mixed feelings... moving back

[~clover~]

I'm going home. I'm packing up again & going back East. To friends who love me & where I feel at home.

I still love it here & I'm struggling with the decision to leave, but I need to get away from the negativity of the people close to my friends & family. My kids are hurt & I'm struggling with depression again

I don't want to do this to my kids, but I can't keep feeling like this. And as long as these people are around, its not going to end. I'm not waiting around another year or 2, to see if they leave. The ups & downs will never end & the town is way too small to avoid it.

Of the kids the only one I worry about is DS. He's excited to go back to his close mates, but will desperately miss his little mate here The place his bestie lives back home isn't the cheapest or easiest of places to rent. I'll rent a holiday house at least during school terms I think, just to have him where I feel he needs to be for his own securities.

I'm sure this needs to be done, but I don't want to do it. I don't want to move my kids again yet But I want them to be happy & included. Not left out like they're nothing...

[Kazzo]

Your kids will understand if not now but oneday that you only ever did anything that you thought was best for them. That includes moving. Your right you all need to be around people that love you.

[~clover~]

I'm lucky. The kids do understand, & they're excited to be going back to the people they love also. As you can imagine though, leaving here will still be hard on them. But the girls have actually quietly wanted to be back home all along. They just love their friends here & will miss them.

And DS absolutely refused & I don't blame him. This town is just right for him. But he has changed his mind since thinking about it more & knowing that even though he's leaving a great mate behind here, he has awesome mates back home too & he can't wait to see them & go to school with them

Its something we've been thinking all along, that we'll eventually go back. I was going to give it another 12 months, but its not fair to do this for another 12 months. They can also spend time with their other grand parents again They're all excited about that as well

[Kazzo]

Well that is great. Then I really think it is best for you. If your getting depressed again you can't wait any longer. Your DS could start up a penpal relationship with his mate he is leaving behind. It can start off small with just some pictures and a few sentences.

[~clover~]

Thank you. Big job ahead

[Amity]

You know what is best for your family. Xoxo

[~clover~]

Now I'm not so 100%...
Im having so many people begging me to stay. Not just friends, but other community members. High up, respected members of the community.
The school principal, the councilor I live next door to & his wife.
1, losing my 4 kids will make a huge difference in the school. They just lost 4 members, plus 3 future members in the last few weeks. My 3 school age kids make 7. They'll be down to about 50. They may lose a teacher because of this.
They already have our kindy teacher on leave with out pay next year due to abbotts budget cuts

Also, I live in the only family sized government house in town. There have been a lot of people come & go from this house & everyone of them has caused trouble. That's also a community thing. They don't want to bring that all back again.

And my kids have thrived since we got here. The changes in DS mainly are amazing! But they're all doing so well ...

I'm excited about going home, but maybe, when I look at my kids, its worth being here. Well I know it is, its just my mental health. I'm not a fan of not wanting to live and its not fixable. Its my life.

Why does home have to be 3500 kms away?

[Calluna]

wish I had some answers for you.