Buy yourself, or wait for gifts?

[briggsy's girl]

springing from a conversation that started in another thread, i was wanting to get some other opinions on this. DH and i have been buying things for the Gremlin when we see them on special, or when we find something that just "goes". i got in trouble the other day, and told to stop buying stuff because we'd get heaps as gifts.

BUT, i have an issue with this - it's OUR baby, our responsibility. i KNOW there will be people that will buy things for baby - you can't stop it - and some people are very much like me - it makes ME happy to buy for others, so i can't deny others that feeling. However, i don't think i should expect anything from anyone. Money is tight for a lot of people now, and i can't dictate what they buy - i can tell them what we have and what we dont for guidance, but i can't tell them "buy this"

so i'm faced with the dilemma - do you just keep buying what you want and setting up, or do you wait til you've been through your baby shower and then scramble to get it all after that?

what did you/will you do? what is your opinion?

[sneakysparkle]

We got given heaps by my siblings who had already had kids, and we also didnt know the sex of DD#1 so we hardly bought anything before she was born. My baby shower was a last minute thing but Im glad we hadnt bought heaps before then too!
HTH

[~Kaz~]

Good idea for a new thread BG. You already know my views/feelings I don't know the answer - I also feel it is our responsibility and I'm really uncomfortable with expecting people to give us stuff but I know it makes people happy and to feel that they are a part of what is happening.......

I think you just keep buying what you want and what 'goes' - especially if you find it on special! - and then if people want to give you things they will. Close friends/family should have some idea of what you already have and might still need I guess......

[briggsy's girl]

i've made a list for us of what we hope to have by the time bubs is here - and as we buy from it, i take it off the list. i've looked at stuff from a pair of socks and mittens, up to baby bath and possibly more exxy (list is at mum's at the moment!) i've also listed what we have, so that people have an idea - and each time we go shopping, i take something else off the list.

i don't live in the city area, and no where around here sells sheets that will fit a boori cot, so i've bought them (on special) and copped flack for it - but i dont expect people to travel to Melb - and i dont' want them buying something in good faith and realising we can't use them. i've been told we have too much (umm, our cot become a toddler bed, so will potentially be used for up to four years - and FOUR sets of sheets is too much??). i understand people will buy for baby (i'm reluctant to take hand me downs - i'd rather stuff go to charity - we can afford to buy new, a lot of people can't!), but i've been to a few baby showers, and it's mostly things like clothes, wraps, nappies (which we're using mcn, so sposies are off the list), potions and lotions (we're trying to go organic/natural as i have sensitive skin, bubba possibly will have as well - and they're more exxy), toys (bring it on - we're not buying up on toys - it's practical stuff). there is a LOT you won't get at a shower, and i don't want to be almost due, and having to trek all over the place, paying full price for stuff that we need, that i could have gotten now on special

the list isn't a "if you're gonna buy, buy this" situation - more a guide of what we already have or think we'll need - if someone comes up with a different idea - fantastic! and i'm open to anyone who has had a kidlet saying "you won't need that" or "you'll need heaps more of this" - i'm a first time mum, i have no real idea - am working off what others have told me

i guess i personally feel that we've made the decision to have a baby, and have to expect to "furnish" it's needs ourselves. any gifts will be HUGELY appreciated, and would ultimately be used over something we've bought ourselves, but i don't EXPECT anyone else to buy for our baby. i want them to celebrate it the way we are - that's gift enough kwim?

[Maruschke]

BG we are doing something quite similiar to you. We have a list, but we are leaving the stuff that is commonly given at baby showers til last, just so that we don't double up too much if people do choose to buy it for us. e.g. socks and singlets and one piece outfits, lotions and potions, nappies. Everything else we have bought what we need or will before the baby gets here. I tend to see people's gifts as a bonus, and I am not relying on getting anything as a gift. As for the sheets, we have four sets as well, and its only a normal cot!!!

[~Kaz~]

BG you sound very organised and that list system sounds like a really good way to go about the whole baby shower/gift giving situation.

I think I would still feel uncomfortable doing that and that's why I am on the fence about a baby shower. If people buy things for Dot anyway, that's great and it will be hugely appreciated. But I can't get past the feeling that holding a baby shower is basically a socially acceptable way of holding my hand out (even though I know most of my friends/family wouldn't see it this way and I haven't thought this about friends who have previously had baby showers!).

I also have some guilt about asking people to travel just to see me before the baby when maybe they would prefer to wait until there is also a baby to visit as well KWIM? Having a baby shower might make people feel obliged to travel twice!

Oh I dunno.......it's all too hard.

[briggsy's girl]

it really is hard Kaz!!

and as i mentioned in the other thread, to me a baby shower is more about having a chance to relax and enjoy the company of people who care about me and my kidlet than an exchange of gifts. traditionally, i believe a baby shower was supposed to be about sharing "wisdom" with the mother to be, and it evolved into the way it is now over time.... it's about having one last chance to catch up with people before life takes over with a new bub - it's going to be near impossible for me to catch up with people from further afield when baby arrives - so the plan is for me to travel to them before baby arrives and to celebrate early. for local people - well, they're people who know of our struggle with infertility and who want to celebrate our success. it will just be a quiet lunch at mum's place where i'm SURE i'll get lots of outdated advice (most of them have kids in their teens!) - and i'll just smile and pretend to take it all in! they can mock my intentions (BF, modern cloth, gentle parenting etc) as being idealistic, but they aren't me, this isn't their baby...

[visitor1]

I feel exactly the same as you BG. I buy what i want and if some one else buys me the same thing then i have 2!

My child, my responsibility to have what i need without relying on people to buy for me.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

just keep buying for your baby. When people give you gifts, find them as extras but dont rely on them IYKWIM. Looking out for speical are a great idea! Even if u buy 50 bibs and u get 100 as a present and your prob thinking, OH man im over loaded with bibs.. trust me, u will use them all! lol.

so yep, that my opinion.. hope that makes sense.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

I feel exactly the same as you BG. I buy what i want and if some one else buys me the same thing then i have 2!

My child, my responsibility to have what i need without relying on people to buy for me.

dont worry if you end up with doubles. I ended up with 4 bottle brush sets and i'm glad i did.. coz 3 of them the handles broke.

just let everyone know you are buying the "big" stuff and then u dont have to worry if u end up with 2 of something.

[Ozziehoffy]

I say, if you want to buy... then you buy! We bought all the big stuff for Oskar... he got some clothes and teddies and lotion type things at the baby shower, but to be honest, nothing in particular that we "needed". So, that is why I say you buy if you want to, you know what you want. Also, 4 sets of sheets isn't too many in my opinion.... Oskar went through that many in ONE night when he had a tummy bug.....!!!!! I have got some things which I haven't really needed and he was 2nd bub (mind you 14 years between...lol), but I think part of the buying for your bub is because it's exciting, there's all these MAJORLY cool things and hell I reckon you're allowed to learn by making your own mistakes. What may not be so useful (or a waste to some people) might be one of the best things you've ever owned for you. People can only give you their experience with it, you take it from there. Yay to you for having your list and keep going

[NaeNae]

BG - I am the same as you, hell I am still buying baby furnishings and bits and bobs and I am not even pregnant yet I figure If i get what I want while I am working and able to pay for it then by the time I need to stop working i will have most things I "need" to get going.

But again I will be a first time mum - in a round about way (second baby but will be the first to bring home) so have no idea

I love the list idea and most baby showers I have been to have been more about cloths and little things rather than things of necessity like car seats, cots, prams etc

Its a bit of a stretch but maybe if the issue is more with the people telling you NOT to buy then perhaps seek their advice on whether they feel a "Gift registery" or "wish list" type thing would help.

You can set these up at most places and from some online places PLUS you can access it to see whats been "crossed off" the list. You may even be able to stock up on those special creams etc for sensitive skin??

[briggsy's girl]

makes perfect sense hollye!

we've not bought bibs and things (unless they were part of a "suit" we have bought) - we just figure they are your "typical" gifts if someone is going to buy for you, so we haven't gone there - they're also not a "large" expense close to or after baby arrives. but things like cot sheets (18 bucks instead of 30) - why wouldn't i buy? a nappy stacker for $3.40 that is part of the manchester set we're getting - of course i bought it!

we're also financially in a better position now (well, after i go back to work) than we will be when i go on mat leave at 34 weeks - so it makes more sense for us to get stuff now. i have opted for taking my mat leave at half pay over twice as long to pay my mortgage for six months - but it means we won't have much money left to play with each week - i'd like to be essentially ready for baby before we hit that point... it's not like we're going to have someone generously paying our mortgage for that time so that we can afford to buy everything we haven't gotten as gifts at that point!

[Ellie]

Was just thinking...how exciting BG...after all this time we are talking Baby Showers!!!!

We are going ahead and buying what we 'think' we need and if we get doubles so be it! My SIL is organising my shower and she knows the colours we are going with are what we have etc so if anyone asked her I'm sure she'd be able to point them in the right direction...but no list as such. I agree...money is tight for alot of people at the moment and for me just showing everyone my big pregnant belly will bring me more joy than receiving gifts. Confession...the only thing I did ask for...was for my change table from my parents...they wanted to buy a larger item so that was the thing I've asked for

[MrsB26]

I was like you BG and made a list of everything i wanted/needed and marked it off as it was bought. I didnt expect people to get gifts for the baby but knew that they would buy for him anyway. I actually thought that more people would ask me what we wanted as a gift for the baby shower but they didnt. I found that most people bought wraps, clothes (even though they didnt know the sex), towels, lotions & wipes etc, photo frames and lots and lots of toys and teddies!

I bought things for Byron as i saw fit and didnt rely on anyone else to buy anything for him. My sister wanted to get me something so she bought me a breast pump and a close friend bought me accessories for our pram but other than that if someone did ask, i just said that we didnt expect anything but anything they did get would be much appreciated.

I found i couldnt help myself when i saw things in the shop and i really enjoyed buying new things for our little boy. We also received an overwhelming amount of gifts when Byron was born but i can honestly say that even though we have double the amount of toys and sheets, lotions and so many clothes that it wont be wasted. As Hollye said - nothing will be wasted.

Ignore what everyone says and buy up!

[briggsy's girl]

Ellie - my folks wanted to get a big ticket item too - so i asked them to get a car seat (convertible) for their own car. my mum is going to go nuts with wanting to take me and baby out and about, and as she has probs with her legs, has trouble getting in and out of my car (plus i refuse to put her disabled sticker on my car!) - as a result, i don't want to be moving a car seat from car to car. my dad was in shock (i think they were going to get one anyway) and said it was a great idea - then made mum layby a portacot for them and for us! so we're getting something anyway...

mum will have the list of things we've got/need/don't need at her place and will play liason so that no one feels they have to ask me or feel that the suggestions i'm making are an obligation - they can have a chin wag with mum and work from there

the only other thing she has asked me to do is list what Little Golden Books we have - on the suggestion of another BB lady, mum is going to ask people to buy a LGB for Gremlin and write message in that instead of cards (most will get a card and put message in it) - they are cheaper than most cards, and are practical gift!

[Pandora]

U can cross one pair of mittens off the list.
It depends on the stuff.
Dont buy toys unless you rally, really have to have a specific thing. Toys just appear. And breed.
You really cant have enough singlets, socks things like that.
Also remember people may not have the same tate as you so if there i something specific you were after, and its not the sort of thing you can suggest or ask for then 'd buy it.

Sizing too - the majority of clothes we were given were in size 00 or larger, so if we'd not bought anything DS would have had no clothes for 8 weeks, or DH would have had to do a mad rush.

[briggsy's girl]

one pair of mittens - check!! sanks hunny

i figure we can get little clothes post baby-shower, cos most people tend to buy bigger at birth (i always do!) - and if all else fails, the mother person would love being able to go shopping for teeny stuff. am reluctant to buy really small at the moment as i was 8pd5 and DH 10pd1 born - would hate to have a glut of 0000 and then find that we can only use them a week or two.

there is some stuff i've been specific about (like baby bath) - i know it's well out of the price range of most people for a baby shower gift, so it's on the list as something we want to get, and i've written the specifics cos i have baby brain and won't remember what it was later! apart from that, i'm just kinda cruisy - i'm not bothered buying it all myself and if we end up with extras from gifts - fantastic!

toys wise - i've just bought a heap of little people stuff second hand from a five year old! he wanted to sell it all cos he's "too big" - it's all in great nick so we talked to his mum about what it was going to be listed at on ebay, and have put the money in the kidlets account! he's one happy boy