Returning to work FT and study - panicked, stressed & that guilty feeling
So, after much discussion about how we are ever going to get ahead, I have made the heartbreaking decision that I need to go back to work FT.
I know that the girls will be fine in cc (they love thier new centre where they have been for the last term) but me on the other hand. I'm panicked and stressed to the point that I have had panic attacks.
Am I doing the right thing?
Will the girls hate me for leaving them 5 days a week?
Its DD1's last year before she goes to school, will she hate me for not being there?
What am I going to miss?
How will I stay on top of house work (even with me working ft we can't afford a cleaner)?
How will I stay organised with meals so that we always have healthy food?
How do I deal with the stigma that seems to be attached to mums that work ft and put kids in cc? Added to this, we have decided not to tell my parents i'm going back ft because I can't deal with the comments about me working ft (and where we live). I KNOW they don't intend to offend me or make me feel guilty but I already do, I don't need them to remind me of what I already feel.
All these things going through my head, I feel sick and i'm tired. I have had so much to deal with this year and this isn't helping my cause.
I know that people do this everyday all around the world, and I know that i'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I'm just really struggling atm. I'm sure it'll be fine but right now, in my head, not so much.
Just to add to my stress this week (and probably not so much related) I have exams in January that reading the stufy notes for, I am COMPLETELY underprepared for! So more to pile on there.
Work has actually been good and have said I can trial it for January and make my final decision then, but I think deep down I know the truth..
What do other do? How do you stay organised? How did you cope with the stress and/or guilt of going back to work? I'm trying to focus on the good - that with me working more we can get more debt paid off quicker, start saving for a house and even MAYBE, Just MAYBE have a family holiday. A real family holiday, one where we can unwind and relax and just enjoy each others company. And in the long term, this is all good stuff isn't it???
Back to my clouded confused and stressed mind......
Oh I can totally sympathise - its my easy is it? I've been working 4 days a week (so not quite full time), since DD was 6 months old, and I spent the last semester studying. I will admit, I have plenty of times where I just feel so guilty, but at other times it doesn't seem so bad....DD loves childcare and I do enjoy my work - it doesn't mean that I don't wish I was spending more time with her though.
As for the staying on top of things tips. These are some things we did:
1. On Saturday and Sunday nights we would cook what we call 'two nighters', meaning we had a couple of nights dinner for the week already pre-prepared. The slowcooker with another one or two nighter during the week is also handy.
2. I'd try and do a load of washing at least a couple of times during the week so there wasn't as much to do on the weekends
3. On a good note, the house doesn't get as dirty during the weeks as you are barely ever there! On the weekends DH and I would just try to get stuck into the housework to get it done. My house rarely looks as good as I'd wish, but it's liveable and occasionally we will do a mega clean.
No real answers to your questions - but you are not alone. We are trying to come to a similar decision - because I can't seem to get part-time work.
The thought of trying to get two to daycare and then to work 5 days a week terrifies me. I hate feeling torn more than anything, and know I would find the pull of work and the pull of the children difficult.
I did work fulltime once before when only had DD and hated it so I also have that barrier to overcome. I am not sure what others do - I don't know anyone who works full-time and has children in CC full-time (most if work fulltime have grandparents take on some of the daycare, which I can see really helping not only with the cost but I know I would feel less "guilty" if we did that and also would be easier as I wouldn't have to get them to childcare they could come here and they could also continue doing some of the stuff they already do with friends just with my mum instead - we would need to ship her over from UK and find her somewhere to live too, to do it).
Also based on my calculations I wouldn't actually earn any more working 5 days a week to 3 (due to the cap on the CCR) so the only benefit would be that could actually get a job in the first place.
In the situation you describe - I would focus on all the things you mention and make sure you have a budget so you can really 'see' the benefits of the extra money. Maybe what you are doing will also help you in the future be more around when the girls are at school in terms of being there after school etc - so you 'lose' a bit now but 'gain' later on IYKWIM.
I work 4 days per week and there are times where I do not feel like I am coping as well as I should.
Essentially I try to simplify things. I limit the extra activities for the children, so they have 1 thing each. Earlier this year DH had DD1 enrolled in twice a week martial arts and it just about wrecked me, so I pulled her out the moment the contract was up.
I limit my activities, whilst it sounds great to be doing yoga, meditation etc, the stress involved in getting there, making sure DH was around to look after the kids, the loss of time at home to do things or just plain rest, was not worth the benefit.
I insist on have a home day once a week, a day where we go no where. We live just out of town, so just a quick trip means at least an hour of the day gone. I find those days beneficial, I just take me time doing what needs to be done in between doing those things that I need to do.
I don't tend to feel guilt these days, as I feel the girls having a roof over their head, good food on the table, being able to not miss out on school trips etc, is important. We would struggle to provide those things if I was not working in some capacity. Plus the stress of lack of money for me is worse than the stress of trying to do so much.
Check out the book "A pressure cooker saved me life". Written by an Aus news-presenter, who did try to do it all till her body told her to stop. She had various tips in there for coping (some are good, some not so) , along with some history of house keeping (very interesting), lots of pressure cooking info (great, as I don't have time for slow cooker prep of a morning). Really, just reading her story I found beneficial.
Re: Returning to work FT and study - panicked, stressed & that guilty feeling
I work full time and have done since May. it's hard but I have a great DH who pretty much has dinner ready when I get home cause I work in city which is hour bus drive. he picks up DS when he finishes. as for cleaning we do it on the weekend. it's hard and it annoys me but it's what we have to do to survive
When I returned to FT work I felt guilty. Until my first paycheck came in. I had doubled our income. I was doing this for my family. I was sacrificing what I wanted (to be at home with my little boy) to provide him with what he needed. A better home, better food, less stressed out and financially strapped parents.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
I have been working for days since i went back when dd2 was 6 months old, so i don't know, maybe it wont be a huge change??
Returning to work FT and study - panicked, stressed & that guilty feeling
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