Nearly ready to give up

[butterflye]

im struggling to bf my daughter is is 9 weeks 1 day, but 2weeks 1day corrected as she was premmie, and im struggling with night time/early morning feedings, to the point were i have been giving her a bottle of left over frozen ebm from when she was being tube fed. which isnt helping my supply any, but im nearly out of ebm, and do not want to give her forumla at all, but nearly to the point of giving up,
she wants to constantly feed of a night she can drain me(bothsides) and still be hungery. or has a feed then awake again in 20-40mins demanding more and i just havnt filled up enough to satisfy her, so by the end of the night i could be feeding her up to 4 times a hour. im falling asleep with her which realy worrys my partner he said i will sufocate her, ( she always has a apna monitor on) but i find i reposond so much better to her q's when i sleep with her, and she is that much more happier as i dont get stressed when she wants to feed 4 times a hour. and when i sleep with her my milk production during the night tends to go up alot better which = longer sleep periods for her. but last night i made her sleep in bassinitte beside me as my partner was craking it at me for falling alseep with her, which = me getting that tierd i couldnt even wake up to her. and today ive been crying all day because im so upset i did that, im upset about my milk supply upset i fall asleep with her all the time and so forth n just ready to give up. i am on domperidone but isnt helping that much. i just dont know what to do can anyone offer any help or advice? thank you

[onthefly]

butterflye, congrats on your new baby! You've done it tough so far, hey? What a great job you're doing, working so hard and in particularly difficult circumstances.
Are you in touch with an LC to help you with this? You can also call the ABA - 1800-686-268 - for suggestions and support (or just a empathetic ear) 24/7.

It sounds like sleeping with her is helping you both - perhaps if you give your partner some info on safe bed-sharing he might feel more comfortable with it? You might find THIS helpful. Also, the ABA has some info on Sleep.
You need rest, your baby needs you - sleeping together is often the best way for everyone to get what they need.

[No.5]

This is why I ended up co-sleeping, hopefully your supply picks up and she sleeps for longer periods. Have you tried some foods/vitamins that increase your supply?

[Teeki]

Big hugs butterflye

I can remember those early few weeks when DD was increasing my supply, she was constantly attached and it didn't let up overnight. I was like you, just so exhausted I'd fall asleep sitting up, which scared me. I didn't know much about bed-sharing and was nervous about it with such a small baby (this was between 4 days old and 2 months). In the end I just could not physically stay awake with her, so I read up on bed-sharing. DH was still nervous to begin with, so he sat up and watched over us while I slept.

DD and I got amazing sleep like that! Suddenly I didn't need to be awake, DD latched on when she needed to and slept peacefully after. It didn't take DH long to see it was safe, we'd taken precautions and I responded immediately to DD in my sleep. Now we only part-time bed share when DD particularly needs it, and as she's now bigger and quite wriggly DH generally moves to the spare room lol.

If you can safely bed-share, I do recommend it. And if there's any way at all your DP can help and let you get more sleep during the day, do it.

[Babyluv]

Oh my goodness you are doing such an amazing job. I too went through this, not with a preemie though. My dd wanted to feed every hr for 6 weeks in a row and there was no other way around it other than to sleep with her. I agree you should talk to your partner about safe co sleeping. Is there another bed in the house that you and bub can sleep in, maybe your partner is a little worried he might hurt bub. Don't give up, each week things will get easier. You have done so well. I remember those thoughts of wanting to give up. I was so close to it and somehow pushed through. We just stopped breastfeeding a little while ago when dd was 14 months. Can you call the Hospital and ask for the number of a lactation consultant? You're doing great. Keep it up.

[Arcadia]

I would recommend you feed lying down and bed share. Strip your bed back and wear warm clothes that unzip at the front for easy boob access. Put baby in a sleeping bag and try to minimize pillows, then let baby feed as she wants. You will feel so much better!

We are supposed to sleep with our babies, it's just the blankets and doonas that make it unsafe. Also shift Dh elsewhere if he is not confident about baby in the bed. My Dh sleeps on a single next to the queen. A tiny baby needs to be close to you and you will make more milk if she can access your breasts for stimulation and you keep that oxytocin flowing.

Your milk supply will correct itself to her needs if she has unlimited access to your breasts ie it should settle down!

I hope this helps.

[BlackRose]

You're doing great hun! Don't give up!!

Have you tried pumping in between feeds. You may not get much out but it will stimulate your breasts to produce more.

Also I found that my evening supply was a lot less than my morning/day supply and fenugreek helped a lot!

Good luck hun. Hang in there!

[butterflye]

i just wrote a bit reply then accidently closed the page "doh"
firstly thank you everyone for the reply and support
i read my partner all the facts i can find on cosharing but no luck all i got was "i will not be happy if i catch you sleeping with her let me bloody tell you" all because i was a heavy sleeper before her, and bed tosser. and he dont understand im different with her.
we dont have a L/C here unfort shocked me when i asked to hospital to see one n they said we dont have any ( what hospital doesnt )
it probly doesnt help him as we have had 4 m/c and a neonatal death jan last year

[butterflye]

You're doing great hun! Don't give up!!

Have you tried pumping in between feeds. You may not get much out but it will stimulate your breasts to produce more.

Also I found that my evening supply was a lot less than my morning/day supply and fenugreek helped a lot!

Good luck hun. Hang in there!

yes i have but i wont get any milk from a pump n wont let down anymore after bf

[onthefly]

Oh, he must be so afraid It is different when you have a baby with you, of course. Dr James McKenna has done quite a bit of research into the way mums sleep with their babies.
Anyway, what is he doing to help you get more sleep?
Where are you in Aus? Some hospitals don't have LCs, but there are some around in private practice and also some child health nurses are LCs too. They can be a huge help getting things sorted.

[butterflye]

Oh, he must be so afraid It is different when you have a baby with you, of course. Dr James McKenna has done quite a bit of research into the way mums sleep with their babies.
Anyway, what is he doing to help you get more sleep?
Where are you in Aus? Some hospitals don't have LCs, but there are some around in private practice and also some child health nurses are LCs too. They can be a huge help getting things sorted.

after she is fed and she wont settle or awake he will take her so i can sleep or gives her the bottle when i havnt got enough milk, when he isnt working. works 4 days on 4 days off kind of thing. i might go to the drop in clinic and have a talk to the nurce n midwife there on wed, hopful they can help because i dont know how much more i can take, so close to giving up.

[onthefly]

That's good, all help is good. Anyone else who can help you out at home?
Hope you find someone to help with the feeding. If you call the ABA,, they may also be able to point you in the direction of an LC

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

You have had a tough time of it over the last 9 weeks. I bet in some ways 9 weeks seems like you've had her forever, and that she's "getting a big girl now" but in reality she is just a newborn, with a newborn feeding pattern (prems are often fairly sleepy in the early days, so when they "wake up" around their due date it can be a shock(

I wonder, how often is she feeding in 24 hours? I know the night feeds are excruciating, but what about the day feeds? What are they like? What have her weight gains been like? When were you discharged from hospital?
If you want you can Pm me and we could possibly chat there.

[Arcadia]

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.

The night time fussing is so tiring, even with a great milk supply, but it will certainly help low supply. You could also try pumping between feeds to boost your supply.

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand cosleeping. It's actually biologically normal, and when you have a baby, you're so much more alert and aware of them. I think as a mother you sleep with one eye open no matter where they sleep.

In the end, you're the one feeding and doing the night shift, and I think it's unreasonable to expect you to never fall asleep while breastfeeding. It's supposed to make you sleepy. It's more dangerous if you're sitting in a chair and fall asleep, so that's why I would recommend actually getting yourself set up and prepared for bed sharing. Your dh needs to educate himself and trust you as the mother of the baby too. Obviously it's a joint decision, but at this stage you're at breaking poitnt and considering ending your breastfeeding relationship, and I think threats that you'd better not fall asleep are far from helpful.

I hope you find some more support.

[Kmn]

I not sure that 2 parents and a tiny baby is necessarily a good thing - just because they don't make big enough beds! Why don't you and bub get a big mattress on the floor and get rid of all your blankets and put warm clothes on. Then feed bub on "her side" of the mattress, and then roll yourself back onto your own side once she's done. Or even go back to your own bed when she's done - the combination of being able to lie down whilst feeding and not having to pick up and potentially wake a sleeping baby will still help.
I agree that falling asleep whilst sitting up with baby is possible, and much more dangerous.

Also - sleep as much as you can during the day. Do the bare minimum of house-stuff and regard "getting sleep" as an important job.
And, if you are having to use tea or coffee or similar to stay awake then beware - some babies are very sensitive to this and it can contribute to them sleeping badly. A dose of caffeine can take a day or more to wear off for a tiny baby. Other babies don't seem to be affected.

[butterflye]

That's good, all help is good. Anyone else who can help you out at home?
Hope you find someone to help with the feeding. If you call the ABA,, they may also be able to point you in the direction of an LC

no just me my parnter and grace, and my partner works nights

[PumpkinZulu]

If your partner works nights, and you are doing the feeding and the wakings, then really hun, he shouldn't be telling you that you 'bloody well' not do anything I slept with my daughter in our bed with my husband since birth as it's been a big part of successful breastfeeding for us.

[butterflye]

Hi,

You have had a tough time of it over the last 9 weeks. I bet in some ways 9 weeks seems like you've had her forever, and that she's "getting a big girl now" but in reality she is just a newborn, with a newborn feeding pattern (prems are often fairly sleepy in the early days, so when they "wake up" around their due date it can be a shock(

I wonder, how often is she feeding in 24 hours? I know the night feeds are excruciating, but what about the day feeds? What are they like? What have her weight gains been like? When were you discharged from hospital?
If you want you can Pm me and we could possibly chat there.

she was born at 32+6 started bf around 36w, and around 37w we were discharged, day feeds r fine every 2 n half-3 hours, she is gaing weight great she due to be weighed again on wed, i would guess 3.5kg easly, when she was born she was only 1.5kg,lots of wet and diry nappies too. last night hubby wasnt home so co sleeped and i must say though she was feeding up to 2x per hour i feel great and milk has come in more today i feel nice n full again, and it was the most happiest and content ive ever seen her did not cry once, i new when she waas stiring n responded to her quicker then ever, had much more and easier let downs because i was not stressed, its the happiest in a few weeks ive felt in ages about bf, and i feel rested though feel like i slept with one eye open,im very happy not just her. and i didnt give her a bottle at all