I would like hb dh wants hospital birth

[fromscratch]

I'm kind of a homebody at heart and would love to have a homebirth this time round but dh is adamant that this baby too will be born at hospital... I have such dreadful pregnancys that I'd really like to birth at home where it's calm (well once we ring someone to get the two kids) and I'm comfortable. The other two births were ok in there were no complcations and dh is worried of complications so prefers me to be in hospital.
As I don't plan another birth after this one I feel this is my last chance to birth the way I feel I should and already being 26weeks I feel like I'm running out of time to convince him. How can I talk him round?
At the moment we have comprimised to midwife delivery in hospital but I'd really like a homebirth.

[Eenee]

Maybe find an independent midwife and get them to talk to your DH.
My DH was very against homebirth but now raves about it. It took a lot of convincing to get him to let me. But in the end it's my body so my choice iykwim. But of course helps to have them on your side. I also told DH how much research has he done on birth. Well that was zero and so I win because I've done heaps.

[fromscratch]

It's kind of funny cause he's not against anything else "nonnormal" I like to do like homeschooling and all my other "nonnormal" things. But when it comes to homebirth he's really digging his heals in. ATM his biggest bug bear is the lady that died after delivery story in the papers. I did point out that there are mothers that die in hospitals too it's just the media dosn't run with those stories cause hospital delivery is considered "normal" just like school is portrayed as "normal" and with the assistance of hb recieves at times negative press cause it's not "normal" as in not mainstream just like homeschooling and you know he hates that but somehow it's different. Personally I don't see how it's different. I also pointed out how not normal I am thinking that might hit home a little but na, no go.

[Eenee]

It's tough especially with that stuff in the news of late. I told DH more could happen on the way to hospital then at home anyway. Plus at home you have your own midwife for as long as you want. In hospital you have to share and they might miss something not otherwise picked up. In the end DH just had to trust my decision, I mean I'm a nurse so he knew I wasn't stupid. Plus with all the interventions in hospital sometimes you are safer at home. I hope your DH comes around because a homebirth really is an amazing thing. There is a homebirth thread on here maybe pop in and ask the other girls for advice they might have something better than I do.

[PumpkinZulu]

Tell your DH that that lady died of an unrelated heart attack after she gave birth, in hospital after she was transferred. Homebirth has been proven again and again to be just as safe, if not *safer* than hospital birth for both mother and baby. Although your husband has every right to his opinions, at the end of the day it's your choice and your body, and hopefully he can be open to educating himself on what you decide. Once he's become educated and informed about Homebirth, he won't be afraid.

[Cricket]

MY DH was a little worried about it at first too. Most are, I think. But research is showing that homebirth has outcomes for mom and baby that are equal to hospital when you consider the mortality rate, and better than hospital when you consider the intervention rate. There was a Canadian study published recently with that info. I think I posted it here a while ago, but I could try to find it back for you if you want.
For what it's worth, mine is also totally convinced now that home is the BEST place to have a baby. I've had #3 at home, #4 in hospital (I was GBS positive), and #5 at home, and I think he's almost a bigger advocate for it now than I am.
Your DH most likely wants you and baby to be as safe as possible - you can show him that home is where it's at.
All the best!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Tell your DH that you're the one giving birth, he can support you or expletive off. Your body, your birthing, your choice.

I had a DH who got his own way over my body and agreed to things with the doctors that I had refused when Liebs was born. I was not happy (note understatement). He is not going to be present at Stormy's birth unless something major happens to change his entire personality and mindset. So I am fairly millitant about this, moreso than most people would ever even think about being.

Tell him to read some of the birth debriefing stories on BB. None of them happened at home.

[Julie Doula]

his biggest bug bear is the lady that died after delivery story in the papers

If your dh is going to have the most important decisions in his life directed by the Herald Sun, Andrew Bolt, Susie O'Brien and Miranda Devine, his life will be wrecked.

The media assault on this family and the way they have used it as grist for their mill to further discredit homebirth is appalling.

Your dh needs to know that Caroline did not die because of a post partum haemorrahge as Devine uncrupulously tried to hint.

She did not die because she had a homebirth.

She did not die of anything to do with the venue of her birth.

Every one with a shred of integrity if not speculating about her cause of death, until the Coroner's report is made, out of respect to the family, and because that is what is professional.

But we do know this simple fact, and so do all the media sharks who spun the facts to use for their anti-homebirth, anti-woman agenda.

Caroline was taken to the Austin hospital. This is a medical hospital. It is right next door to an obstetric hospital, the Mercy Women's Hospital. If she had died of anything related to an obstetric, birth-related issue, she would have been taken to the Mercy. Not the Austin. Devine wrote in her OPINION piece that Caroline was taken "to hospital". She knew full well that it was the Austin, not the Mercy - and the implications of that. But why let the facts get in the way of a story - or an agenda?

Regardless of where a woman chooses to give birth, and what her birth choices are, remember:

1. Do not let fear make your choices
2. Do not let dis-information or poor information guide your choices
3. Do not let anyone who is not going to be doing the labouring and the birthing veto your choices - not even the baby's father.

It is one thing to say, no don't have a homebirth, I'm not comfortable (well, really, it's about your comfort and what feels safe to YOU - not to him.) It is another thing entirely to base one's stand point on a lack of independent research and homework.

I would challenge your dh to get his information from facts, from evidence and from statistics - not from the poular media who spin a bunch of total lies to cow people into conformity.

I have got the 2009 Mothers and Babies report from the Perinatal data Collection Unit sitting right here on my desk, and if your dh could read that, all 100 plus pages of it, no way would be want you going to a hospital to give birth. Tell him page 59 and 60 relate to homebirths.

Summary:
863 PLANNED homebirths (many more unplanned)
25% were first time mothers
99.5% non-instrumental vaginal birth rate
99.8% babies live born
No maternal deaths

The rest of the report is page, after page, after page of birth trauma.

If your dh bases his impressions on, and fuels his fears on, and then makes his decisions on, the smear campaign of coercions and disinformation about birth choices for women in this society, led by an inscrupulous and inenquiring press, he will be allowing the forces of patriarchy to control his life - and then expect that you should do the same.

I really hope he does his own critical thinking, inquiry and research. He will be appalled at the lies and manipulation being fed to the public.

Regardless of his position, whether he informs himeself or not, don't hand your power over. This is your body, your baby, your choice, and it is you who has to live with the repercussions.

[shells79]

I know this is a really old thread that I am reviving here, but I am interested to know scratch if you had any luck convincing your DH to have a homebirth? Apologies if you have answered this elsewhere. Thanks Julie Doula for that research as well I'm going to see if I can find it online.

My DH is really peeing me off how he is not doing any research himself but still thinks he can say that a homebirth isn't safe..