I fear we may have created a bit of a monster in DS5. I don't mind spoiling him. There isn't much that he goes without.
However, it seems that DS has a huge sense of self entitlement. He has no issue with breaking toys, his or my things. He doesn't care, just tells me that we can buy another. He doesn't care if toys get taken away from him, he will wait it out until they return or ask for another (he doesn't get it )
He doesn't respect his toys. Perhaps its an age thing? I don't know.
his attitude stinks lately, he will behave atrociously and then demand to get something (lolly, toy etc - he doesn't get it)
I bought some toys today for a Christmas drive that the school is holding (they had to be new as they are being sent away or something otherwise it would have been our usual pick one of your toys, must not be broken, must be something you play with and given that - not that he really cares with that either) and he took them and tried to hide them so he could keep them and play with them.
Anyway I told them they were for the poorer people and that we were giving them away, they were not for him. To which his reply was "dont they have parents? Can't their parents just buy *them* something?"
I'm trying to reinforce that being a brat will not get you want you want and if you can't respect your things then you get nothing else. I also want to help guide him in the right direction, that its wonderful to be so privileged to have such nice things, but that there are people out there that don't get these types of things and it is a good thing to give them something meaningful to them.
I think I have created a bit of a monster without meaning to
I think its the age. Apparently its a developmental thing and they are all about themselves until about 7ish? DS is 6.5 and still like that, and my kids definitely do not get spoilt, we can't afford to! If they want anything, they get pocket money that they have to work around the house to earn, and then they can buy what they like.
We are forever telling the kids how lucky they are compared to others, but it falls on deaf ears really. So I don't really have any advice, I think its something that comes with age and maturity - and the realisation that you aren't the only person in the world.
I'm waiting for DS to get to that point, its been a rough few years here!
Our DS is extremely similar. He has a high expectation of being given things lately, and if people come to visit, he asks "What will they bring me?". We were quite horrified because as far as we are aware, we have never spoilt him (a bit sometimes but not lots). We have started to really explain where money comes from, how hard Daddy works, how lucky he is, etc. He does seem to be a bit more understanding especially of the concept that money doesn't just come out of the hole in the wall. He also really wanted a particular toy and our local toy shop is great. They let him layby it and he paid it off from earning money from doing jobs around the house, and going to work with Dad. It took him a fair while to pay it off but the sense of achievement at the end was fantastic. I am also really aware of not just chucking a lolly or Matchbox car in the shopping trolley for him, which I tended to do because it was only a couple of dollars. A few friends with older kids have said that their kids went through a similar stage, but I am anxious to nip it in the bud.
My DD is exactly the same (4.5). I've started telling her about privilege versus right. It is her right to have food and drink. To have clean clothes. To have a loving family. But it is not her right to have something bought for her every single time we goto the shops. Or to have an ice cream after dinner every night. These things are special and if they happened all the time, it wouldn't be special, would it?
It seems to be working for us.
BlackCat, it might be time to throw some of the toys out. Actually, throw them out. If you are prepared for that step
It's true (but astonishing to some I'm sure) that our sweet, wonderful little people can be exactly the opposite.
Just keep doing what you're doing by reinforcing values although it may feel like your bashing your head against a brick wall at times. Every now and then I dig out the books on sharing and being gentle for the bedtime story when DS2 has starts to exhibit undesirable behaviour and we talk about them and relate them to our day. Some sinks in.... eventually...doesn't it?...
There's nothing wrong with rewarding good behaviour either - I choose not to think of it as bribery but as rewarding good behaviour (eg, if you are a good boy while we go shopping you can have a ride on the rocket ship) ! I'm also ok with dragging a kicking and screaming 3yo out of the shopping centre.
Privilege
)
Reply With Quote
but not lots). We have started to really explain where money comes from, how hard Daddy works, how lucky he is, etc. He does seem to be a bit more understanding especially of the concept that money doesn't just come out of the hole in the wall. He also really wanted a particular toy and our local toy shop is great. They let him layby it and he paid it off from earning money from doing jobs around the house, and going to work with Dad. It took him a fair while to pay it off but the sense of achievement at the end was fantastic. I am also really aware of not just chucking a lolly or Matchbox car in the shopping trolley for him, which I tended to do because it was only a couple of dollars. A few friends with older kids have said that their kids went through a similar stage, but I am anxious to nip it in the bud.
Bookmarks