Life is busy and demanding as any life with 3 children would be - add to the fact 1 is 3 1/2 and the twins are almost 2 adds an extra dimension to the craziness that is my life...

But factoring in that the twins have developmental delays as well creates it's own challenges - 'R' is delayed in gross and fine motor skills and 'L' is speech delayed ie: he has no words at all.

Both boys are seeing a Speech Therapist who has told me that both boys show signs of ASD (which has been in the back of my mind about R as he also displays obsessive tendancies - wheel spinning etc - and also lack of emotion), these indicators have really ramped up lately with both boys refusing to sleep, night waking, uncontrollable tantrums and now they have learnt to climb they display no awareness of fear or danger.

I'm about to lose my mind as I just cannot watch them 24/7 - especially when they stimulate each other to such a degree that they then go in different direction and cause chaos. I feel constantly worn down and tired and snappy all the time, my 3 1/2 yr old cops a lot of my frustration and all up I feel like I'm letting her down by not being a better mum to her as my focus is so much on the boys and what they are doing.

R is on the waiting list for Early Childhood intervention and L has just had an application submitted for him to be added to the wait list as well. We are seeing our GP tomorrow to be referred to a child psychologist to have the behaviour matters addressed, I'm still waiting to hear from an Occupational Therapist to assess their needs and add this to the Speech Therapist my mind is going crazy with all the appt's and costs to have the boys treated until they get offered a place with a specialised service.

I have applied to Centrelink for a Carers Allowance to help cover the costs of some of the services - but it has been such a challenge to try and get a payment and I'm still waiting to hear back if we have been accepted. So this is just adding to my stress levels even more as we are a 1 income family and I've just started my own business (as a Marriage Celebrant) which I am using as an outlet for some me time. Plus I wanted to have a business that I can start off small and then grow once the kids are bigger and I had more time available to build my network, but it feels like I'm sinking in quicksand fast and can't see an end in sight.

I have looked at the options to put the boys into childcare for 1 day a week to give me a break, but until L is accepted into the Early Childhood Intervention system we financially can't afford to put both boys into childcare as the out of pocket would be too much for us to manage. Once he is accepted however then we will look at options as we can get funding to cover our out of pocket expenses, but once this happens then trying to find a childcare place for 1 child is near impossible so for 2 our chances are minuscule.

I suppose I just needed to get it out of my head and if anyone has any ideas of how I can manage all these challenges until we get some professional services for the boys I would love to hear them.

They say twins are given to people who can handle them - but twins with special needs is something I never dreamed would happen to me...