Well, I'm a mum to a little girl who's turning 1 this Sat. Given my personal (who was in child care full time since a few months old) and professional (child psychology) background, I decided that it would be best for me to spend as much time with her as possible during her early years. I love her and adore her so much, and enjoyed every minute (though there were inevitable down times as well, but it's a part of life) with her during the past year.
Yet, I must admit that during last couple of months, I have been intching for something beyond my role as a mother. I studied for 7 years to become a psychologist, and gave birth to my daughter just when I finished my thesis. I have not worked as a psychologist yet, and would love to if opportunity arises. But then, I am also aware that this may not be the best interest of my daughter - she would rather have me with her all day, everyday. I also hear some negative things about putting young children into child care (e.g., Steve Biddulph, who's also a psychologist). I'm only contemplating to work about 2-3 days a week, but still, can't seem to avoid feeling very guilty...
I always felt that a healthy person has multiple roles in her/his life - eg, mother, daughter, therapist, dreamer, student, etc and that's is OK. But somehow, many parenting books - especially those emphasise mother-child attachment - seem to suggest that motherhood has greater bearing than other roles. And I am an attachment parenting mother, and I do believe that having a loving, warm, and connecting attachment with my daughter is one of the best gifts I could give to her as a mother. Hence, my guilt!
I would love to hear some different experiences/thoughts on this. Can you share your story? Thanks!
i would listen to your heart. It sounds like you'd rather be home with your little girl and provide her that kind of environment. She's only that little once, there's plenty of years ahead to get back into work.
Is it possible to keep up your psychology with additional studies, do you have to do ongoing update things (ok.. I know there's a term for this but I can't think of it LOL). Could that keep you going for a couple of years to see her to about 3 yrs old when she'd be at an age that she'd enjoy a preschool or something?
Either that, or perhaps jump in and give it a go. You might find she'll thrive having a variety of enviornments, and if you feel it's not working for you, then you can pull out and see out the next few years before trying again.
I know exactly what you mean. I was thrilled when I quit work before DD#1 was born for the world of a SAHM. I thought I would love my days at home with babies and was so grateful that we were in the financial position where I didn't have to go back to work. DH and I both share your views that our daughters are better having me around full time rather than being in daycare.
Now that I've had my full time mummy role for 18 months I would kill to get back in my previous professional role where I could speak with adults, feel that I was valued for my intellect as opposed to my ability to sing all the Night Garden songs and just be me for a while, instead of a mother and wife. I adore my girls and love spending time with them, but a balance would be lovely.
I recently talked about maybe going back to work a couple of days a week with both my DH and my psych (seeing her for a while due to PND) and have come to the conclusion that we initially made the decision that I would be a SAHM for very good reasons, and that although I crave mental stimulation and a bit of "me" time, I can't "sacrifice" what I believe is my daughters' wellbeing for whatever benefit two days back in the workforce would bring. These years pass so very quickly, and I'm sure that a few years down the track when my girls are at primary school and I can return to work part time I will be really glad that I stuck by my decision to stay at home with them now.
I'm UTD with #1 and maybe i'll change my mind once he/she is born, but i don't think working part time is bad for your children. If you can source child care that you feel comfortable with, there are probably some benefits as well (socialisation etc).
There is a big difference between putting a 6week old baby in long daycare (although for some people they have no choice about this) and a 1 year old being there a few days per week. Why are women made to feel guilty for wanting to have multiple possibilities? Only you can make this decision for you. Talking to my Mum about it (when Mums were EXPECTED to stay home) she felt like a better mum BECAUSE she worked part time - and I am no worse for the experience. I plan to go back part time after 6 months (I'm a teacher) and hope to use a variety of family day care and MY family to provide care. My nephew is in centre based care (he's 3) and he loves it and his bond with his Mum and Dad is excellent.
Whatever you decide has to be right for you, but I don't think you should have to feel guilty about it!
Thanks everyone. I have been discussing with my DH about this and he's happy for me to decide either way. I'm thinking that if my work is about 2 days a week, we may be able to come up with a way so my DH doesn't have to be in child care. My DH says he can look after her one day a week, and may be work from home on the other day and have his mother drop by during the day to help him. Luckily, his company is quite undertanding. I think I feel much more comfortable if she's with him (and his mum) than in child care. My DH is quite involved in parenting our DD and so she'll be happy with him (though I know I'm probably her first preference). My DH is also keen to step up a bit more in his fathering role. So hopefully I find some role that's around 2 days a week...and we'll definitely see how things will go and if my DD or I don't feel happy, then I will wait for a while to start my career. I know that family matters more than career to me.
ConrtolFreak, yes, I initially thought that I would start working when my DD was 6 months old, but then I changed my mind as I was enjoying being with her a lot around that time. So I think it's always good have open mind and see how you go during early days with your little one. I know many mothers go back work before their babies are 1, though most of them have great family support so either their sisters or mothers are looking after their bubs. Unfortunately, my parents live overseas although my mum will love to look after my DD!
Again, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts! Any further feedback is welcome, too!
A Big Dilemma - shall I start working??
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