How do you know you are ready?

[sahbear]

For baby number 2 that is.

We have a 10month old at the moment, and we know we want at least one more but have no idea when to bring another bub into the family.

I cant make a decision around what is a good age gap or when the right time is!

I have a very laid back baby at the moment, he has always been so chilled out, likes to sleep more than me, barely cries etc, so I'm scared to have one thats not like that, and then not be able to cope with 2 young children.

So many what if's...

What helped you decide?


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[Arimeh]

My age.

I didn't want to have any after I turned 35 as the risks increase with age so I got as many out as was humanly possible lol

I'm 35 this year

Age gaps differ for everyone - and they all have their pros and cons.

[Arcadia]

I am breastfeeding a lot still (ds in ten months) so I haven't had my cycles back yet. With dd they didn't return until she was 17 months, then we fell pg right away. I hope to do the same thing this time around.

In some ways I think it's better to just get on with it and get the pg and baby phase done, but it kind of depends on your attitude to toddlers. It might be nice to have him all to yourself for a little longer. Dd was toilet trained and night weaned when ds came, and that certainly helped.

Good Luck.

[Beautiful Disaster]

I'm in the same boat at the moment. We know we want another but when is the big ? We are thinking maybe July/Aug so by time baby arrives DS will be about 28months

[sloane]

part of it was age for me but mostly i just knew i was ready for another. we weren't waiting for the 'right' time or anything, because then i think we would have been waiting for ever! i wanted to feed DS for a while but also wanted a break before we TTC #2. i had about a 4 month gap between weaning DS & conceiving.

i still think almost daily about the 'what ifs' and i have no idea how i'll go with 2 children but we know we want at least 2 so we just went for it!

[Teeki]

I can't answer about knowing I am ready, but I do know for sure DH and I *aren't * ready yet. DD is almost 8 months, and still very much my baby. I still carry her a lot, she's not walking yet and her only word is Mum. For me, a newborn would mean taking time away from her - while I'm feeding, settling to sleep etc. So right now, I wouldn't feel comfortable having another baby.

I'd always thought 2.5 - 3 years would be a good gap. That's the gap between my brother and I, and I just think she'll be a little more independent, less needy, and more able to understand and help out. That said, when af comes back or when I'm back at work I may feel totally different, and be ready earlier!

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[~Hestia~]

We didn't really think too much about it, but knew we wanted our kids close. I didn't mind if they were both in nappies and thought if I was going to be sleep deprived I may as well just continue it on for another child i probably wouldn't have coped with a break from all that if that makes sense.

In the end thanks to time trying to conceive as well as a m/c Moo was almost 2 years and 4 months when his little brother arrived. I'm pretty happy with the age gap. Moo is not toilet trained but he is pretty independent so can entertain himself when I'm otherwise occupied and can understand that he needs to wait etc.

I think whatever happens you can make it work, good luck!

[Kazzo]

I knew I wanted my first 2 close together and then would see how I felt after that for when we would consider a third. I love that I have had my girls close together (just under 18mths) and I am now wishing that trying for a third was happening now or had already happened but we have decided that we will wait till mid next year to start trying so that will then give us atleast 3 year between next bubba and DD2. Everytime I get AF I feel a little sad so that is telling me how much I wont it but my head knows now is not right.

The what if's never stop, even after DD2 was born I then had a few moments (sleep deprived moments) of what have I done, but I don't regret it one bit. So don't let the what if's put you off. If you feel it then go with it, if not then wait until you do.

[Miss E]

I don't think you're ever 100% ready for number 2... Or at least I wasn't, we just got to a time where it felt like the 'right' time. I had always had in my mind that I didn't want an age gap of much more than 3 years and the way it's worked out the gap between DS and this bub will be 2 years and 9 months.

I think what I am learning is that you can't pick the right age gap. I'd initially thought that our age gap would be 'perfect' because DS would be through the worst of the 'trying two's' and his language would be really well developed when bubs arrived. Now that we're getting to that point his language is great, but there are a whole host of other challenges that come along with the age. I can't say now that I expect this age gap to be any easier than it would've been if we only had a 2 year gap, or an 18 month gap. But, I do know that we're ready to become a family of 4, and to me that is the most important thing.

Not sure if I was much help. I guess I'm just saying that you'll know when the time is right.

[Lenny]

Breastfeeding, maternal age, time it took to conceive number 1, endometriosis, age gap between me and my siblings....the list goes on

I didn't so much feel, Oh, i'd really like another one now. More that i knew i would love more than one child and so it was always in the back of my mind.

Either way, you'll make it work! A bigger age gap brings just as many pros and cons as a smaller one. What does DH think?

[Rainbow_Mumma]

Ill use my number 2 & 3 as an example since i never got to bring number 1 home.
I knew i was ready, i cant explain how i just knew - i craved another baby, it took us 2 years of trying though to get a sticky bub.
What i never planned was having the twins - jumping from 2 instantly to 4 now thats a whole new ball game!

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[SunnyRain]

We knew the age gap we wanted between our children. I was enjoying my son so much I didn't want anybody else to interrupt our time together, or to be pregnant during the most perfect time in a child's life (between the first and second birthdays). I am so glad I could be fully present with him during that time, it was magical.

Then my age was a factor, I also didn't want to be pregnant after 35. I'm 35 now. So in the end it worked out well. I wouldn't change it. I have no idea why people have babies so close in age.


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[sahbear]

Thanks everyone - you have given me some food for thought.

I know I am not ready just yet - i have just returned to work part time and I do want some more one on one time with E, but I think i need to think about the pros and cons off all options.

Thanks again!

Lenny - DH and I havent really talked too much about it - which is why I was posting in a way. to get some idea on pros and cons for us to discuss

[Arimeh]

I have no idea why people have babies so close in age.

Because watching your children growing up together is magical?

Plus all the sleep deprivation is happening at the same time and I could never go back to sleeping full nights and THEN have under 5 hours a night of sleep - THAT would kill me. I've had (on average) 5 hours sleep a night for 5 years now, so my body is pretty much used to it!

[*EJ*]

For us we started talking about it when DS1 was about 17 months i think. We thought we'd start trying and see how we go, with DS1 it took 3 trys before we fell pregnant, with DS2 it was straight away.

I have 25 months between the boys and i love it. It's worked really well for us. I was able to go back to work part-time inbetween each.

DD was a bit of a surprise and i look at her now knowing she is the age DS2 was when i fell pregnant. Still so young. But for me i dont' think it's so much the age gap as the volume of whats involved. Yes maybe if the gaps were bigger the volume would be less but i

I am now at home with 3 kids and whilts it can get a little crazy i love it that they have that time together, that i have the time with them and the opportunities do and will arise more for me to have a little more 1 on 1 when i can.

Whatever happens is what is meant to be

[Deedles]

I am wondering this about number 3!

I knew that I wanted to have 2 children but I wasn't sure at all when to try for number 2 after DS1 was born.

Then when DS1 was about 12 months I started to get clucky again but I was actually terrified at the thought of being pregnant and having another child for a few reason.
One was that with DS1 I had to have a stitch put in my cervix after loosing our first baby at 20wks. So I knew that being pregnant was going to be hard and looking after a toddler wasn't going to be easy.
Then there was the fact that I just wanted him to be my special lil man and wanted to just focus on him. DS1 was also a very hard but with colic and I wondered if I could even manage with 2 at the same time.

So we left it to fate really, I wasn't planning on having the boys 2 years apart but it happened that way and I feel that it was meant to be! We didn't really have a plan at all though. Just when we felt we were happy to let things happen naturally I went of birth control and it seemed to happen pretty quickly

They are best friends and best enemies at times! They keep each other amused and play together but also fight and yell and scream. As all ids do.
Dont rush it if your not ready. I think my mind/body told me when I was ready.
I am waiting for that to happen with number 3 but I think I will be waiting a yr or 2 yet.

Good luck hun.

[*EJ*]

I have no idea why people have babies so close in age.

I'd have to agree that it's a wonderful thing in my expereince also. To see my children interact each day and to see it evolve more and more each day is such a wonderful part of my day. I feel so incredibly lucky. That's not to say that that wouldn't happen for other age gaps but i wouldn't change things for the world.

I now find myself in a position that i have the 'i'm not done' feeling and it's a difficult one. DD was a surpise, before her i 'thought' that i was done but then we were blessed with her and now i truely want one more. I just don't know if it's able to happen for a few different reasons, i don't really have DH on side yet (a must) and just the financial side of things and my coping capability. I'm pretty torn.

Age gaps may or may not be out of choice all the time but as i said before whatever way it happens i believe it's meant to be.

[loulabelle]

We knew the age gap we wanted between our children. I was enjoying my son so much I didn't want anybody else to interrupt our time together, or to be pregnant during the most perfect time in a child's life (between the first and second birthdays). I am so glad I could be fully present with him during that time, it was magical.

Then my age was a factor, I also didn't want to be pregnant after 35. I'm 35 now. So in the end it worked out well. I wouldn't change it. I have no idea why people have babies so close in age.


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I have my children close because its wonderful to see them grow up together. the way they interact and play togather is just beautiful. I certainly don't feel as though I've short changed them in anyway. each to their own though.

op, I think you just know when your ready. of course there are always fears about how hard it will be etc but ultimately if its what you want then go for it.


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