How to Support your Sister through her first Pregnancy

[Ilithyia]

My sister is expecting her first baby. This is her 3rd pregnancy as she's had 2 previous miscarriages.

As her older sister who has had 3 babies herself and is almost a midwife, I feel some place to support, 'advise' and prepare her through her own journey to motherhood.

The relationship between us is somewhat closish however she is very defensive towards me regarding a lot of things.

She has come to me about a few things this time but seems to try and disprove what I'm saying.

For instance today she went to her GP to have her referral sent to the hospital. The GP told her that they don't send off referrals until 23 weeks to which I replied is a crock. She then went on to day a friend of hers was 23 weeks and still hadn't heard from the hospital. I then tried to make it more personal and said that I had my referral sent at 12 weeks and had been seeing my MW since 18 weeks to which she relied 'but isn't that because of your past' meaning Reid's birth.

So I'm at a point now where I think I may just have to leave well alone and let her pave her own path.

What do you think? Has anyone else had any similar experiences? How much support did you give your Sister?

[Joeve]

I would let her know you are there but let her find her own way.
It's hard as you are well informed however if she is trying to disprove you it's not really that beneficial to her.
Going through this journey my self for the first time (as in getting this far) I find the amount of advice I get can be overwhelming and at times annoying! Not saying you are and I think sometimes like everything in life people need to trial and error to see what works for them.
You sound like an awesome big sister though x

[Cassius2]

I'd try to press her for the referral...so important to have contact and care etc...who will organise her scans, pathology etc before 23 weeks? Usually hospitals carry a policy of only accepting their own pathology results for example.

After that, i guess just let her be and be there to simply share in the joy of her pregnancy etc and keep yourself open to her questions if and when they do come?

[myturn]

I guess I will be in your sisters position when I finally get pregnant, and to be honest, I will just want to learn it all myself. I will want it all to be new, and not have my sister tell me anything... It will annoy the crap out of my if she does to be honest

I guess if she is asking that's a bit different - but a bit silly for her to ask a question and then disagree with your comments! however if she just makes a comment and then you tell her that your experience is different, she may resent that. I guess you have to take her lead a bit - and maybe just say, "I'm here if you have any questions, anytime".

oh... and as a big sister myself, I know that I tend to push my opinions and think I know more than she does....but really, it's not true, and we all have to learn our own lessons along the way. Let her enjoy it, without feeling pressure to be doing things the way you think are correct... after all, I bet there will be many MORE differences in opinion once the baby is born.... I cringe with my sisters parenting style, but I have learned not to say anything, as after all... all our experiences are different, and my relationship with her will be affected if I push too hard.. it's just not worth it....

sorry if I sound too harsh, but maybe just let her learn the hard way ... you did.... and that turned out okay I'm assuming....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

OK, looking from your sister's perspective, you appear to be saying:

I am a midwife. I know all about babies. I am further on in my pergnancy than you. Everything that happens to you in this pregnancy, I have experienced first, either from this pregnancy, a previous one or as a midwife. I know everything. You are wrong about pregnancy things, such as what your GP should be doing. I trump you.

What does your sister do? Do you value her career? Her opinions?

Could be that I like being the person with the knowledge and don't like being told otherwise, when I will contradict people. Especially if they tell me that MY knowledge of MY body and MY pregnancy is wrong! Had enough of that last time.

Also, as you are a midwife - I have had more than enough of midwives telling me I'm wrong. And that was before they messed with my birthing mojo. Has she had bad experiences with midwives before to really, really resent your knowledgeable midwife hat going on, even though you are doing it through love?

[Amaunet]

I think you have the right idea in letting her do her own thing, but also letting her know you are there for her should she need anything.

FWIW, I wish I had a sister like you I could have called on for guidance and support, I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate your willingness to provide that for her. I can tell from your post you are wishing to do so out of love for your sister and not a need to "one up" her or boss her about