is there something wrong with me? i don't want another child. my DD is absolutely beautiful, just gorgeous and i love her soooooo much, every day is so special with her. i am a SAHM and DP is home alot as he works shift work. he is so helpful, i couldn't ask for more support! everyone talks of more babies and all my friends ask "so when are you going again?"
sleep has been a big issue for us as a family, she's never been a good sleeper but recently has gone into a toddler bed and sleeping much better (never went in a cot, co-slept until a few weeks ago).
am i selfish? or is there other people out there that actually feel the same way as me? when i hear about others having heaps of kids, i wonder if something is wrong with me!
Nothing at all B. You are making a mature responsible decision, why have another baby when you dont want one just because people might think its odd not to want more?
You may change your mind down the track but even if you dont, who cares? Its no ones business but your own.
Anna, hmmm....I worry about Madeleine not having a brother or sister at times if we decide this is it. However, for us, that wouldn't be the only reason for having another one. I'm sure others would disagree but it's not a reason to have another for us.
By the way, you are a supermum, I've always thought that!
Not at all! I actually never wanted any (hides) but then had one and was happy with one until I wanted 2! DP really only ever wanted one. I am an only child and there are lots of benefits to being an only child.
I know lots of people who only want the one and I don't think there is a problem with that at all - although you will get lots of people asking annoying and personal questions about your decision
Nai, yes my brothers and sister are all so much older than me and were moved out when I was very little. I grew up ok and my DP's niece had been an only child (up until 4 years ago) but she is now 18 and she is a wonderful girl, sensible, schooled well, going to university next year etc. I look at her sometimes and think, "well Madeleine could grow up like that!!"
I am just shocked at the number of people who think I'm silly for not wanting another one that's all. And sometimes I question myself even though I'm a good Mumma.
I think it just comes down to your family dynamics - if you guys are happy with just the three of you (and no way in the world shouldn't you be!) then who else's opinion really matters??
We have friends that only have one child - and he's nearly 5 now - and they swear black and blue they are not having anymore. While we don't understand their decision as we want 3 kids - and we feel sorry for their DS because he is alone for a lot of the time, with just adults - we certainly respect it.
Not everyone has to have the standard 3 kids - if everyone had more than 1 child - where would they get the average of 2.3 kids from in their statistics?
Don't worry - you might change your mind later down the track - and if you don't - then thats OK too.
It is totally OK. you know what is best for your family.
I am an only child and I never 'suffered' for it - I know my parents had lots of ppl asking q's all the time but they did what was right for our family.
I grew up v close with lots of family friends and my cousins so i was never 'lonely'.
you do what is best for you honey.
We are the same. I dont want another child for many reasons but one is just that we are so happy as we are. We never wanted more than one.
I think that when people say it is selfish to only have one child they are making a big assumption that children with siblings are better off than only children. I don't agree with that assumption and I think it has to be a case by case situation. All children need to get one on one time with their parents, all children need to be given a wide range of experiences, and all children need to have lots of time to socialise with other children of all ages (not just siblings). I think you can provide well for one or more children with commitment to their needs.
M is only 10mths you have plenty of time to make a decision! As for being an only child, I always wanted two but added in was my fear of an only being left on his/her own should anything happen to both Dh and I. Mainly because neither family is close and my siblings are so much younger/SIL doesnt want any kids at all. So no cousins close in age. But I know your family is close so M would be just fine should (god forbid) anything happen to you and G.
I dunno about me being a supermum, superinsane is more like it lol
I am undecided. DH only wants one baby, preferably a little girl, and I would be happy to be a complete family of three.
But I do worry about when we pass away - who will our child have? She may have her own family by then but she won't have a sibling to lean on during that tough time. She will have to carry all of that herself.
I have such an amazing relationship with my older brother. We are the best of friends. DH has the same relationship with his brother. And I want that for my child.
Its a tough decision - but either way - you're doing what's best for your family!!
There is nothing wrong or silly for only wanting one child! After I had DS1 I was adamant that I wouldn't have any more. I was happy with life, I had my business and everything was running really well. As you can see from my ticker I eventually changed my mind LOL!
For me personally it was just watching him play outside by himself one day, I kind of felt sad that he may never have a sibling to play with. That was a turning point for me. I'm not saying everyone needs a sibling, but it's how I felt and of course I have no regrets! We're now talking about #3, who would have thought?!
It is totally your decision and do not let anyone make you feel like you should have anymore. I had my dd 12 years ago and was happy with one but then situations changed and here i am with a 5 month old and considering having more. I just think times can change and also your choice may also but if it doesn't then you and your dh are the ones to make that choice. For now be happy with your choice and decision and dont worry about what everyone else thinks...
I don't think there is anything wrong or selfish about having one child. Only you and your DH know what is best for your family.
I've only recently pictured myself with more than one child and DD is almost 18 months old. So you may change your mind or you may not too. Whatever you decide it will be right for you!
i dont think there is anything wrong with being happy! and if you are happy with the family that makes three then go for it!
the pressure though can be intimidating at times. i have found this to be the case especially at mums group. DH and i are undecided on whether to go down the baby road again, but are keeping open minds, however the barrage of insults that come from some girls in my group about 'Only children' is horrendous. i have to bite my tongue ALL THE TIME. they do not know that i am an 'Only Child', and so when i have to sit there listening to the litany of horrors that are only children (ie, selfish, spoilt, snobby, socially void) i begin to wonder if they see that in me?! i guess not, as they like to hang out with me and we all seem to get on fine. It's all talk. people can be selfish, spoilt for all sorts of reasons, but i think being an Only Child is not one of them.
i guess it is really important to be true to yourself and your family. it might be tough facing the comments, but they are overcome and in the end the truth is in the pudding!
Cassius, I hear you. I was pretty much an only child, of course I got more than the other 3 (two brothers and sister who are 10, 12 and 14 years older than me) but Mum couldn't afford 3 ice creams at the time but could with me IYKWIM. Doesn't mean they bought me a car, or a house. And if I ever borrowed money, even just $50, they would ask me to pay them back when I got paid. I agree though, so many people make judgements and Mums Group is one of those places at times! I bet you do bite your tongue! Well I would rather have one little girl than 4 kids just for the sake of giving her brothers and sisters...and me not really wanting them for any other reason but that alone. I don't want to be stressed if it's not really what I want.
I always new i wanted lots of kids... I guess its the same for you... You know you only want one... I dont see there is any difference... You make the choices in your life... You do what is right for your family... If you and DH feel 1 is enough then thats your choice... (i bet my DP wishes i was like that... hehehe)
only want one...is there something wrong with me?
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