THe worst way to settle a baby.

[Sammiejane]

Well, i was given a copy of a book to borrow (that i am not going to name as i have read in other posts that the author has threatened to sue for defamation... PM me if you want to know) after recieving some information to help settle MJ...

So, i had loosely be following the feeding/sleeping times fairly successfully (prior to reading the book) and so after reading the book i decided that i would give the 'self settling' thing ago, i had my doubts the auther says that she doesnt like CC, but it sounded like CC to me (shouting/crying its all the same when they are sobbing ).

well i will NEVER be doing that again, my poor MJ cried and screamed and it broke my heart. I never left the room like they recommended, but kept laying her down over and over until she cried herself to sleep... i decided that once i had started i should finish just this one time (although i caved twice and cuddled her until she was quiet and started again)

I hate myself and i am pretty much on the verge of tears. I cant believe that i did that to my poor little girl.

Yes, she probably is waking up at the end of sleep cycles, but there has to be a better way that will not have her sobbing like that. I dont care how much my back hurts, i will rock her or hold her if that is what she needs.

It was awful.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

aww hun big hugs. I know how u feel.. i cant do the CC thing either. Ive tried. Caved after 30 seconds and just hugged and cuddled her tlill she went to sleep. I want her to go to sleep happy.. no sad IYKWIM.

[Kazmar]

Dont be hard on yourself, you had to see if it worked for you and Molly

I went to sleep school and they said to do 3min blocks at the most. Mind you i prefer to cuddle Annabelle and think she'll end up a better kid if she isn't stressed putting herself to sleep.

Dont beat yourself up, we all have to try things to see if they work, Molly was always safe and has a great loving mummy

[Kazbah]

I think its difficult when you're trying to sleep!
DH wanted to CC which I hated, but on the up side, it did teach me more about his different cries, which I wouldn't have been able to show DH as quickly without the CC.

[Spring Angel]

I think most of us have given it a try when we are desperate and I'll put my hand up as I tried once a while back. It was traumatic for both of us.

Please don't let yourself feel too guilty. It is very apparent that you love your little lady and thankfully they are forgiving little people.

I heard from a friend the other day that her cousin has CC her newborn son from birth!!!! He was crying up to 1 1/2 hours before basically crashing from pure exhaustion. I don't want to judge this woman but it makes me think how disconnected from her son she must be to ignore his screams. It makes me very sad for the wee little lad.

Spring

[Smoke Jaguar]

Not to mention that the little boy will grow up distrusting his own intuition because mummy doesn't listen to it so it mustn't be worth much
Well, there's one less space-hog in your parenting toolbox, sammiejane. After 2 and a half years my toolbox is real economical on space - love, responsiveness and compassion

[StrawberryMumma]

Spring- from BIRTH?!!! I'm with you. Sad, very sad. Probably best if I keep my mouth shut now...

SJ..I agree, don't be too hard on yourself sweet. This parenting job is tough, and we are still learning every day xx

[Spring Angel]

I know it seems so cruel. My friend has tried to get her to pick him up but how far do you go before you are overstepping the mark. My friend said she couldn't be there when he was screaming because it just tears her heart our so she leaves.

If I was there there would be no way I could standby and listen. I would be putting in my two cents worth and give her a copy of 'The Science of Parenting'.

Oh and she is doing scheduled feeding too!

[Kazmar]

I know of lady that does that. When you hold her little boy who is about 6months now he never wants to be let go off He is dying for affection
Also this mother never ever has eye contact with her son. Some just shouldn't be parents. Loving your child isn't hard

[Smoke Jaguar]

Yep, clinginess arises because the child needs your attention, for whatever reason, not because that's what causes it!
It's amazing how our culture can teach some women that babies are separate kinds of human beings. When we're upset it would just empty you out, emotionally, if everyone left you alone to sort yourself out, wouldn't it? Why is it so, so different for little people who are genuinely physically and emotionally immature?
I'd be gutted if the impression I got when I was feeling really sad and lonely was that no-one cared about me

[Kazmar]

well I just find it a natural action to 'fix' Annabelle's problems. Even if she used to sry for (what looked to me as no reason) I still would as she may have just wanted love.
I often get angry when I think about how some ppl parent Nothing can be done, as these are usually the ppl that cant be told

[Sammiejane]

Yep, clinginess arises because the child needs your attention, for whatever reason, not because that's what causes it!

I'd be gutted if the impression I got when I was feeling really sad and lonely was that no-one cared about me

Yeah this book basically said that the clinginess will occur as a baby use to be cuddled through the night and now need to make up for it at daytime... no s**t sherlock, i cant believe that i was fooled into this...

tonight at bed time, she will get all the cuddles she needs to help her go to sleep feeling safe and lloved

Oh and that baby that is CC from birth - someone should leave the mother to cry themselves to sleep

Thanks guys for your kind words - still feel crappy thou

[queenbee]

Sammie, don't be too hard on yourself hun. I tried the CC thing once and I would never do it again. I too felt bad but it didn't last long. I have famiy and friends that swear by CC. Not in this household.

I have held my DD heaps of times to rock her to sleep and even let her sleep on me through the day a few months ago when nothing seemed to work.

I just went with the flow and stopped reading things (apart from "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napalthi which is an awesome book may I add).

DD co-slept at night with us from birth too. 6 weeks ago now, my DD went into a new toddler bed and we've never looked back. Went in straight away and all sleeps are in that now, she loves it. And here I was thinking that because I held her and co-slept that it may have caused a bad habit that we would never be able to rectify. I still hear that from many mothers that they don't want to start doing it for fear of not going into their own bed down the track. Sure it happens but we are one success story and our DD just went straight into a toddler bed without any problems or issues.

By the way, she never went in a cot!

Good luck with everything, thinking of you. xx

[~Kim~]

Oh Sammie, she loves you and she will be forgiving. I'm another that tried out of desperation, but now I'm one of those advocation for kids mothers.
My daughter knows exactly where to go when she needs me.
My sister doesn't CC - she just ignores the crying - I have no idea how we're such different parents.

[Mum0809]

I know how you feel too, I cant CC either. Ive tried once for 3 minutes. I don't know who cried more him or me.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Thanks for the PM, Sammiejane - I went to the website...****! Is she for real? She may as well take pliers to mothers' instinct to cut the connection to the brain...same effect as going through with her methods till your baby 'self settles' - more like, self-defeats

[Kazmar]

ooooooooooo send me the website, ill prob cry but do it anyway

[Sammiejane]

Thanks for the PM, Sammiejane - I went to the website...****! Is she for real? She may as well take pliers to mothers' instinct to cut the connection to the brain...same effect as going through with her methods till your baby 'self settles' - more like, self-defeats

I know - how could i be so stupid to think that this would be OK?