Sex After VB- Help!

[JellyBean]

Hi There.

This does not relate specifically to vaginal delivery after c-section but there were no forums dedicated to this topic so please bear with me.
I gave birth to my first bub (vaginally) 3 months ago. The episiotomy performed cut into a blood vessel (rare apparently), and subsequently I encountered a lot of trauma to the area. At 6 weeks my husband and I attempted sex as the pain had completely gone and everything appeared to be back to normal. It turned out we couldn't go through with it as it was far too painful. We tried again at 10 weeks, only to find I was still very sore. Its been 3 months now, and I am becoming increasingly frustrated at the thought of not being able to engage in pain-free sex. My question is, is this normal? I would like to know if and when others stopped experiencing pain during sex after birth, or should I be attributing my pain to the extra trauma I encountered to the area?

Thanks for your time.

[MantaRay]

JB, many women find they are very dry after birth and this can cause sex to be painful. This is especially true when bfing. This is easily fixed with oestrogen cream that your GP can prescribe. I do not know if this specifically is your problem but definitely see your ob or GP and they will be able to tell you. GL!

[Olive]

JB i had a very diffecult recovery from my epsiotomy, no joke it has taken around 12 months for me to have sex comfortably, no im not trying to scare you but more wanting you to know that yes somehave it tough! i second mel on the osetrogen cream and a good lube! i love Sylk, need hardly any now, but i think the key is to keep trying and RELAX!! if not seek another opinion to make sure teh area is ok.
let me know if you have any questions

[Junglemum]

I have only just been able to have painfree sex, 7 months after a VB. I too was wondering if it would be painful for ever but am pleased to say i can finally enjoy it again.

Just thought i should add, i had a small tear and a couple of stitches.

[Karina]

It also took me a really long time to be able to have sex without heaps of pain.. probably around 11 months. It was sooo painful for ages! Its still not 100% but I find i am not in absolute agony if we use stacks of lube and if I have my bum elevated on a pillow.

[paradise lost]

It can be painful after an episiotomy because of the scarring and because sometimes you heal a bit tight - there is a difference between the muscles being snug (makes him feel bigger) and the skin being tight (makes it hurt!).

See your gyn first and foremost - it is likely that the scar just needs to mellow a bit and over time as you fully heal everyhting will be fine, but there MIGHT be some reason for the pain and it's way better to find out sooner than later if that's the case.

Have non-penetrative sex - get back to having fun in bed together and distance yourselves from the stress of attempted and failed penetration. Make like teenagers - tell yourselves you can do anything BUT, and it will probably be be fun and exciting and you'll relearn what feels good with and for each other.

Use LOTS of lubricant to begin with when you attempt penetration - BFing, post-partum hormones, tiredness and worry (apprehending the pain) can ALL inhibit arousal, so you need to break the cycle - have sex painlessly once or twice and your brain will probably switch all the normal mechanisms back on

Try different positions to take the pressure off the scar. Try going on top and shuffling your hips around to find a good groove you can get into without hurting your scar.

Remember that time heals most things. Best of luck!

Bx

[Olive]

another thing is to try different positions!! i found me on top the most comfortable and i have more control

[Beach Mama]

Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and it isn't just VB but C/S mums who have problems. I had a c/s and had issues for around 4-5 months. We had to take it VERY slowly for months, and I really thought that I would never enjoy sex ever again and that frightened me! Having said that - it did pass, and the other thing is, if you are still breastfeeding, the hormones can make you feel a bit dry and thin the walls inside so use lots and lots of lube to help. The other girls have also gven ltos of great advice! HtH.

[JellyBean]

Thanks so much for the consoling words ladies. It is nice to know that what I am feeling is normal- because nobody seems to talk about this and I had no idea the healing would take so long. I am breastfeeding and I'm sure that vaginal dryness has been part of the problem. Does anyone know of any alternative/natural lubricant which I can purchase? I've heard that some of the pharmaceutical ones contain chemicals that may be linked to cervical cancer...?
Some people probably think I'm mad to want sex with a new baby in the house but I had been so looking forward to it after a practically sex-free 3rd trimester- especially now that the belly bump is out of the way. Guess we will have to have fun other ways for now!

Thanks for your time.

[Olive]

i use Sylk which i find fantastic!

[danniellabella]

I had my DD 10 weeks ago and have not DTD yet based on doctors advice. We should be able to in 2 more weeks. I had an epesiodimy as well and ven toose delivery. I'm quite nervous about DTD so we'll see how it goes. My doc said to use lots of vasaline.

[Olive]

mmm i wouldnt use vaseline!! seriously try the sylk, its thinner that otehr lub but you dont need much

[JellyBean]

Thanks AJP- I will try Sylk. Oh- and Danni- please don't use vaseline- it is called petroleum jelly for a reason- it contains petrol by-products in it- not suitable for such a sensitive area!! Why your doc didn't recommend normal lubricant I don't know!!

[Janie]

Yep, I agree with AJP, Sylk is awesome (and a natural one). It took me about 10 months after an epi, with a difficult recovery, but things are heaps better now.

My Ob said that the more you do it the better it gets as the scar needs to be stretched.