My terrible little toddler

[Dasharity]

Ds2 is the most beautiful little boy, he gives you cuddles and kisses and is very very cute. he will giggle along with you and tries to playas much as he can at 13 mths.

And then the coin flips

And he turns in to a monster, he screams and clenches his fists and throw things and him self on the floor, he will have a hissy fit if you take something off him or say no or tell him to get out of the bathroom and stop fishing in the toilet, he will take what ever is in his hand and hit his 4yr brother over the head for no reason. I feel that all I hear most of the day is him throwing a tantrum. What can I do?

He has his own things that he can play with but nothing is as good as all the things hes not alowed.

we have resently moved and I have no family around to take the pressure off and my DH travels away and is only home on weekends. I want to TTC soon but im not sure how i will go if he gets worse when he hits 2.

Please any advice would be appreciated.

[fionas]

My DD's a bit like that too. Yesterday, she repeatedly turned the TV off despite me telling her no and moving her at least five times within three minutes. I even put her in her bedroom twice but out she came and just made a beeline for the TV.

So I guess I tell myself that she's just a determined and inquisitive little girl, which she is and just use distraction most of the time. So basically, if I take something off her she will scream the house down so instead I give her something else to take its place. Don't get me wrong, she still screams but not for as long as if I didn't replace it with something else.

She's also fascinated with the bathroom and more specifically, the toilet! What I've done is put a latch on the outside of the bathroom to stop her getting in there.

I kind of choose my battles - there's all sorts of things that I'd rather she didn't play with such as the remotes, our phones etc. but most of the time I turn a blind eye because if I've left them within her reach then she's really not old enough to distinguish between stuff she should and shouldn't play with.

It's hard I know.

[Charlyfrog]

Do you have a play pen? Do you think that a time out consequence might be worth a try? with a play pen you can make it safe and secure so if he continues the tantrums & screaming etc, at least you know he is safe iykwim? I wouldn't just pop him in there and leave him until he calms, he might need mummy cuddles along the way but maybe a training opportunity to teach him what mummy likes and doesn't I don't like time outs in the cot as I think the cot/bedroom should be a relaxed inviting place if that makes sense.

There is the reverse of popping him in the pen and that is putting the pen around whatever you want him to stay away from.....we've done this with DD#2 and her obsession with the TV she still stands as close as she possibly can but at lease the dvd player isn't being turned on and off on and off on and off........

The beauty of the popping him in the pen is that you can walk away knowing he is safe and just get a minute or two to clear your head if you find yourself going bananas on the inside.....then you can go back and give him a big cuddle.

Thinking of you love

[Nelle]

It's a hard age isn't it. My toddler seems a bit out of control sometime too, and people call him 'easy'!

If he's hitting his brother, a playpen sounds like a good idea? Then he can tantrum without hurting his brother.

My 'tools' to get a calm child are, singing a song that he likes, giving him his drink (or some food), or distracting him with a game. And if I feel ready to throttle him, he gets shut in his room where he can scream for 5 minutes while I grab a drink and take a breath. :P Then I go in and use one of my 'tools' to make friends again.

[meegm]

Mine too hes 14 months and continuelt turns the tv on and off and always goes opens the combustion heather (during the day when its not on) and takes the ash out, and recently found the back of the TV we have a large Tv and i couldnt find him but could hear noises he was behnd the TV unplugging the arieal cord - i use barracades to keep him out of what i want to keep him away from. magic tape the draws shut and the TV set up flap shut works well

They are very trying but i guess its all new and fun for them.

He also has tantys and thrws himself on the floor i usually try and lower him and let him go for it and walk away and ignore it - he is soon looking for me and hes forgotten what it was all about

[sconeonamission]

My ds has started throwing tantrums too... It's normally after I take something from him. Thankfully, they only happen at home, so I leave him to it.

To distract him, I give him some food (pff like he's an animal! lol but sometimes he is!) or take him outside to play, or if I'm already in the kitchen, he can take things out of the pantry. This last one's a favourite!

Can your 4yo shut the toilet door? ( I don't know what 4yo's can do!) Maybe that will keep him out of the toilet? I know someone has suggested a playpen. The reason I don't have one is that I know my son will just push it to where he wants to be... so what was the point?

Take it easy on yourself, he's not doing it to annoy you! and don't worry! We're all going thru it too!

Good luck!!

[krysalyss]

Its a developmental stage. He is learning boundaries and rules and him throwing tantrums isn't anything to do with you. It is to release the frustration of all of the feelings that he is having. You need to show him that you understand his frustrations and give him support and comfort. That doesn't mean giving in to his demands because if you have said no that is should be for a good reason (safety etc etc). But it means that rejecting a behaviour of his doesn't mean that you reject him. Give him a cuddle if he lets you or just a pat. Don't leave him unless you are at your wits end because he needs to learn from you that he can calm down when he is so upset. I hope this helps. Temper tantrums are part of normal development and not a sign of your parenting.

I was reading a great article by an aussie psychologist today (Robin Grille) about this and can scan and email it to you if you like (pm me your email if you do). I love this guy as he has great advice and I really agree with his philosophies.
I hope this helps.

[Dasharity]

Thanks every one, it helps just to know that mines not the only one.

I like the playpen idea but i dont have one would the port-a-cot do?

I do try destractions, but if it isnt what he wants then he just throws it as well.

Ds1 can shut the door he just forgets sometimes, playing is so much more improtant.lol

[Charlyfrog]

A porta cot would work just as well......and not as movable, lol. Safe too - I'd still try and stay where you can keep an eye if you have to but still it gives you a chance to take a breath

Its a developmental stage. He is learning boundaries and rules and him throwing tantrums isn't anything to do with you. It is to release the frustration of all of the feelings that he is having. You need to show him that you understand his frustrations and give him support and comfort. That doesn't mean giving in to his demands because if you have said no that is should be for a good reason (safety etc etc). But it means that rejecting a behaviour of his doesn't mean that you reject him. Give him a cuddle if he lets you or just a pat. Don't leave him unless you are at your wits end because he needs to learn from you that he can calm down when he is so upset. I hope this helps. Temper tantrums are part of normal development and not a sign of your parenting.

Thats such a great encouragement! I love you Krysalyss!! lol!

[kellym]

Oh wow - thanks so much for starting this thread Dasharity - its perfect timing for me too!!! My DS sounds identical to your little one. He's 15 months old and is 'usually' such a calm, placid, happy and content little boy, however over the last three months, I've discovered a violent, agressive and stubborn side to him - its incredible. He has so many toys but of course, they're just not good enough. He wants EVERYTHING he can't have. I try so hard to keep all the things out of his reach (TV remotes, phones etc) but if he does manage to get one, all hell breaks loose when I try and get it off him. He spends most of the day opening and closing the dvd player and throwing DVD's around the house and he's constantly hitting the poor dog over the head with toys and things (and when I'm really lucky, I cop a good whack too)!!!

I know its just a developmental stage he's going through but its been driving me mad!!! Its just so hard because he doesn't quite understand yet. He's really good when we go out though, so I can't complain too much. Only problem there is that no-one believes me when I complain about his tantrums and violent streak!!!!

I guess we'll laugh about it all one day - but I feel your pain!! So thanks for all the suggestions, we'll be trying one or two (if not all) of them!!

Kelly xx

[krysalyss]

I love you Krysalyss!! lol!

Aww thanks charlyfrog!