I am the mother of a very large and physically capable 2 year old (95cm and 16kg). He has always been a really lovely boy, and still is most of the time. The problem is that he goes very suddenly from playing gently with his 4 week old brother, to shaking him, hitting him or just lying on top of him. I can't turn my back for a second. I know that usually he just forgets how big and strong he is, but that doesn't help my stress levels.
I don't want to smack him for being too rough, it seems like I am sending the wrong message. However stern talkings to and being sent to the 'time out' room don't seem to be helping.
Any suggestions on how to make him understand that he needs to be more gentle?
Sorry luv but in my experience there isn't anything you can do to teach such a young child to be gentle. My boys are just under 18 months apart so we had a very similar thing to contend with. Your older boy isn't being mean or anything, he is just being a normal kid with a new "thing" that makes cool noises. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is not leave the baby when Mr Two can reach him (perhaps try a playpen for the baby?) I know my second son got hardly ANY floor time because we are always having to keep his brother at bay. Even now, Flynn is nearly 3 and we have to constantly teach him not to push, sit on or bump his brother. Don't get me worng - since Oliver started acting more like a "person" in Flynn's eyes, and since Flynn started to develop a little empathy, things are easier. But for a long time there we couldn't trust him with Ollie at all. On the bright side, you will find your second child will probably grow up to be super-tough. There is nothing like being beaten up all your life to make a second child bullet proof LOL!!
I had a feeling someone was going to tell me it was no good. Thanks for being honest.
I know he isn't just being horrible. It must be pretty hard to understand that jumping and giving big cuddles is ok with mum and dad, but not with little brother. He always looks terribly upset when he makes the baby cry.
We have been making jokes about how tough DS2 is going to have to be. Thankfully bub seems to be growing as quickly as his big brother did (so far) so with any luck he will be just as big and will be able to hold his own before too long.
It'll get better Mel, trust me LOL! And don't let anyone tell you "oh its because your oldest is a boy". A GF has an older girl and younger boy (small age gap like yours) and the girl is awful to her brother. So don't feel like you lucked out because your oldest isn't a "gentle little girl"!
As for how to handle him when he is rough - my advice is tell him no but just accept that he is a baby himself and doesn't understand what is going on. Like I said, your new baby is THE most exciting toy you have EVER bought your son, so it is reasonable he wants to see what the baby does when he sits on it LOL!!
There is a book you might find useful - it's called "Three Shoes, One Sock and No Hairbrush - Everything you need to know about having your second child" by Rebecca Abrams (available on Amazon and some public libraries). She goes into a bit of detail about how childrens' relationships with their siblings change over time. Your son is probably hitting his brother now because he is new but in a few months he'll start ignoring him once the novelty wears off. Then once Bub starts crawling and grabbing toys, the fights will start, but once your youngest learns to play and your oldest to share, it will change again. One thing is certain with two (or more!) - it is never the same for long!!
2 year old being hitting new brother
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