More than terrible two's??

[lestyrox]

Not sure if this is in the right spot but hoping for some advice...

As some of you might know from my earlier posts i'm having trouble with my DS temper/behaviour. I've been able to put up with it mostly but now that DS2 has arrived i just have no tolerance for Ds1's temper tantrums.

A bit of background... sorry its long.
DS1 has always been a 'handful' to put it nicely. Right from birth he's been short tempered and very very loud (just like his dad) but when he hit the 1 year mark the tantrums really started. He would just go balistic if i told him no or he couldn't get what he wanted..sometimes i had no idea why he was screaming, it just seemed like he's scream over nothing! Somedays i couldn't even leave the house because he was in such a ferral mood that i knew he'd just end up screaming and throwing a tantrum. There was no reasoning with him, he'd just scream and the only way i could deal with it was to take him away from whatever was upsetting him and a lot of the time this meant i had to leave the shopping, leave a friends house/playgroup/church or anywhere that seemed to set him off (which seemed like everything!) Now i know toddlers have tantrums by my boy can stop traffic! I mean people would just stop and look at him when he'd throw a tanty becuase he was sooo loud it was like someone was killing him! I hated that people looked at him that way.. like 'whats wrong with that child?' and a lot of the time that upset me more than his screaming.
Anyway it was so bad that i started seriously considering the possibility that he might be slightly autistic.. it broke my heart to admit it but he just seemed to scream at anything and i also noticed that he was behind socially and late to talk as well. I decided to wait it out before i took him to see someone to see if he'd grow out of it (mainly because i didn't want him to be labelled and i wasn't sure if thats what was wrong) and i'm glad i did wait because now i'm sure he isn't autistic, he's a very sociable happy little boy however he is still late to talk (The last few months he's started talking a lot more but not as much as other kids his age). BUT he is still VERY short tempered and throws tanties at the drop of a hat. He's teething at the moment and is adjusting to being a big brother so i know thats bound to affect his behaviour but i feel like i'm always blaming his temper on teething/a bug/growth spurt etc. My DH reckons that his temper is normal and he gets it from him (I call DH fire cracker becuase he's short tempered as well) but i can't help thinking that there is something else going on. My friends assure me that their kids have major tanties too but i've seen there kids' tanties and they are NOTHING like my DS. It seems like he has good times but most of the time he's so intolerant, easily irritated and very short tempered. Of course being a 2 year old he's going to have tantrums plus he gets frustrated because he's not speaking much but i just think there's more to it.
So i'm wondering what could be making him so cranky? My MIL suggested it could be something in his diet and i think she might be onto something. She suggested i buy the failsafe book which i think i will after Chrissy. He has mild eczema which i think might be from cows milk as i am a bit lactose intolerant and recently i've discovered that DS2 is sensitive to cows milk as well. Can a sensitivity to cows milk affect his temperament?
I'm after any advice from other mums that have been in the same boat.. where should i start to look? He looooooves his milk so i'm reluctant to cut it out but i will if its the problem. He has very little to no meat ( he just wont eat it!) so i got an iron suppliment for him from the chemist yesterday and we've started that today but i don't know if that is the problem.
Any suggestions/advice? I just want to help my little boy. He's such a sweetie when he isn't screaming lol

[Arimeh]

OMG

You have just summed up my DS to a T



Maybe they were separated at birth... lol

[lestyrox]

wow really? so i'm no the only one lol.... how are you coping?

[Arimeh]

Distraction, distraction, distraction

I don't take him shopping - thats cause for a huge embarrassing tantie - so he doesn't come with me.

I avoid the situations that he will have a tantie.

Sometimes I bribe with a fruit roll that he LOVES (from the organic section in woolies/coles) he loves them to death and will behave for one.

I'm calm in my approach to him. If I get fired up - then he gets more fired up. Mind you, I've only begun doing this recently, before that I was flying off the handle all the time and yelling, screaming at him - and it just made him louder. So I try not to sound angry at him and if he's screaming at me or whatever, I just say "oh look whats over here aricyn, lets play cars, mehkelti wants to play cars, can you grab her a car please" and keep the tone nice and cheerful - most times - he will stop yelling and come and play happily.

His is mostly (at the moment) for attention. But he has always been a grumpy, noisy, short tempered so and so!!!! I think its just the way he is and I have to work very hard at making him happy - he's not just a happy kid - which is fine - makes me work harder as a mother.

I know it doesn't sound like I'm providing any hope. But I've learnt not to stress out and try to change who he is.. cos thats just who he is as a person and I have to accept that (unfortunately!!)

[lestyrox]

distraction is wonderful. I know what you mean, ds is the same..if i yell he yells louder but if i distract him it seems to work (sometimes..unless he reeeeeeaaally wants something)

I usually bribe ds with a ham and cheese roll when we're shopping..that usually shuts him up for a while I haven't been game enough to take both boys out shopping yet.. i don't think i'm ready to face the screaming lol

I know it doesn't sound like I'm providing any hope. But I've learnt not to stress out and try to change who he is.. cos thats just who he is as a person and I have to accept that (unfortunately!!)

I know what you mean..i've accepted that thats who he is and he'll never be a placid little thing like lucy down the road lol but i also can't help wondering if there is more too it. A part of me feels quilty because i wonder if its something i'm feeding him or something i've done...he doesn't play up as much for his daddy but he sure puts it on for me

[Arimeh]

Ahhh yup I'm hearing ya..

I keep telling DH that I think something is wrong with him - like he has aspergers or something - surely this can't be normal???

But we don't know if there is anything wrong with him really... so we just assume that its who he is. If you are worried, try to get your GP to see him and see what they think.

But yeah, I worry that it was because I didn't BF or because we used controlled crying when he was younger, or maybe we didn't pick him up enough, or maybe we didn't comfort him enough etc etc etc. I think when you feel hopeless - you always blame yourself.

Who knows, maybe we did cause aricyn to be like this. Mehkelti isnt like it - she's such a placid thing - a JOY to be around. When I'm at home, I count the hours until DH gets home because he is better with DH around too. I'm thinking its the attention thing? DH pays a lot of attention to him to keep him out of my way when I'm cooking dinner and stuff.

Otherwise he's under my feet, trying to pull my pants down when trying to climb me like I'm a tree and its VERY distracting and annoying when trying to cook!!!! lol

[Lulu]

My screaming 2 year old is now 4. I all did the things Arimeh did and cut dairy out too and it did make a HUUUUUUGE difference. Slowly but surely.

He still has a hair trigger temper but he is a joy to go shopping with, has started looking after his sister (although he does get the odd jab in if she dares touch his trains), and nearly puts himself to bed if she plays up.

He won't be chucking tanties forever, they end up gaining more skills to express themselves and following our lead by staying calm, even if it is hard at times.

xoxoxo

[lestyrox]

Arimeh- I thought ds might have aspergers as well but i didn't know what was 'normal' toddler behaviour and what was something more serious thats why i decided to wait it out. I still think thats 99% of the time ds is 'normal' (who is lol) but there's that 1% of the time that he'll do something a little differently and i think hmmmmmm is there something going on here. For example he doesn't wave, never has. He intereacts, smiles, plays, makes eye contact, is affectionate, says bye bye etc but doesn't wave.
Its so hard to know if its how ds is or if there's something more happening.
I spoke the child nurse about it and she referred us to a speeth pathologist so we're waiting on that.. maybe they can shine some light on his behaviour.

Lulu2- how did you go about cutting out milk? My ds LOVES milk.. he drinks around 3-4 cups (sippy cups) a day so i'm nervous about cutting it out coz i'm sure it'll be a drama. Who suggested you cut out milk? or was it just mothers instinct?

Aslo how did you both disciplin your toddlers? We don't smack so we use time out but lately Dh has been giving ds a smack on the hand if he really carries on or does something really naughty (like lick me in the boobies..because he knows it hurts and he gets a reaction) i really hate smacking and have always been against it but lately its the only thing that works

[Lulu]

DS always had an aversion anyway, but he loves yoghurt so I just get the lactose free and put rice milk (and honey) on his weetbix.

Time out didn't work with DS, he just got more hysterical. Sometimes we would sit in the room or doorway with him until he calmed down. I don't think we found a magic solution.....bugger it