Gift Etiquette?

[Amaunet]

I had my Mothers Group combined first birthday party today. Everyone was asked to bring a gift of $15 value appropriate to both genders and the babies would pick their own. I spent about $19 but got both items on sale so the value was more like $30. But the present my DS2 picked out was a small hand puppet (like a soft toy) from a larger "value" department store and would have cost $9.93 (I have the store price app) it is also a bit girly (purple unicorn) Am I right to be a bit shirty? I put a lot of thought into my gift, shopped around for good value and then when my main item was on sale, bought a second item to make up to the $15 price, so my recipient got a ride on bike thingy ($10) and a Fisher price dog (the most fought over toy in my house lol) All the other gifts were obviously over the $15 price as well. I feel ripped off! I know is is incredibly petty, but it's my DS2's first birthday gift (he is the youngest in our Mothers Group and not 1 yet) and it is dodgy... If there is a price guideline, should you stick to it?

[feeb]

I am always one that generally spends more than the set amount as I always find the perfect gift and even if too much I can't change my mind from it.

I would be peed off as well, especially when you have got such a great pressie. I personally find it better to have a max and min amount to give people a prompt as often people see 1 figure as a max amount. Would have been better to say $15 - $20 or something.

We had a group mothers group party this year for 4 year olds and we all had 1 person to buy for, and those of us with other children were to take a pressie for them. It worked well and everyone got a great pressie that was perfect for them!

[krysalyss]

I think you should at least meet the price suggestion and then if you want to you can go over. But I also think in that kind of situation (mothers group as opposed to say a family secret santa) I would be pretty casual about it all. I think it is lovely that you put a lot of effort in, and unfortunate that the reciprocal gift wasn't quite as nice, but I think it is not worth getting too upset over.

[LuluHB]

I'd probably be a bit shirty too. If I have to buy something to a budget then I either buy within cents of it, or what is more common is that I do as you did - buy both over budget of what I actually pay, as well as buying well over value because I will buy something on sale.

Sorry you feel a bit peeved, but I'm sure your little one will like it as well as anything else - as my DH constantly tells me, the kids have no idea of monetary value at this point.

[Amaunet]

Thanks, I know it's incredibly petty lol. My DS2 has shown no interest in the toy as it doesn't make noise He's not into soft toys at all yet. Every other gift was a fisher price or little people type toddler thingy (bright primary colours), way more in DS2s style, he kept trying to mug all the others for their toy lol.

I'm tempted to not remove the packing and add it to my present cupboard for regifting....

[Eenee]

Yeah I'd be annoyed but I'm sure he won't even know.

This is the exact reason I never get into those buy a gift to certain amount thing. As I always put thought into it and then get some cheap $2 shop thing that I end up chucking in the bin.

Not much you can do about it but know your gift made someone else happy.

[OceanPrincess]

...I'm tempted to not remove the packing and add it to my present cupboard for regifting....

Just do that. He is going to get such wonderful gifts from his awesome parents -don't let this little one silly gift spoil it.

[chody47]

We had the exact same thing happen at our Mother's group Christmas catch up last year. DD ended up with a cheap bath toy, well under the limit, that was too advanced for her to use. However, she now loves it, it's one of her favourite bath toys, so you never know, regardless of the price, it may end up being loved!

To answer your question though, yes you should stick to the price limit. I'm always one to go slightly over rather than under(except for a work Kris Kringle last year where DH found a very popular cookbook worth about 3x the $ limit for about $5 under it. Everyone wanted that present!)

[TeniBear]

For the original question, yes, I think adherence to the price limit is important in scenarios like this.

As for the situation as a whole - if your DS chose his own gift (was I reading that right?), I don't see what's to be upset about. He got what he chose for himself, it doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's not the buyer's fault you and everyone else went over the limit

[Amaunet]

It was wrapped, so he just grabbed the nearest parcel at the time and reality is we have a house full of toys so he's not deprived!

BUT, $9.93 is significantly less than $15 and (33%) and its just a really boring, crap, cheap choice. And as his first first birthday gift, and first present he's ever opened, it was a let down iykwim. I know that it could have been a just as crap $15 present, but this just seems ... thoughtless as well as cheap. At least my 3.5yo DS1 wasn't jealous of it

[TeniBear]

Ahhhh, okay, I misunderstood the choosing bit Never mind me then I agree it's a bit of a crappy present, and I'd have tried to get something else to make up the $15 if it were me buying. Maybe they're embarrassed as well, not realising everyone else was actually putting thought in? I've been caught in that with a Secret Santa a few years ago

[surprised]

One of those unfortunate things I life I'm afraid... Yes, you certainly shouldnt go under - but I personally think you shouldnt go more than a dollar or two over either.

Perhaps the mum had it in her present cupboard and overestimated the value?

Next year I'd be suggesting the group doesn't do presents... Kids don't need more toys anyway!

I'm sorry you're feeling cheated - I would be too!

[Rouge]

I'm sorry. But I can't get over the focus on money here. Petty is one thing, but to know how much something cost down to the cent and then work out the percentage difference and then discussions of regifting? I'm sorry but Kris Kringle or not how about just being grateful? I mean I certainly don't look at a present I've given my bestie and compare it with what I received. I don't understand this. It's about the giving not the receiving. TBH I think the universe is trying to show you something here.

[Teeki]

Hmm, I actually wonder if the person who bought your gift feels bad? The limit was $15, but you've said all but hers were clearly over that and you bought a gift valued at $30 - so double what everyone was expected to spend. I know if I'd gone and gotten something small and cheap and then saw that everyone else had kind of cheated, I'd feel pretty crappy about my gift.

That said, I'm sure your DS won't mind one bit. The colour doesn't matter, and I know with DD it was very shortly after her first birthday that she got right into soft toys. Besides, he's going to get all his big, good pressies from you anyway

[Beautiful Disaster]

I always put effort in and generally spend more than the suggested limit. I've chosen not to participat in that sort of thing cause I've had a few bad experiences now.

[Astrid]

I agree with Rouge. I also think that you should stick to the $ value stipulated. I don't think you can complain about that you think someone has spent under when you have deliberately gone over. The rules go both ways What is the point of the limit if everyone flouts it. For example if you really want to spend $20, then make the limit that, don't make it $15 and then expect everyone to know they need to spend $20. No wonder people get it wrong and cause unintended offence. Good chance with these situations people have done the right thing and then felt embarrassed at the time when they realised that others were spending way over the limit. Also for all we know, the mother may have paid around $15 for the present depending on where she went to buy it.

If you have certain expectations, then get them added to the rules. If you all wanted Fisher Price, then maybe put that as a rule I honestly prefer the ones, where you buy a book.

[lilima]

Personally, as it was a $15 gift limit, I wouldn't dwell on it. You will never get much for $15 except plastic anyway....

[wysiwyg]

I always think the beauty of secret santa is that you get something different to what you would necessarily choose yourself. I know there are things that just don't enter into my head to buy, but do to others and I think is great that my kids will have chance to explore different things - often they are their favorites because they are so different. I am always more disappointed if I get the sort of thing that I would have chosen myself. Personally I would consider a purple unicorn to be gender neutral - if it is a hand puppet perhaps he has shown no interest because he doesn't understand it - have you tried using it with him - I know when mine have been 1 some of their fav items were hand puppets from IKEA, not able to use themselves but often bringing them over for me to use with them.