An "interesting" conversation with a MW

[forshelby]

I really hope this chick isn't on duty when I birth.

I met a new MW at my second hospital appointment, and here were some of the interesting points she had to make. Her comments are in bold.

You'll have to be constantly monitored by CTG whilst you labour.
What about wireless monitoring?
We don't have wireless.
How convenient!
Or you can have that "little scalp clip on baby" so you can move around more freely.
It's not a clip. I don't want things screwed into my baby's scalp for anyones convenience.

They like you to dialate 1cm per hour, but at least 1/2cm per hour otherwise you'll be declared FTP.
And then what?
And then you'll have to have another c/s.
Um, HAVE to? No thanks. I won't consent based on FTP alone. That is not a medical indication to cut me open. Unless one or both of us are in distress, they can keep their scalpels to themselves.
Well, there is the risk of rupture...
1% isn't a risk worth discussing. Why aren't you telling me about PPH? That's 30 times more likely to happen, and seems more appropriate to address.
*shifty look*
I don't like any of these rules and regulations being imposed on me, ok? I won't be complying unless there is a medical NEED for these restrictions on my movement, my dignity and so on. They seem to be designed to make me feel out of control and at the drs mercy. That will not be happening. I do not consent to any of this.

(surely by now she'd realised I was going to kick anyone in the balls who tried to de-rail this birth??? )

They'd like you to have a cannula inserted as soon as you arrive. You know, just in case.
What, in case I fail? Seems pretty likely if I play by your rules. No wonder the success rate is only 16%.
Oh, I think given that you got to 6cm last time you've got at least a 60-70% chance of a vaginal delivery this time.
Not if I'm stuck on the bed with people shoving their hands inside me every hour. How am I meant to relax like that? Like I said, these policies seem designed to force me into submission. Not happening.
Okay........... well.......... *shifty look* I just need to get the OB to sign off on a few things because you're not a...... er.......... straightforward case.



What a silly woman. The part I find most amusing is how on earth they're going to know how much I'm dialating per hour- when I plan to refuse routine VE's? I mean seriously, I'm nervous enough. I don't need someone shoving their hand in my vagina every hour and telling me how slow my progress is. I can't remember what it's called, but I"m pretty sure that'll trigger the fear response and cause me to go BACKWARDS!

All in all, I left feeling p*ssed off, but proud that I stood up to her so gracefully. No tears, no hysterics, no swearing. Until I got to the car. Then I called DP and swore my head off.... lol.


edit: I must add, I'm REALLY annoyed that I'm not a straightforward case, despite the fact that all the difficulties and complications I had last time were caused by the hospital and their dodgy practises! Not me! I am fit and healthy, and would have been fine, had they left me the hell alone. But no, now because of their mistake upon mistake, I'm labelled a difficult case. Let me just re-iterate: I was not in a coma because I'm flawed or weak in some way. I was in a coma because some idiot extubated me whilst I was still paralysed. How the hell they think this will affect my next birth, is beyond me. What, are they planning to stick a tube down my throat, too? Just in case? F***!!!

[Cricket]

Nicely done.
I'd probably be left standing there, fuming, ready to cry, and unable to come up with a single suitable response.

[LimeSlice]

I cannot like this enough! Well done for standing up for yourself!!! That is awesome

Make sure your DH and other support people are on the same page as you and you will be fine.

[onthefly]

They do so often set mothers up to fail, don't they?
I hope whoever is with you on the day cares for you with compassion and the utmost sensitivity.

[No.5]

Yay forshelby! Good on your for standing up for your birth

Hope I have the courage to do that if/when the time comes.

[Ladylove]

Whoah.

Forshelby you handled her perfectly though. That was a lesson in birthing activism.

[~TT40~]

it does sound like a set up =(
good on you for doing your research and sticking up for yourself. like LS says make sure whoever your support people are are on the same page. and I do hope whoever is there on the day does what they are suppose to do (sometimes not their job), that is supports you and listens to your needs and helps understand your body the way you do and not go by the piece of paper and what act like you are exactly the same as everybody else.

[forshelby]

Cricket - Oh, I wanted to cry. I felt like crying when I left, but then I replayed the conversation in my head and realised who won that round. Me! She was totally destabilised by my rebuttles, and kept shifting around in her seat uncomfortably. I was in control, and it made me feel so good.

Limeslice - Oh, DP has heard me rant and rave since the day we conceived how this time would be different lol. He knows my wishes, and he knows the signs that I'm crumbling. He also knows what to say when I can't speak for myself....... that's one good thing we can take from the experience of DS's birth. Because I couldn't speak for days afterwards, and couldn't write intelligably most of the time, he learned to read my eyes and hand gestures lol. He knew I wanted TV just by a flicker of my eyelids. I would point to my tube when it was digging in and getting uncomfortable. He knows his stuff, that's for sure. Pretty sure we have telepathy lol.

MadB - Oh yes, they certainly do. When I made that point, the MW looked so uncomfortable, because she knew I was right. The thing is, earlier in the conversation she confessed to me that she's yet to have any children herself. So everything she was telling me was simply textbook jargon. She hasn't been there, done that, got the t-shirt. She doesn't know what it's like to have so many restrictions imposed on you before you even walk through the door.

Now I'm slightly concerned I'll wait too long to present at hospital and give birth in the car.... Although that sure would eliminate a lot of their rules. Unless of course I'm not allowed to give birth without their hands shoved inside my vagina and their needles in my arms. You know, cause that'd just be inconvenient for them!

[forshelby]

Schonell - I didn't have time to think about being brave or not. I just saw red when she started talking to me as if I was damaged goods and needed all these interventions so I'd survive. Ridiculous! I tried to explain what caused all my troubles, (intervention- DER!) and she just kept on about how I needed this and that. Pffft. Like a hole in the head, love.

Ladylove - Oh my god, I've become a birth activist and I didn't even know it. lol. I might have to stage a pregnant protest at the hospital doors next time they mess with me!

TT40 - If it's not a setup then I must be crazy lol. I'm really glad that the MW I met at Tweed is LOVELY. I also encountered another one when I went in for a check because bubby had been really quiet for a whole day. It's the antenatal appointments at murwillumbah I don't like! Seems like they're living in the dark ages. Thing is, the MW's at both hospitals work at either one. They're interchangeable, so it's the luck of the draw.

What I did like was when we did the hospital tour at Tweed, and I asked some tough questions, the MW didn't flinch. She told me what the policy was, but also agreed that these things are completely negotiable, and if I wished to ignore their advice, I absolutely could jump in the bath and birth in there.

I told her I loved her lol.

[Traveller]

Good on you for standing up for yourself! Have you got good support for your birth, a doula or a student who can help you verbalise your wishes in labour?

[forshelby]

Yes, a doula. Shes a BB member and a long time friend of mine... long distance of course. So long as she can make it all is locked in.

Better go, DS is attacking me with sloppy 2 y.o kisses and trying to sit on my bump. That's what I get for lying so vulnerably on a mattress on the floor LOL

[BellyBelly]

That is totally awesome!!!! You rock!!! Im another who cant think of what to say on the fly lol. But I am good at saying no to crap like that.

[Cassius2]

awesome awesome awesome

definitely thinking you will need extra support while there though. they can be totally shifty when they want and have had lots of experience in making women comply. But yeah, the idea of turning up at the last possible minute is i reckon a pretty fab way to do it lol.

[~TT40~]

i think its so disapointing and horrible that women feel they have to rock up at the very last minute to avoid all this stuff... and to get an empowering birth

[onthefly]

i think its so disapointing and horrible that women feel they have to rock up at the very last minute to avoid all this stuff... and to get an empowering birth

It is very disappointing, yes.

[AliBaby]

Good on you for sticking up for yourself!

TT40- so true! Very sad.

[forshelby]

i think its so disapointing and horrible that women feel they have to rock up at the very last minute to avoid all this stuff... and to get an empowering birth

Me too. It sucks when you can't trust they'll do right by you. Sure they probably won't hurt me on purpose. But they're more interested in me being submissive and a conveniently subdued patient than what I need. And they definitely won't treat me better because of my past trauma. In fact it seems to be their excuse to bully, coerce and force me to agree to treatments designed to get me out of L&D faster. Be it to the OR or with my babe in arms- they don't care.

I still can't rule out accidentally kicking someone in the face.

[Rosey]

Good on you hun! Medical 'professionals' have a way of making us feel inferior and easily get the better of me even if I've had the conversation in my head a thousand times I usually back pedal.

I really hope you get the birth you want and they support you!