Reply With QuoteNo experience but we are in the same boat. Our boys are 18 months apart and we aren't sure if we want to have another. It's very hard work!! But if we did I would like a gap of at least 3 years.
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Varying age gap between children
We're still open to the idea of maybe having a third baby... but we're no where near ready now. It may turn out over time that we decide we're done but if we do decide to have another then I wonder about the age gap we'll create.
Our two boys are 2 years 8 months apart and at the moment the minimum age gap I'd see us having between #2 and #3 would be about 3.5 years, but maybe more like 4 or 4.5 years.
Do you think it's kind of weird to have two children less than 3 years apart and then 2 children more than 4 years apart? Does the bigger age gap mean that child is kind of the odd one out? I don't know, I kind of realise it probably doesn't matter and it's not a huge difference but it's on my mind and I'd love to hear your experiences and thoughts.
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No experience but we are in the same boat. Our boys are 18 months apart and we aren't sure if we want to have another. It's very hard work!! But if we did I would like a gap of at least 3 years.
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DH is the oldest of 3 boys. He's 3 years older than brother 2 and then the gap between the two younger boys was 18 months. Growing up, he was the odd one out, the younger two played together more and did the same things. As adults though, DH and the youngest brother became very close and the middle one was the odd one out.
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My first three are all 20 months apart, but we were undecided about having another for ages and by the time we'd decided to do it, DD2 was already over 2 years old and there ended up being a 3yr 3mth gap between her and our youngest. Having the first three close together and then DS2 a lot further apart hasn't been a problem at all - it's worked out really well for us. They are all really close and get along well (most of the time) Personally I found it really satisfying to have the larger gap. When the other three were little it was soooo full on and as they got older I was going from preschool to school one after the other, but with DS2, DD2 had already started school and I had a year of no preschool at all until he started last year. I will have had him at home on his own for 3 years by the time he starts school next year and we have had a beautiful time with just the two of us. It's made me appreciate my 'baby' all the more because it's all about him kwim? I can appreciate the 'last time' of everything more - the last day of preschool, last child at home etc.
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I'm in the same boat. I have 2 boys, 22mths apart. I'm not ready to say no to more children. I would like one more say in about 2 years. I'm hoping though that my brother or sister might decide to have another one about then too, so there would be a cousin, if not a sibling close in age.
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I have a 16mth (1yr 4mths) gap between #1 and #2 and then 28mths (2yrs 5mths) between #2 and #3. Whilst 1 and 2 are very close and are a bit like twins, 1 and 3 adore each other and 1 will mother 3. 2 and 3 get along very well if 1 isn't around. I think as tehy grow 2 and 3 will become closer, it's just that at the moment 2 is a very active 3yr old and 3 isn't capable of keeping up with him and just annoys him more than anything!
IMO, I think it more depends on the nature of your children as to whether or not they will get along more than what their age gaps are. As well as the stages they're in. Honestly, I don't think it should really have too much impact on you deciding if you should have another or not.
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I have friends with three DSs. The first two are 18 mths apart and the third is five years younger than the second. It's a completely different dynamic, but they all love each other. They just tend to fight differently when the youngest is involved. Lol
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Its been on my mind too. DDs 1 and 2 are 12 months apart, and there will be four years between DD2 and this little one. My girls are so incredibly close, and like a pp said very much like twins so I do worry that No. 3 will be a little left out. I think the saving thing will be that the girls are such sweet little souls that hopefully they will do a lot of mothering of their little sister when she's here.
One of my SIL has two boys 2 years apart, and then a 5.5 year gap until the next boy. THe youngest boy has grown up soooo fast because he's desperate to keep up with his older brothers. He's almost 5 now, and the three of them have always got on very well.
TBH other than the reservation of #3 potentially not being as close as the other two, I am really looking forward to the age gap this time. I was very sick through my pregnancy with #2 so the 12 months I had just with #1 was very much affected by that. Then it was always the two of them. THey're at kindy and pre primary now, so I'm looking forward to having lots of one on one time with this new bub.
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There is 27 months between my older brother and I then 42 moths between my younger sister and I.
DD will be nearly 6.5years before jellybean makes an appearance. But I'm happy with the age gap - she is already at school and quite independent for her age (she had to grow up quickly after she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes). I think she will also be an awesome help with the baby when it arrives (ie passing nappies, listening for cries). She already likes to comfort me when I'm not well so she has a great caring instinct.
For me it wasn't about age gaps or anything. Things just happened and I feel we all adapt under different circumstances. I do however take my hat off to those who all have their children close to one another - its not something I could of coped with!
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Just have a big gap and then have two more close together
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I asked a similar questions a while back about. We have just under 18months between our DD's and when we start trying for #3 there will be an age gap of atleast 3.5 years. In saying that, it takes everything I have not to jump DH and say stuff waiting lets go for it now.
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My DD1 and DS are 2 years 4 months apart. I decided I wasn't done and DD2 is 5 years 3 months younger than DS, 7 years 7 months younger than DD1. The dynamic is lovely. DD1 is my 'mini mum' and she and DD2 adore each other. DS spoils her rotten. Because my older two are at school, in some ways DD2 is like a first baby all over again! She misses her brother and sister when they are at school and is so excited to see them when we pick them up. The question now is... do we have another one closer to DD2 in age? I really don't think she misses out on anything by being younger, in some ways she is even more spoiled by being 'the baby'. My brother and sister are 4 and 5 years older than me (13 months between them) and I loved being the baby of the family!
The only negatives are the questions I get from strangers... 'Oh, the baby was an accident, was she?', or my personal favourite 'Oh, the older two have a different dad, do they?'.(Regardless of the fact that all three look very much the same.) Meh, who cares what strangers think anyway.
I reckon there are pros and cons for every age gap, but I certainly don't see any problem with my two close together and then another one a few years later!
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The only negatives are the questions I get from strangers... 'Oh, the baby was an accident, was she?', or my personal favourite 'Oh, the older two have a different dad, do they?'.
I reckon there are pros and cons for every age gap, but I certainly don't see any problem with my two close together and then another one a few years later!
I can't believe that people would actually say that to you. It just amazes me that people would even ever think to say to to anyone.
I think that too about when we have our 3rd would I be able to convince DH that we can have our 4th close together. I would love to but getting DH to come around to the idea of having a 3rd baby has been some work. but you never know.
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Thanks everyone! Some great thoughts.
I can't even begin to imagine having 4 children!! Arrgghh!
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Its not THAT bad
As for age gaps, I can see the benefit of waiting a while. But I also like them growing up together. DS and DD1 are just under 19 months apart and they played really well together as toddlers. Then I had DD2 - just under 16 months after DD1. Now they are awesome friends and play with each other ALL the time, and DS doesn't really play with them all that often, he's 5, so he plays with his toys, or the wii, or playstation etc. He is currently playing with them at the moment, but only because DH is using the tv and he can't play his games lol
I'm sure when DD3 grows up a bit more, she will play with the two older girls. Even though there is just under 16 months between her and DD2, I'm a bit scared that she will be excluded a lot because they have such a strong bond.
We *most* likely will be having another one - but not trying until September. Which means that DD3 will be over 2 years when the next one comes along, and that will be my biggest age gap. Now THAT is scary to me.. LOL
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Trust me, I used to think the exact same. Sometimes there is no choice though and trying for #3 also brings #4. I can honestly say it's brilliant having 4 kids. Each one with their own distinct personality and each one bringing something new and different to the family.
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Everyone should have four. The third allows you to forgive yourself of all your preconceived ideas and thoughts of what you or they should be like.
But number four is like living on cloud nine. they are perfect
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Omg I so agree with this!!!!!!!Everyone should have four. The third allows you to forgive yourself of all your preconceived ideas and thoughts of what you or they should be like.
But number four is like living on cloud nine. they are perfect
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