My DH doesn't understand her

[Visitor7]

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Nina has not been diagnosed with a special need, however she is a very sensitive child to many things. And my biggest problem is with my dh, he doesn't understand it.
A couple of examples are:
~ If we have, or are having, people over our house, then we have to prepare Nina for this. We cannot just have them turn up and Nina accept that. She will scream. This happened a few months ago, and she screamed for almost an hour as we didn't prepare her.
~ Everything in her life is organised, neat, and in order. Nothing can be out of order. Something as simple as where we sit at the dinner table. She has seats for everyone in our family, including nanna & poppy, and you cannot sit at their seat. She'll go balistic. All her books are in order on her bookshelf, her dolly's & teddy's have their special place on her bed. You simply cannot change it.
They're just a couple I've mentioned.

Now the problem is, dh thinks this is my fault that she's like this. He thinks that she's learnt from me, and is copying what I do. Yes, I'm an organised person, but Nina is her own person, and I do not think I've 'created' this personality for her. He thinks I give in too much and too often to her, and he's forever trying to 'break the habit' for her.
So what I'm looking for, is anyone that has been in this situation before. Have I created this? How do I help dh deal with this. For me, it's not a problem. I help her with this. This is who she is, and I don't want to change that.

[~Trish~]

It's so hard when our DH's aren't on the same page as us, they don't know our kids like we do. I just wanted to say that no, you haven't done anything to make her the way she is. It is just who she is and there is nothing you can do to change her. Your DH wanting to "break the habit" will just aggravate things, he really needs to work with her, not against her.

I am not going to diagnose your daughter, I am no expert and she could just be going through a very normal stage. I have heard lots of mums say similar things about their two year olds. We have a history of Asperger's syndrome in our family (my dad, brother and niece have it, other family members have traits) - and they have similar traits to what you have described. The best thing to do is what you are doing - preparing her in advance of what to expect. I don't have Aspergers, but I think I have some traits of it. I personally need advance notice if we are going to have visitors too. I love having people over, but I need time to process what is going to happen and what I will do. Poor DH cops it if he doesn't give me notice, I have been known to have a panic attack or "melt down" if I don't have enough warning! I understand where your DD is coming from about liking order and everything in it's place. I won't let anyone hang out my washing because I can't handle it put out "wrong" LOL! I also can't handle things like pages of books being creased or written on, weird I know, but I can't help it and it's best if people respect it!

I really hope your DH comes around. You are doing all the right things, well done .