Can we still use these names....?

[ubba82]

Mods- please move if not in the right thread

Before we discovered our missed miscarriage (discovered at 12w, baby stopped growing just after 8w) DH and I had already chosen a boy and girl name.

My question is, Is it ok to still use these names if we have another baby?

[Marlene]

That is totally up to you, hun. no one can decide that for you. If you feel comfortable using the names then you should do it.

[sneakysparkle]

I think so, but if you feel weird about it maybe use them as middle names instead, or vary them slightly?

[briggsy's girl]

If you're not sure about it, then i'd say don't use it. it's a very tough decision to name your baby, and if you're questioning the association between the name and your angel baby at this point, you'll find that vibe is possibly going to always have a link to your angel and will get to you. we had names picked while TTC - and haven't changed that at all because we never associated that name JUST with the babies we have lost. but we HAVE chosen a middle name to honor our babies that we've lost

think it through - if you think you will be able to distance the name from the pain of your loss (as we were able to - we discussed names while TTC, not just while pg kwim?) then go for it - but make sure you're able to look at the names objectively and not just as the name associated with that pain

HTH

BG

[Willow]

We've been through the same thing, we lost our second baby at 12 weeks (missed m/c) and although nothing was set in concrete, I already knew in my heart the names we would have used. I have a very strong feeling that our baby was a girl and so in my head and in my heart I refer to her by the name we would have used.

So for me, there's no way I could use it again. That name already belongs to one of our children, here or not.

It took us 12 months to fall prg again through IVF after our loss so I had a lot of time to grieve and think about this baby. Over time, this just became 'her' name. If circumstances had been different and we had fallen prg again quickly after our loss, I think I may have felt differently about the name.

It is a very personal decision though - I think only you can answer that and perhaps not until you fall prg again. You'll know if it feels right or not

[CathyS]

I lost my first baby at 10 (almost 11) weeks (also a missed miscarriage). We had the name Matthew picked out. (no girl's names at that point).

Never thought of it for the 2nd baby. Then for the 3rd baby, we liked Zara or Matthew for ages. But at 8mths I changed my mind and liked Ronan.

Somehow Matthew was just meant to be for my first little angel.

It is totally your call though and how you feel that counts.

[smiles4u]

I second Sneakysparkles comment entirely

I always say don't do what you have doubts about

But IF you are comfortable about it - Go for it !!

[~ Mylitta ~]

My DH and I had decided on a girls name and had a couple of potential boys names chosen when we lost our angel at just over 8 weeks. They are still the names we have chosen for the baby we have on the way, but I think because we never knew the sex of the first baby and never actually started calling it by a "real" name, that we have never felt uncomfortable using those names for this baby. If our angel's pregnancy had been longer and we had known the sex, it might be a different story because the name may have felt more like it "belonged" to our first baby...

[mrsmac]

Its very interesting when you do family history how many people in the past had children who died young and they used the name again for a subsequent child. I couldn't do that but I think your case is different and you need to do what you feel comfortable with.