I always seem to be angry at my husband, about nothing and everything. We bicker constantly, always around the time my period is due or when I am ovulating.
We have had two miscarriages and have been trying for well over a year now to give our son a brother or sister.
I go through weeks of feeling normal and then something will happen and I am back to being angry. Today I had a negative result on a pregnancy test and found out yet another friend is pregnant......as a result me and my husband have been horrid to each other all day.
Is anyone else going through the same thing? And how to you handle it?
I don't know how we got through but I guess deep down I knew one day there would be another baby I just didn't know when. I think keeping the lines of communication open about how you are feeling ie: upset, scared, jealous all helps rather than bickering with each other. At times my DH & I stopped ttc and went on a holiday or just hung out with each other not talking about another baby. It's tough and I hope you can get through this and have a babe in your arms very soon ((hugs))
I found that my hormonal changes would trigger the same kind of things. I would get a certain 'tone of voice' that I wan't aware of, which would annoy him, and so he'd reply to me in the same tone, which made whatever he said sound mean and nasty, and then we'd be arguing about nothing at all. It took a lot of talking it over before we started to recognise the pattern, and I started to ask 'Are you angry at me about something' before I'd let myself get annoyed at the way he seemed to be treating me. Most of the time, he's be able to say 'no, but you were snapping at me' and I'd be able to defuse it by simply saying, 'Sorry babe, I didn't realise I was snapping, and I didn't mean to' and we'd be ok again for a while.
People talk about 'taking it out on each other' but we don't consciously do that much, it's more that our tone of voice gets misdirected and misunderstood, and we felt unloved and unappreciated and like we were both not good enough for each other, and failing each other in the ttc thing.
We both needed lots of reassurance, through the ttc process, that even though it wasn't coming easily, we were on the same team and pulling together through it all, and that I wouldn't dream of finding another man to replace him, and vice versa.
Firstly, hugs. Yes, I am definately angry. I think I'll always be. I remember being quite snappy with DH and the kids for the first few weeks after each m/c, but we never fought. Ive kept a lot of the anger inside. Its tough when you've been trying so long and everyone else is pg, and then of course there are the 'should have been' dates which are very difficult, and just make you sadder/madder. If it feels like its too much, getting some counselling may help (it sure helped me).
Oh, goodness, I'd not thought about it, but that sounds very familiar! I got my +opk yesterday and we were fighting all day long. It was just one idiotic thing after another. I'm always extra irritable when AF is on the way too, so what you describe is very, very familiar!
I notice the sadness and fear more, but I guess there must be some anger there too.
I hope you don't have much longer to wait for your son's sibling.
Firstly, hugs lovely I find myself angry at my DF most of the time these days too. I knew it was going to happen, becasue my DF has been dragging his feet in the TTC department to produce a sibling for DS for far too long. I wanted to start TTC 12 months ago, he said it was going to happen quickly like it did the previous times, so what's the hurry? Well, we have proabably waited too long, my eggs need some serious work to get them half decent to make a baby, so yes, I am pretty damn angry. I hope your DS has sibling very soon xoxox
Yes, angry, so angry. We lost a baby due to an ectopic pregnancy and for the last few months I have been angry and sad very often. Hugs hugs hugs to you! Seeing other people going through the same thing helps to soothe the pain in my case. We are getting ready to get back on the TTC bandwagon soon, I am anxious and excited all rolled into one.
Thank you for all your replies, I have just cried my cries out ready them, but I think I needed it.
Things are still ready hard and haven't really changed. It is what it is!
I spent the morning with two of my girlfriends who seemed to spend the whole time talking about their new babies. Comparing sleep patterns, breast feeding etc. I found it so painful and just sat there, I just had nothing to say. I don't feel like I can ask them to change their conversations when I am there, but my first miscarriage was ten months ago....maybe they think I should be ok now!
hi nicole,
I have felt the same on and off for a few yrs now, getting better at diffusing situations with DH but it has taken a while.
I find at times ( hormonal related) I can have every emotion under the sun within a few hrs, i just spent 5 minutes slamming doors and yelling and crying because my mum dared ring me and asked a favour- i am on ivf drugs and just woke up from nightshift, so that set me off Its not pretty is it.
Sorry you had such a difficult time with your friends, I think anyone in our situation would struggle with that and you did well to stay and listen. People who haven' been there don't understand and I'm sure they didn't mean ot exclude you.
Its really tough, I'm not sure how to handle it really, you just muddle through and hope everything turns out ok. Hope you get your miracle soon xx
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Is anyone else angry?
Its not pretty is it.
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