Do you raise boys different to the way you raise girls?

[StrawberryMumma]

Maybe the title sounds a little odd!..but I couldn't think of another way to put it!

Let me try to explain!...The other day I was thinking about how I am bringing up my DD and how I will bring up DS. It got me thinking, should I raise DS a bit differently to my DD just because he is a boy? and vice versa? Or does it not matter? As in, will they just both naturally develop their own gender specific charcteristics ? (A bit of a nurture vs nature question I guess!).

I think it was on my mind because DH always says he doesn't want DS to turn into a girly boy IYKWIM?! But me on the other hand, would love to raise a boy that was gentle, caring but still strong at the same time.

So anyway, do you treat your DS's any different to your DD's??

..That all probably made no sense ...

Love to know what you think. Thanks!

[diannescruffy]

Lee, what a great question. To be honest we've raised our children exactly the same. DS#2 went through a stage of playing with his sisters dolls and that was fine with us. My boys are actually totally opposite in the sense that my eldest is messy and hates cleaning up whereas DS#2 is neat & tidy and loves helping me with doing some of the housework. DD#3 is very girly but will also get outside and play in the mud and pick up worms, much to the disgust of DS#2. It's amazing how siblings can be so different to each other, they just develop their own personalities and I think we have just taken things from there.

Regards,
Dianne

[amberj]

I've often wondered this same thing. I don't think I consciously treat DS any differently because he is a boy, but I bet in some ways I do. I mean, he has a toy truck that I roar around with him- I wouldn't do that if he were a girl. And yesterday we were outside and he was playing with the dirt and I didn't stop him because I thought "meh, boys do that". So its like as much as I try, the fact he is a boy means I do treat him differently because of these ingrained stereotypes.

Argh, how do I stop that?!

[visitor1]

I already raise my DS diferent to the girls.....i would like my son to be caring and gentle....but not a mummies boys....(huuuuge pet hate of mine). I want him to be a boy boy....and my girls to be the Princess's that they are...and be into the girly things.

Of course, i will let all my kids grow into how they want....NOT how i want...they are their own person so they should be allowed to express that

[BekZ]

I am not expert at boys.having 2 girls and another on the way but I read a very good article in the latest playgroup mag about raising boys. The author of the article highly recommends a book called Raising Boys. This book addresses boys developement, emotional needs. Like wise there is a book called Raising Girls which I'll be buying very soon. I have seen both books at Big W and in book stores.

[Oorki Galoorki]

i raise them the same BUT they learn differently so there has to be an understanding of that and the different processes that boys and girls go through to learn the same things!!

i have read raising boys and it is a great book. it explains alot of the differences, i also have raising girls but havent quite got to reading it yet...

[Je$$_84]

I think you do it without realising. I mean i'm not one to say he cant play with dolls etc but as Amberj said with things like playing in the dirt etc i think "oh he's a boy its ok" but if my DD gets dirty i imediatley change her cos i think girls should look pretty all the time...

Things like feeding my DD i was a bit stick... I loved the Vrooommm of the car as i brought the spoon to his mouth I was a bit lost for sounds to make to a girl. So we have stuck to animals

My DS is a mummies boy but i think its cos DP is on shift work and they dont get much father and son time. I think once he gets older and is more into sports and things that he'll become more of a mans boy. He is rough and does LOVE Dad time but at the end of the day if i had to pick he is a bit of a mummies boy. Not in a bad way.

He is very protective of me and his sister doesnt really have much of a gentle side ATM but can have if he wasnt going through this nasty stage.

[~clover~]

I think they'll develop in their own ways no matter what
My DD1 has always been very girly & prissy, always wearing skirts & dresses & liking flowers & stars & all the girly things. DD2 is pretty girly too, but alot more feral than DD1. Very rough & tumble, a bit of a tom boy.
Then DS has been very mothered, as much as the girls, but you can see the boy in him. He already loves cars & wheels. He'll play with any type of wheel, lol. He threw a tanty when I took him away from mum's car wheel yesterday!!
DH & I have had arguments about him being a 'mummy's boy', but, I'm not worried. DH isn't a mummy's boy & has no respect what so ever for women. He is learning now, but I'm trying to raise my DS the oppisite, coz I don't want him turning out like his father.
DH has learnt to keep his mouth shut now. He agree's that he isn't the not the best male role model & while he's trying to be better, DS will be treated the way I think he should be. Like my baby He will get to do 'boy' things though, like work on cars with the boys & all that stuff.

[~Trish~]

I can't compare because I don't have any girls, but I don't think you can make your DS "girly", I think they either are more inclined to be soft and gentle or they're not IYKWIM. My boys are with me 24/7 and they are real "boys"! They love to play outdoors, they naturally gravitate towards playing with cars and trucks, they love rough and tumble and getting dirty.

Both boys have had a preference for me as babies (I suppose they were Mummy's boys LOL), but I think that's natural. The older they get the more they want to hang out with their dad. I don't even see DS1 if DH is home LOL, he is by his side non-stop. DS1 wants to do everything that daddy does, mow the lawn, take the bins out, fix or build things etc. DS2 is starting to gravitate towards doing "daddy stuff" the older he is getting too!

I don't know if my ramble made sense, but I just wanted to say that, yep, your DS will develop his own male characteristics and there isn't much you can do about it LOL!

[Trillian]

I'm finding that we're parenting our children according to their needs/personality and not their gender. Like my eldest who's just turned eight does like to play with the girls' and their girls toys from time to time (but this is getting less and less frequent simply because he's growing up and his interests are changing) just as the girls love getting out in the dirt and playing with trucks. In fact we brought DD2 a bulldozer for her 4th birthday cause that's what she wanted. I don't care if my girls get dirty - cause it does wash off and many a tomboy-ish girl as a child has grown up to be a very feminine girl, so it's a non issue.

I notice that a few of you are erring towards gender issues when commenting on this - you want girly girls and boyish boys, (and there's nothing wrong with that at all, but its just leading to my next point) but for me, that's got nothing to do with it. What toys children like to play with is insignificant in how they should be parented in my opinion, because it's only play - it's not lifestyle forming kwim? It's a huge part of their development to be exposed to all of that and it helps build and encourage their imaginations and creative sides.

I think their personality defines how they will be as adults. You will have more luck in nurturing a gentle and sensitive boy into a man if he's got that type of personality to start with, otherwise you're trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole - some boys just can't be parented that way kwim? It doesn't mean that they wont ever be caring and nurturing, but it will be a different form. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean by that in words, so I hope you are getting what I'm trying to say. Hmmm for another example, the big gruff burly bloke who is a 'man's man' can still be just as gentle holding his newborn baby and can be just as supportive to his partner as a man who is more gentle by nature. And even me, I was the type of girl who got along better with boys at school, wasn't afraid to get in amongst the rough and tumble, caught tadpoles and went yabbying, and as a teen I wasn't really into the whole girly thing and even now I'm no fashionista - hell I've owned the same handbag for 9 years and I only own 1, yet I'm still a very caring, gentle and nurturing person.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it's not up to us to define our children by raising them differently/stereoptypically because I don't want them to feel stiffled at all by forcing them to be who they aren't. All we can do is give them the confidence and show them the way.

[~Trish~]

Awesome post Trillian! I agree with you 100% . If my boys were "girly" or ever become that way, I would never try and stop it. It's important for each child to explore different things and be able to express themselves freely. If my next one is a boy I hope he's a bit more girly, I need one of my children to want to hang out with me LOL!

[~clover~]

I agree, while I don't buy DS dolls, with 2 older girls he's going to play with them & I'm not going to stop him!
Our girls also had a small motor bike & we plan on getting them another one as soon as we get a bigger place with a yard as theirs was stolen.
I've also bought the girls cars & truck & stuff when they've wanted them before DS came along. I dunno about buying DS a pretty doll though...get back to me in a few years & we'll see!!
My girls have always gotten dirty if they wanted to & walked around helping work on cars & stuff with no shirt on like dad, lol!
They are who they are. I don't think anything will change that

[myson]

Both boys have had a preference for me as babies (I suppose they were Mummy's boys LOL), but I think that's natural. The older they get the more they want to hang out with their dad. I don't even see DS1 if DH is home LOL, he is by his side non-stop. DS1 wants to do everything that daddy does, mow the lawn, take the bins out, fix or build things etc. DS2 is starting to gravitate towards doing "daddy stuff" the older he is getting too!

Makes perfect sense... now that I have read that 'raising boys' book (steve biddulph)

he talks about this exact thing. The different stages and ages and who they are likely to look to as a role model at different times.

The OP is exactly what i have been thinking myself... expecting my first boy after raising two girls and growing up in a family of all girls.