We are very excited DH got a new job it means financial stability and him not feeling likea failure being unable to work BUT its interstate driving from vic to qld. Not ideal with a family was my initial thought but its not forever and its what he knows and loves as soon as we can afford to buy it will be different.
The pay is fantastic and even covers me no longer being paid by centrelink due to him earning too much but how do you cope being alone?
Managing the kids and house without your partner there?
Put very simply - you just do. Life goes on when they are not here, I can't stop and wallow in my own misery about the fact that he is away.
That may sound harsh, it certainly wasn't mean't to be. I don't receive any help really from any of our families, not because they wouldn't want to but because they can't - the IL's still work fulltime, my parents also do FIFO, my sister is young at uni and working, and my SIL's each have their own families and work to deal with. So I get into my own little routine and work out what works best for me and my family.
In my instance that means we have set after school routines and the kids go to bed quite early - they never complain, they are tired by then anyway and it means that my sanity is restored.
Reality is when here in Perth DH was never here for the morning routine as he leaves early to go to work and wouldn't be back till after 6pm anyway so truthfully not a lot changes.
I cant comment on how it works with family life as we are yet to have children (not the way it was planned! )
But as the previous poster has already stated you do 'just get on with it'. My DH used to work 2 weeks away and 1 week at home which I found quite hard. He now works 1 week on and 1 week off which is much much easier.
I work 3 days per week and he goes in and out on a Thursday. I plan my days to kept me busy. Thursday's I do the airport run and either catch up with friends in the morning or afternoon (depending on his flights time) I work Tuesday Wednesday and Friday's so that keeps me busy. On Mondays I do my house work and on weekends I catch up with family. The time actually goes pretty quick for me now.
In terms of when we have a baby, I think I will be much the same as the previous poster - make sure you have a routine. My best friends husband works away and she finds her routine is good while he is away but when he comes home the kids go feral and she finds it very hard to get them back into routine once he has gone back to work. I think it is very important to make sure that their routine stays the same when he is away and how (within reason obviously!).
I would love to say I "just do it" but DH's away times have to be carefully scheduled. DH is responsible for school drop-off and pick-up (I can't do it and get to work) so he can only go away in my school holidays. His work do not oblige. This is causing severe problems at home: either I get a new job (in the process of looking and applying), I stop working or DH gets a new job. DH isn't paid enough for me to stop working, although I can go down to 3 days a week if I get a job that allows that.
Being honest - I enjoy it. It makes me appreciate DH a lot more when I don't see him every day. When he goes away over a weekend, DS and I get our special time together. We often have "date nights" where we have a meal and a film together if there's no school the next day - and I have a five-year-old who can converse and behave when out for a meal (not perfect but it's brilliant for his age, and done without the fear I had when I was 5 and out for a meal). When DS has school we do have to stick to routine and as DH and I parent very differently (DH is in charge of the household and I prefer agreement) and it's harder for me as I don't do "because I said so" as reasons.
Other positives include that I've watched some fab TV in the evenings that DH just doesn't allow on the TV. I can tape all my shows and watch them when he's away. I love that. On the down-side, this month we well and truly missed my fertile time (not that we're TTC, I just keep track) and my period's due just after DH gets home.
Well thats sort of how it is now he doesnt start interstate til after we move but up until the twins were born he left for work around 6 and got back about 8 the joys of removals and now hes back doing removals he left this morning at 7 and is still unloading in Melbourne so wont be back for a while so i guess in a sense im already doing it just minus the cuddles at night.
FIFO- fly in, fly out. I think it's mostly for the mining industry? Meaning they live in one place but go to work a lot further away, so will go to work for a week then come home for a week.. I think!
As another poster said, you just do it. DF can get a call at anytime for a job to pretty much anywhere in NSW, or interstate (mainly Melbourne, Canberra, although he has gone to northern Qld before!). So I pretty much parent independently, I have no other option, DF's line of work isn't that stable wrt family life, so I just have to do everything myself. Closest family is my parents, 6 hours drive away, so I really have no one to rely on or have physical support from.
I try and make sure we do something every day, so Monday is daycare, Wednesday playgroup and Friday is Kindergym. The other days we'll either go to a park, or if there's anything happening on a weekend that's suitable we'll go to that. Rather than sitting at home feeling like its always groundhog day (we have groundhog week instead..lol).
Of course it's a lot easier to cope with just one child, so try and give yourself a break (daycare, babysitter) and make the most of kiddy bedtimes!
The kids are already in a pretty firm routine with things like come home from school, homework, dinner, bath, book, bed. Ill probably keep all that the same.
Not much will change as i said hes working 15 hour days now so it shouldnt be that hard to adjust
My husband is the one who makes everyone work in the mines.... He sells the rocks!!
We are currently away from home, but DH goes away a lot. From the uk to china and India mainly. You just deal with it. What I find hard is that I am away from home too. I would probably deal better with DH travel if I had my own comforts. My home, my friends and family. I would have thought I'd be used to this but I'm not! Been doing it nice 2009!
I keep the kids busy, have regular activities, kindy, dinner and bed routine is pretty regimented too.
So for me, coping is made easier by staying really busy and being happy where YOU are at.
For those whos partners work away
Reply With Quote. Life goes on when they are not here, I can't stop and wallow in my own misery about the fact that he is away.
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