More luck 2nd time around? Advice please - scared and confused!

[Vixibell]

Hi everyone,

I've just come back on this forum for the first time in a few months, although
I've just noticed old posts from me still hanging around on this thread. Not easy to see - I'll admit.

I miscarried my first pregnancy at around 5/6 weeks. Found out at the dating scan. I know it was early still, but after years and years of fertility problems I was crushed, as anyone would be.

This morning I took a pregnancy test - and got a positive result. I'm still not 100% believing it yet - need to take more tests to make sure it's not false, but I guess it looks positive.

The thing is, I'm having really mixed feelings about it. All I want is to be a Mum, but after the trauma of losing my first baby I'm just terrified it's going to happen again. I'm not sure I can handle it. I know it's traumatic for everyone, but I was severely let down by my doctor who was rude and showed a serious lack of professionalism so I was completely unaware of what my body was going to go through ("silly woman, they think too much - let me do that. I'm the doctor") Then I had complications... Anyway, this is a happy place - not dwelling on that

I don't know. I'm just scared and feeling alone with none to talk to. My hubby is FIFO so he's not here to chat through things with. Even when I've spoken to him today he's been super cautious and 'flat'. I KNOW he's just trying to protect me and not get too excited yet, but I need someone to talk to about this! Last time it was before Christmas we found out so we had to tell family - there was no way I was getting away without drinking and not having anyone guess! This time, I'm determined not to tell. I want to know everything is looking good before I do that.

I'm just confused. I need someone I can go mad with. I need someone who can be happy for me and understand what - as a woman in my position - I'm going through.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome - I don't want to feel this lonely when I'm supposed to be feeling elated! xx

[DreamBabies]

Hi Vixibell. Reading your post brought a tear to my eye because I could have posted the same thing 3 years ago. I'm still feeling emotional just typing this.

We had several miscarriages. Our first on our honeymoon at 5 wks. The second I lasted until 6 wks. My husband and I were out to dinner for Valentine's Day. He made me (we do this every year) a beautiful card and had drawn a picture of me with a pregnant belly with a love heart where the baby bump was. I burst into tears at the restaurant. I'd waited my whole life for this moment. I'd never felt happier. Later that evening I went to the bathroom - still at the restaurant - and I was bleeding. That sinking feeling was the realisation that we'd lost another little one.

After that dh didn't get too excited if got a positive. He was trying to protect me but I was feeling like I was being robbed of an opportunity to be completely happy like a woman should feel when she finds out she's pregnant for the first time. It took a lot of conversations before dh got how I was feeling.

I also miscarried two other times. Each time was heart wrenching.

Be excited. Don't rob yourself of that beautiful overwhelming joy of seeing the test.

Go to the doctor and ask for a blood test every second day to test your hcg levels. If they double every 2-3 days everything is good.

PS Congratulations!

PSS Our first baby - a gorgeous girl - is now 2 and snuggled in next to me as I type this and our second baby - a lovely little boy 11months - is on my other side in his cot. Life is beautiful.