Raising Girls

[Ilithyia]

I've had a challenging weekend with my Daughters. Its involved lots of tantrrums, tears, back-chatting, mischeviouness, attitutude and at time just down right naughtiness.

Needless to say, I was brought to tears of frustration a few times.

So this morning I've pulled out my copy of "Raising Girls" to see if there is any useful information in there to help me try to understand the phase my girls are going through at the moment. I honestly dont find the book that helpful, especially in understanding DD1. However, there were a few points which I read that got me thinking... such as...

* What more their father could do to maybe influence their behaviour.
* That maybe I'm not spending enough one on one time with DD1 (and DD2 aswell obviously however she is much more independent and less "needy" and emotional)
* Would a girl on school help?

I thought I'd create this thread for us to chat about what things we do to help raise our Daughters and just a general chat thread about raising girls.

I look forward to chatting with you all

[Khaleesi]

I have 3 girls & would love some ideas

[~TT40~]

I have 1 daughter =) that I can tell is already a strong willed little thing =). but it is still early days for me yet, but would love to know what I'm up against in the future

[lilima]

My 3.5 yo DD is quite independent. I think I am more in need of a raising boys thread, as it is DS that I find the challenge.

[nothing2lose]

I have a 10 1/2 year old girl entering puberty! I am soooo in!!!

Sara, I have that book but I have never read it. It's actually on my bedside table

[Kazzo]

So far things have been smooth sailing with both my girls. They are very different in so many ways but they manage to make that work for them.

When I decided to start working in childcare this year I thought I would be more comfortable with working with girls because it is what I know. Buy was I shocked to find out just how wrong I was. Seeing 2-5 year old girls interacting scared me a bit, how mean, rude, spiteful and unpleasent they can be, not only to their friends but to others and adults. I figured it out quickly that boys will hit and say silly words like PooPoohead to each other but girls will say mean things to each other.

This made me become very consious of the way I talked to my DD's and how I let them talk to each other.

DD1 is going through a cry for everything stage. She does not throw tantrums though. I at first would say don't be a cry baby and quickly stopped because I was bullying my own child Now I tell her that she needs to calm down, stop crying and talk to me properly, 95% of the time it works.

[Ilithyia]

N2L - I brought the book a few years ago. At the time, I again didn't feel that it did much to help me. What I did pull from it was how important Father/Daughter relationships are. As a Mother/Woman who grew up never knowing her birth father and having quite nasty step-father, I always knew how important a positive Father role plays in a girls/womans life. I am truely dreading the prepubescent stages as DD1 is already a highly emotional child. Add hormones to the mix and its going to be a roller coaster ride for everyone.

DP is a great Dad really. He has his moments, as do I, and he's had the opportunity to really form a good relationship with our girls while I studied full time and he stayed home with the girls.

I think DD1's issues go further than that and today I have re-visited the idea of taking her to see a child psychologist. I'd be interested to hear other perspectives on this.

DD1 is having issues at school with her learning and development as well as her behaviour. Her school only has 17 kids in it and they are all in the same class. B is the only child in the school who has the issues that she does and I have often thought that because of this, her issues are highlighted which I believe had added to her already anxious personality.

She has recently started re-wetting the bed. I think she must have went around 6 months without wetting the bed then a few months ago started wetting the bed and wetting herself where she sat - be it on the lounge, the bed or on the floor. This to me is alarming behaviour but I can't really pinpoint what would trigger it other than the issues at school.

[Rowellen]

I'm another with a DD that is proving to be challenging. She's 18mo and oh so cute but why oh why must she have an opinion?!?!?!

[~clover~]

My girls have the wrong age gap. Its a constant nightmare. DD1 bullies DD2 alot. Its not her & I've had enough. She's not a bully. She doesn't do it outside the house. Its just towards DD2. She refuses to do anything to help DD2 at all. Its constant bickering. 'She keeps looking at me'. Omg. And its all DD1.

But seeing that mention of dad's influence probably says the most to me.

[Khaleesi]

My 5yo is a Drama Queen, we get a lot of attitude, door slamming, back chatting, tantrums etc... from her.

My 3yo is very stubborn & set in her own ways but every easy going & is the family clown.

My 1yo is just a bubbly happy baby so far, fx she stays that way.

[Rivlas]

You get there with lots of 'trials and errors'. Been there and come out the other end with I hope two balanced girls.

Here are a few things I used.
One thing I found was be as consistent as you can.

If they don't want to go somewhere and the rest of you go there then bad luck. They don't call the shots. You are the parent.
The 'house' rules applied for all until they finished school or got a job.
Keep and open channel for all communication, yes, sometimes you wanted to scream at the drivel and dramas but you could also read between the sentences
When the nasty talk starts amoungst their friends talk to them about it. How they feel etc. Does this type of talk help anyone?

Remember, what they hear and watch will influence their lives.
If they are asked to someones house, take them and introduce yourself to the parents.
Always know you will pick them up at any time of the night if they need. This happened a couple times and when asked if I was cross I could always honestly say 'no, I and not cross just tired'
I always tried to make afternoon tea a time of sitting and talking about their and my day.

[Nai]

I'm in - I have 2 girls who are also very different personality wise. Thankfully they currently get along and love love each other to bits because I don't know what I would do if I had to deal with anything more than their usual bickering!!

[PumpkinZulu]

Me too, about to have two girls, 18 months apart. So the advice in here will be my bible lol.

[~me~]

I am in! My DD who is the youngest is extremely challenging. My DH is really struggling with her personality. Our boys were a breeze!

She is very independent, wants to help out ALL the time. It's usually her way or no way. She threw a tantrum when DH took her out the other day, that was it for him, the final straw. He refuses to take her out on his own again. She does not understand the concept of no even if I explain the consequence such as getting hurt if you stir the hot pot when I am not looking.
I can see some light I think, or perhaps I am just adjusting and getting used to her personality

[nickle730]

My DD1 is 9 years old and prepubescent. She is currently exceptionally challenging and I am struggling to maintain my temper at times. The answering back drives me nuts!! this morning I copped a couple of eye rolls to go with the retorts.

DD2 is almost 2 and so far has been a pretty easy bub, but I see her beginning to assert her stubborn independence... just as DD1 did at this age!

I also have a boy in the middle... but that's for another thread!

[Liviam]

I'm in too. DD is 5 years old and my oh my what a Drama queen with spunk I have here, LOL!!! She is an absolute cracker and I'm dreading teenage years already.

[Heaven]

Me! I have 2 girls 3.5 and 1.5 yrs. So far so good really. They love each other so much and most of the time play nicely. They make me jealous, I always wanted a sister myself, lol.

I love raising girls but it also scares me! I worry about all the pressure little girls are under these days and self-esteem issues, etc. So I'm really trying to focus on giving them a positive body image from the start, i.e. I don't complain about my own appearance, I don't wear makeup all the time at home, I try not to tell them they look 'pretty' too much and instead comment on what they can do, etc, all that kind of stuff. Who knows if it will work but I'm trying! I saw a great quote by Kate Winslet the other day on FB which read

"As a child I never heard one woman say to me 'I love my body'. Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. No one woman has ever said 'I am so proud of my body'. So I make sure to say it to Mia because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age".

Thought that was really great and I will make sure to tell my girls how amazing my body is and how it grew and fed them.

When I have difficult times with them and I'm getting really frustrated I have realised that it's usually me I'm trying to rush them, or I'm not paying enough attention, I'm busy cleaning the kitchen or something, I'm not listening to what they're really saying. So I'm trying to work on that. Just slowing down and letting them experience life without rushing them through it because I've got stuff that needs to be done. Really, it can wait! I will only get this time once. If they want to help with the washing it might take twice as long but they are learning and having fun so I just need to chill, lol.

So I don't really have any useful advice yet because mine are only little but looking forward to what everyone else has to say!

[LuluHB]

I have three - 5.5, 4.5 and 4 months. So far the 4 month old is a piece of cake ;-)

My eldest two are chalk and cheese - #1 is generally a sunny, happy, chatty, self assured little girl but we're certainly having our moments with wilfulness, stubbornness and just plain pain-in-the-arseness. #2 is a complete introvert, has severe anxiety but is actually a very confident little person while in her comfort zone. Both have been "diagnosed" as gifted and while I'm very pleased to have intelligent children, I think that will bring with it problems of its own. Generally they are great together but obviously they have their moments. School is bringing new challenges in terms of their exposure to other kids whose behaviour is what we accept in our house, but I guess that's only going to get harder as they get older.

I too worry about the pressure placed on girls, so we're also working hard on not instilling negative/dangerous thoughts into their everyday lives. I'm especially worried because my DH's family (three sisters, M&D) have very unhealthy views - as far as they're concerned skinny=beautiful and they are constantly making remarks to their own kids (all boys) about weight, as well as being obsessively skinny themselves. They've also tried to have conversations around my kids about which of my girls is prettier!! It makes it very hard to instill in them a healthy, positive acceptance of their own bodies however they may be.

Our biggest challenges at the moment are definitely me having enough one on one time with DDs 1 and 2. DD3 takes so much time obviously at the moment, but I'm hoping that will change soonish when she starts solids. I miss my big girls. They're bright, funny, sweet little people