Has anyone found their toddler jealous when the new baby starts BF? My daughter has one BF a day and is adamant that the new baby will have a "bottle" because the mummy milk is hers. I'm due in 3 months. Should I try and wean well before then? I'm not sure if it will be worse if I am still feeding her or not when the new baby arrives.
I have a toddler and 4mo, but my 2.5yo weaned at 20mo when I was 2 months pg. But he has started wanting to bf, pulling at my top. But he has totally forgotten how to and expects it to flow out like a tap. But got no advice to offer sorry. Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone.
DD1 has continued BFing throughout, and isn't phased by DD2 BFing. She often tells me she has left some for her baby sister at the end of a feed. I think she would have struggled far more if the BFing connection with me wasn't available to her. I always framed it in terms of the fact she would love it when DD2 came because there would be lots of milk again for her and the baby. She did love it, she thought it was AWESOME, and while she does feed a little more often then she did when I was pregnant, I am OK with that.
I had a similar situation to Williams Mummy, DD stopped feeding at 21 months and I think it was because I was pregnant. I spent a long, long time talking to DD about the new baby and what it would mean for all of us. I told her he'd be tiny and need lots of help from all of us, he'd get hungry and when he was grumpy he'd want milk. I told her he'd need milk from Mummy, just like she used to. There was lots of explaining about how he'd need lots of time, and things she could do to help and be a great big sister.
Now that he's here, she is so in love with him. She's incredible. She helps with nappy changes, and if he gets grumpy she tells me he needs boobies to get happy again lol. She gets me a cushion so he's comfy, and pats his head to help him go to sleep
She did have a stage at about four weeks though, where she'd get jealous when I needed to feed him, when I sat down she'd scramble into my lap and cry when their wasn't room for her. Other times she'd suddenly need the toilet and I'd have to go help her - she knew this would get me to herself for a bit. So I just had to go back to explaining how he was only tiny and couldn't do things for himself and needed us to help him, and he needed Mummy. If she wanted to be close while I was feeding him she'd sit beside me and we read books together. Thankfully now everything is wonderful.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't wean fully if your toddler isn't ready, just because there's a baby coming. I wouldn't want her to think that she had to stop something she loves because of the baby, but would try explaining that this thing she loves can be shared with the baby to help him/her feel good too.
I wouldn't try to force weaning, that could make the resentment and jealousy worse. Feeding is a comfort and connection with you that is important now more than ever during this big transition.
Some of the ways in which we discussed the new baby and feeding was to explain all the ways the milk would help her baby sister (and we always spoke of it as her baby sister to help her bond with the concept more personally, make it someone she was invested in also) grow and how much fun they could have once she got bigger. So there was a huge benefit to her sharing the milk (we also explained the same for sleep so she would know how important to respect babies rest was). I would acknowkedge what she is saying and reassure "it has been your milk and still will be your milk, it will also be your new siblings milk but the more is drunk the more is made and there will always be enough for you both".
We tandem fed for 6 months with no jealousy, I think tandem feeding actually helped a lot. I didn't refuse DD1 any feeds (and it was great for establishing supply and engorgement) so early on after DD2 arrived, she fed very often but it went back to once a day in time (bedtime which was a nice bonding one on one) till she decided to stop. DD1 was 2yr 9mo when DD2 arrived.
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Toddler jealous of new baby
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