My mum asked me yesterday whether my DS spends much time playing just on his own vs having me playing with him, and it got me to thinking. I spend most of my time with him being actively engaged in the things that he's interested in, and whilst I try not to lead in the games, I'm not sure that he spends that much time just doing things for himself, if that makes sense. Even when I'm doing my grown-up jobs, if he's hanging around I'm talking to him about them and involving him where I can - eg, he has a little bucket that he uses to help me water (from collected buckets of rainwater), or he stands on a chair at the bench when I'm cooking, runs through the washing when I'm hanging it out on the line, that sort of stuff.
So just wondering what other people's "norms" were, and whether I'm maybe stifling his creative development and/or creating a child that can't entertain himself without adult involvement (well, except for when he's doing the things you don't want him to do ).
where is the balance? and is it something that maybe happens mostly with 1st borns before they get a sibling?
My DS plays on his own. I leave it up to him as sometimes it is obvious he is caught up in what he is doing. But we also have play together and I make sure he gets access to other kids so he gets a chance to play with them as well. If he is tagging along when you are doing things he wants to be involved. If he runs off to his own room with a toy and starts playing then let him have a bit of time to himself. If you let him lead I am sure you are doing just fine. You sound like a great mum.
I think its very important for children to spend time on their own. My DD#1 whom has just started school this year, will often go into her room after school and play with her barbies.....for up to 2 hours. She's happy, she knows she can play with her sisters if she wants, she knows where i am, so no, i think its a good thing.
But in saying that, the time you are spending with your child surely cannot be looked upon as a -ve experience for him.....i think its admirable your concerned, but agree with other posts, should he wander off and get invovled in something of his own, let him be.....have a cuppa!!
My DS was always very independent and would nearly always want to play alone. We had the opposite of trying to play with him and him not wanting. Very hard to get involved if he's throwing a wobbly. My DD is 9 months soon and enjoys playing alone also. I love watching what they like to do when they think no one is watching. I think it helps then open up their imagination more.
You sound like a lovely mum! I agree with the others, as long as you let him lead, then I think all will be fine. It sounds as though he wants to be spending time with you and playing with you, so I wouldn't go changing things.
It's not so much that I hover over him all the time, because absolutely, if he's doing stuff on his own then I'm wrapt, exactly cos it means I get a cuppa, or a couple of jobs done (more likely), and as long as he's not going to hurt something, or himself, then I'm really happy to let him go for his life. It's probably that I don't necessarily make him play on his own, I just let it happen when it does.
I guess I was curious to see what other people's kids do, and how long they can entertain themselves for, and is there a point at which you do intervene & make them play on their own. And then, even in writing that, it's probably going to be the case of every child is different.... so probably a silly question really
DS has only JUST started to play on his own - for about 10 minutes a day now - he'll go into his room or DD's room - and then comes running out to hang around me again. Some days I feel like i have a growth on me cos he is so permanently attached to me!!!
I quiet often let DD lead me in what she feels like. She enjoys playing on her own with her "babies" and "cooking" - infact, she sometimes tells me to go away if I try to interupt!!!! Other times she will come and actually ask me to play/dance/sing.
DS plays on his own a bit - with a train. LOL. Long enough for me to shower or tidy up quickly. ATM he's not playing alone much because of teething, he comes to me for cuddles a lot and likes me sitting down where he left me! I love all the kisses and cuddles I'm getting today. But he can play alone really well when he wants to!
There's no problem for me with having him help put washing out or help chop up carrots for me to cook. There's no problem for me to play pretend or run around the house with DS. There's no problem for me to sit on BB or reading or sewing while DS plays near my feet.
Just like there's no problem for me if DS has a sleep-in in his own bed or if he comes into mine at 6.30 and goes back to sleep for an hour! I like both.
Aiden is very independant, and will happily play on his own for ages.. i actually start to worry if its a bad thing. But, he can entertain himself quite happily outside for a good hour or more. Inside, he does require more one on one type play, but outside, generally, as long as we are in the about, he is quite happy doing his own thing.
My DS does a mixture - he is happy to play alone for a bit but likes to see that we are around - he v rarely would go into another room if he cant see us. i encourage this as i think it is good for his creativity, but i also love playing with him, seeing what he is up to etc. i think they would play alone more when they are a bit older and esp when they go to school etc (like mbear's dd) when they are around lots of other kids all day...
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Does your toddler play on his/her own?
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