Night wakings, comfort feeding and not enough wet nappies

[LuluHB]

My ever growing list of concerns!

1. Night waking and comfort feeding. Still four plus times a night and really, really taking a toll. My DH tries to help by getting up to settle her if its been less than four hours since she's had a feed, but she screams twice as loud when she sees its him not me. I have tried settling her without a feed if its been a short time between feeds but TBH it takes 15 minutes to feed her and get her back down and me back into bed, as opposed to over an hour to settle her without a feed. What is frustrating me though is that if I offer her a bottle during the night she flat out refuses it, but will breastfeed which suggests to me it is purely a comfort thing.

2. I don't think her nappies are wet enough. She's in cloth so its not quite as easy to tell, but I don't need to change her less than four hourly. Her nappies are wet, but only just ITMS. I'm worried she's not feeding/drinking enough during the day but no matter how much I offer she has barely any interest in day feeds. She will have a breastfeed before her morning sleep, and then again around 3.30 pm before her afternoon snooze, and then 7pm before bed but that's it until we hit the night time fun.

Is any of this normal? Do you think I should take a tougher line and not feed her during the night in the hope that a few awful nights might result in her stopping to wake for a comfort feed? Do the nappies sound ok?

I'm really at a loss with this baby so all and any comments gratefully received.

[Starfish]

you sound stressed out. what you have described sounds like it could just a be a normal phase, but you're her mother,so you know her best. if you ink that there is an issue, then go with your instict and get her checked out.
How old is she? (I am assuming this is your youngest dd, yes?)
There is nothing wrong with offering the boob for comfort at night. She will grow out of it and the bonding and reassurance and comfort that you give her now will help her emotional and cognitive development, so if you're happy to do it, hen keep doing it. Nothing wrong there.
Re the nappies - changing 4 hourly = about 6 nappies per 24 hours. That sounds normal. If you're using cloth, it will be absorbent, so shouldn't seem too wet because it is the nature of the fabric to absorb liquids.
How is your dd otherwise? Is she happy and settled during the day? Is she meeting developmentAl milestones? If she is. Then it sounds like there are no issues.

[LuluHB]

She's just over 10 months Starfish and yes, my youngest. She's generally an incredibly happy little girl and developmentally is if anything beyond her milestones - walking and quite a bit of talking.

Its nothing new what she's doing - she has been like this since 3 months - but I had hoped that she would grow out of it by now or at least ease off a bit. If she were having a real feed when she woke then I would just put it down to her inability to stay still for two seconds during the day to feed, so its catching up with her at night, but she literally latches on and goes straight back to sleep. I love that I'm still breastfeeding her, but I would love to get more than two hours sleep at any one time too!

[Barb Glare]

Hi, Lulu, you sound exhausted - 3 kids is pretty full on! Your little one is .....normal! doesn’t mean it’s not really tiring. In terms of not enough wet nappies - does she drink much water? the answer is not breastmilk or formula at this age - she should be having some water to drink in a cup as well. Is she a good eater? Does she eat a range of food including meat?
In terms of sleep there are a couple of ways to skin that cat. My preferred is the route of least resistance! Co-sleeping can be very helpful. Controlled comforting may work (or may not) and you have to be very prepared for some *very* bad nights.

[LuluHB]

Thanks Barb. She's pretty good with eating and has quite a bit of meat and fish, although fruit and vegies aren't flash at this point. Water not too bad too, although its still far more entertaining to see how much we can put on the floor rather than in our mouths!

We bed shared until she was probably about 7 months or so, but then I thought I might as well try at least get good quality sleep when I could actually get it (which I don't with her because she snuggles RIGHT in). Her sleeping stayed much the same when we moved her to her own room, which is great. The downside of course is that I actually have to get out of bed to her!

I guess one of my biggest concerns is that if I stop allowing her the comfort feeds at night that my supply is really going to suffer. I already feel that its diminished significantly (she will frequently have a breastfeed at night and then 200mls or so from a bottle half an hour later just before bed), and if I take the hard line on no comfort feeds, am I going to end up losing my supply completely? I feel a bit like I'm in a catch 22 - do the hard yards and get some sleep in the not too distant future, but is the cost going to be that I am no longer able to breastfeed?

[*beannaithe*]

Lulu, huge hugs to you hun, you sound exhausted. We went through something similar with Miss G, who is nine months. She was only waking maybe three times a night but it was for a MINIMUM if an hour. As in, if I fed her, which is the fastest way to settle her, she would feed/suck for one hour plus and if we tried to settle her in other ways, it was up to three hours. Needless to say, we were all shattered, including E who was constantly getting her sleep disturbed as well. As a result, something had to give. We ended up sidecarring her cot to our bed and taking a bit of a harder line by not getting her up when she woke, rather cuddling into her and patting her. I thought this was going to he absolutely horrific and was in tears at the thought but tbh, I can't actually say we had one horrendous night doing this at all, I think she really just needed to be reassured that we were always right there. In doing this, she has gone from having her first feed/wake up if the night at 11pm to an awesome 5am - ish!!!!! Her feeding was so much out of habit at night and she would spend so much time feeding at night that it was like she didnt need the calories during the day itms and would hardly eat. Now, because she is only having one overnight feed, she is feeding SO much better during the day and not seeming to miss the night feeds. Because if this, my supply doesn't seem to have been affected, I did wake in floods a few nights but it has regulated more now and I just seem to be producing more during the day as she is taking more then. If course, her new and improved sleeping is a very new thing (she's only been doing this for about a week) and I keep waiting for the ***** to hit the fan, she is still waking umpteen times a night but the difference is that we are all getting so much more sleep as she is settling usually within about five minutes. Touch wood.

I hope you can find something that works for you, chronic sleep deprivation is the worst xxx

[LuluHB]

That's fantastic news Melissa. I'm so glad you're getting improvement. What you've described is exactly my next step. I went to sleep school twice and the second time they told me to just put her to bed and leave her, no matter what. I said no way, and their compromise position was exactly what you've done with your little miss. Nice to know it does work!! Thank you. You've given me the confidence to at least give it a go.

[OceanPrincess]

I was going to suggest side-caring the cot too. I'm another one who struggles with co-sleeping... It's a bit if a last resort in our house. It's just not comfortable for me.

Are her weight gains good? Is she growing, length and head? Bit harder at 10 months as she might not have been measured in a while, but is she filling out her clothes? Her nappies sound ok, it could just be that she isn't a big wetter. Don't forget if she poos she's probably weeing at the same time, so don't forget to count that one.

Re the night wakings... If you're at the point where you want to draw the line and work on settling her without boob, then do it. There isn't anything wrong with her waking and wanting to suck, be it for feed or comfort. That is, there isn't anything wrong - until there is. So it isn't a problem until it isn't working for you.

It sounds like you've reached that point. Give the side-car idea a whirl. If it doesn't change things, yeah, you might be up for a few nights of screaming while you try and work out the way to settle her.

As for your supply - you'll have to watch it. Even if she is just comfort sucking over night, it'll still be a trigger for your body the produce more milk. So if you cut them out, do watch for signs that your supply is dipping and if you're concerned, try and work out how you can feed her more often during the day. That'll be challenging too - so here's hoping it doesn't come to that

[LuluHB]

Her weight and length are really stabilising at the moment - nappies getting looser (which could be being up on her feet as much as anything), wearing the same size for the last few months etc - but that's what my girls do. They start off as boofas and end up petite little fairies off the bottom end of the charts. Head I haven't had measured in ages.

Thanks OP. Will definitely give it a go. I'm worried about my supply - I'm stubbornly hanging in until we get to at least 12 months - so will no doubt be back for magic tips on how to boost my supply when my baby barely feeds!!