How to break it to your family hat you're leaving - permanently?
Well, it looks like DH & I are going to make the big lifestyle move out of Sydney and live 12 hours North on the Coast. It's looking like a permanent move, but the consequence is that we're leaving all family behind. My parents have a holiday house near to where we're planning to live, but I can't see them visiting more than 2-3 times a year.
Does anyone have any advice on how to break this new to one's families? We have 2 kids and a 3rd will be a newbie when we finally move - planning on January next year so our son can start Kindergarten up there.
DH's family have no other grand kids atm & will sorely miss us, as will my mum, but I don't have much help from them as is, so I'm hoping the change for me won't be so dramatic.
We need to tell them because time is ticking - its just so difficult as we know they're going to be so sad :-(
It's rather bitter sweet...
I did it about 15 years ago. We didn't have kids yet so it was a bit different but still hard for our families. My ILs are up here too now, and my family are scattered and used to it, but it was hard at first.
I think you need to bite the bullet and just tell them. Hopefully they will be happy for you and maybe they'll use the holiday house more knowing you're nearby. Sometimes you just need to do things for yourselves and I'm sure your family will understand that.
It's not easy but you pretty much just have to come out with it. I did it as "well, we've got some news that you might not like...". I've done it twice now and it is never easy but your family will understand, even if they are initially upset. Tell them soon though so they have time to get used to the idea before you actually move.
We did it 5 years ago, although no kids at that stage and basically told them it was what we wanted to do to make our lifestyle better. Now 5yrs later and DH'd parents moved further away than us (10 hrs) and once I was pregnant with DD my parents moved closer to us and are now 30mins away.
When we emigrated from England I put off telling my patents for weeks as I was so upset about their reaction.
It was really hard but we managed and we're still really close - we make good use of SKYPE and call at least twice a week.
It is hard but if you're confident it's the right decision it'll be ok. Just don't have any doubts in your voice when you tell them - if your parents are anything like mine they'll worry themselves sick about how you'll manage so far away.
It's hard telling the grandparents they won't be so close to the little ones anymore but they'll understand you're trying to make a better life for your family. We're from England too and i know my mum hates being so far away from the grandkids, but i know this is the better place to be at the moment. I also Skype (it's free) with my mum (almost every day) and she plays games with the girls over Skype, reads them bedtime stories and does puppet shows!
DD1 draws pictures for mum whilst she's Skyping with her then we post them to the UK. Mum even saw DD3 take her first steps before me as i had my bad to her as i was talking to mum on Skype!!
Thanks guys! Was suPposed to have dinner with the parents & break the news last Friday, but we were sick so have had to postpone :-(
Is over dinner ok? We just didn't want the kids around distracting us/them...
we first did the move away 7 years ago. moving 1300 km from dh's family. (brisbane to airlie beach)
he just told him straight out in person that he took a job and started in 2 weeks.
they adjusted. we have since moved a number of times mostly recently from, coffs harbour to sydney 3 weeks ago and this move was the worst for dh's parents.
i think they liked we were only a 5 hr drive (although they never visited) but now that we are a 1 hr plane trip they havent spoken to us since we told them 5 weeks ago!
(go figure~!)
We moved from Melbourne area to up the Murray last October. The IL's live on the far side of Melbourne, my Mum lives near the city, and my Dad in the northern 'burbs of Melb. My Dad never sees his grandchildren anyway, but is the most able to travel (as yet haven't seen him up here, nor heard from him), Mum has made the trip by train a few times, and she loves it (I *think* she wishes she could move here, but probably never will as my brother lives with her), and the IL's don't like to travel too far (but we speak on the phone a lot, and also with Mum).
The IL's were happy for us (even though they would see the grandkids less), the Man was unsure of telling them, but they knew we were looking for a tree change for ages. I only told my Mum on the phone AFTER we moved up here... (Ok, probably not the best way of doing it). The IL's are also looking at moving up here.
We were also determined to make our move before DD started school (this year), so the move in October was good. Unfortunately DD only did the first term or so of kinder last year before we moved in April, then moved up here in October. We were too slack to enrol her at new kinders, but she was ready for school, and really looking forward to it. I didn't want to have to change her schools after she started.
We only have two friends up here (which we had before we moved), and it is a bit hard to make new friends. We are glad we moved (even after a huge issue with my new "fabulous" job, which was one reason why we moved here ). The Man is finding it really hard to find a job, we're not sure if it's because we're from "out of town", so employment is a factor of where you move. There are lots of jobs advertised here, but they are all listed through a few job agencies, and unless you're listed with Centrelink as a jobseeker, the agencies are unwilling to help you get a job (including forwarding resumes most of the time)!
Small town mentality is very alive, and very well. Sorry, I have got off track, but just wanted to give you a few things to think about. How to tell them? You could start by raising it as an idea, before you say "we are definitely moving". Make sure you acknowledge the distance, and visits would be less, but point to the upside of modern technology (like skype as mentioned above), and propose a possible future move for them close to where you're going.
Aside from that, stay positive, this move is for you and your family. Good luck with it.
I haven't been in your position however yes I think over dinner is fine! Good luck. I empathise for you, it would be nerve racking but you do have to put your family first so they will come around eventually.
Besides you are moving to a better place!! South GC/tweed is the best
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How to break it to your family hat you're leaving - permanently?
). The Man is finding it really hard to find a job, we're not sure if it's because we're from "out of town", so employment is a factor of where you move. There are lots of jobs advertised here, but they are all listed through a few job agencies, and unless you're listed with Centrelink as a jobseeker, the agencies are unwilling to help you get a job (including forwarding resumes most of the time)!
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