A couple of threads and fb statuses have got me thinking lately: how do we know what is or isn't offensive?

Does it come down to if a person is offended,then yes it is offensive? Or is it more the offended person needs to own it and find out why they're offended and grow from it? Does it depend on the situation?

A couple of examples:

1. A few years ago, the skit on the new Hey Hey It's Saturday involving Australians painting their faces black and pretending to be Michael Jackson. The first time they did it no one cared, this time Harry Connick Jr was highly offended - who owns that? If I remember rightly it seemed to come down to yes, it was offensive, no they shouldn't have done it, and ignorance of the reasons why it's offensive is not an excuse.

2. DD is a huge Daddy's girl. This morning she spent an hour screaming like something from the exorcist, crying for Daddy, hitting me and generally hating me. I have no freaking idea how I got her dressed and in the car. I was offended that she seems to hate me so much, she doesn't want a bar of me. Daddy in the morning, he has to do the bath/shower, put her to bed. No need for me to be here. But I need to own that, I know she isn't meaning to offend me, she just loves her Daddy and no longer needs me for milk etc so can assert her independence.

So for me,I think it comes down to the situation, but I'm wondering what other peoples thoughts are?