I had a dog that sounds similar in some ways. Never abused or neglected as we got him as a puppy, but he had serious separation anxiety (when I had to leave for work he'd hide under the bed, roll on his back and if I tried to get him he would freak out and growl and snap), and would bark and growl at new people when they came over. After a few minutes, particularly if they paid him no attention, he'd settle down and then would want to be patted and cuddles and was quite happy to curl up on their lap and go to sleep. Taking him for walks, he'd again growl and bark at any passing people or dogs. It was really quite distressing for me because, like your boy, he had the sweetest nature when he felt safe.
We got a trainer in who showed me some ways to deal with certain things, like the separation anxiety and how to distract him while out for walks. Because he was a little dog, treats on walks were hard as I couldn't just give them to him as we walked, I'd have to stop on bend down. So instead when I noticed someone or another dog, I would call his name and get his attention and give him verbal praise for behaving. He was very good with the sit command so while on walks and particularly at home when someone would come over, if he started to bark, I would tell him to sit and praise him for sitting and not barking. I would often have to do this multiple times, but he settled much quicker with people doing this.
I don't think you need to be 'stronger' to be a good owner. It will be a long process and he may never be 'cured' as you say. But that doesn't mean he needs to be put down or given away, it just means staying consistent with your own behaviour and how you deal with him. Make sure you assert yourself as the 'pack leader' as this will help aswell. Be patient with him and be kind to yourself. I had my boy probably 3 years when my ex and I separated (he's still with my ex) and it was something we were still working on. It will take time, but it can definitely improve![]()




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