Are we becoming too paranoid as a society?

[PinkPalace]

This is for a general discussion - not an attack on people beliefs or practice so that is clear!
Just a friendly discussion point to see how people feel

In our society today, in the increase of medical knowledge about conditions and preventative measures are we becoming too paranoid and over protective in our pregnancies and children?

For example...

Diet during pregnancy and breastfeeding
Nursery equipment such as monitors, breathing mats, anti-roll pillows, special breathable mattresses
Rights and wrongs of discipline and the emotional effect on the baby
Bathing and body care of the baby - lotions, potions, wipes etc?

Are all these things (and please suggest others) driving us into paranoid parents?

[Tracey]

I think so...

Well maybe not myself as I tend not to believe/read/ accept the latest fads etc!

Millions of ppl are born around the world daily (just not my stubborn one!) that dont have access to all the hype, vitamins, info, pregnancy info etc that... say for example we do in OZ!

They arent necessarily any less safer, happier, healthier etc that us!

I think there are many OTT products on various things, but I guess as an individual I choose what I want to believe, try, trust in & what to me can be hype, money making scams & baloneym I simply dont buy!!

Thats' the good thing atleast ....we are able to choose what we want to believe in etc!!!

[Trillian]

Yes and no for me.

The questions you've put forward are very interesting though. The way I see it, it's a generational thing. What we see as being a 'no-no' our parents and grandparents would have had a different view and would have heeded the advice given to them at the time, which at the time would have been the right advice - not that we would agree with it now, but back then there was less of a tendency to question what was told to you.

For me in this day and age, I haven't worried too much about diet and exercise in pg and BF - moderation is the key to everything and you have to trust your judgement. I still eat runny eggs for brekkie sometimes, eat softserve and deli foods but I know what the risks are and can make an informed judgement from that.

I have never used any special nursery equipment - they never had it 60yrs ago and people got along just fine, but the SIDS recommendations are very important, but even those have changed over the years.

Discipline is a tricky one as I have found that it needs to be individual for each child - what works for one wont with another. Personality also comes into this. I think DH and I have done well to instill values and morals into our children and really pride ourselves on that.

Baby products, I'm not so fussed about as we have been very lucky not to have children with sensitive skin. I don't use powders or creams on them as it just isn't necessary I think - bit a marketing ploy all that stuff is LOL - bath products to help sooth and settle baby? *phffft*.

I think what is more prolific in driving us to become paranoid parents is the social aspects of our lives - worry about strangers and that sort of thing.

[PinkPalace]

When i was pregnant. My SIL and i were talking, we were at dinner and i ordered barramundi. Anyhow, she asked if i cut out fish etc due to the mercury etc etc.

I told her that i was eating peanuts, tuna, prawns, crab, calamari, fish and her jaw dropped and she started shaking her head saying oh no... you shouldnt have been eating all that ( i was 31 weeks pregnant) and i had made the decision that i would eat what ever i wanted during my pregnancy, my mother did and i turned out healthy so it cant be all that bad (i didnt eat raw fish/meat though... i stuck to this one) and my little one is very healthy....

[Tracey]

I was living in Bali til I was 26ish wks preg with Maddison, I had not seen a dr, or had any Medical advice or attention... I was pregnant, I wasnt sick!

I had no idea there were rules & certain foods to avoid, things to avoid etc. I was travelling the island by motorbike, heck I saw women from my then partners village getting around on the motorbikes almost due with babies their lives didnt stop or change & so i just did like them, I was simply pregnant...

It wasnt til I got back to Aust & ppl were shaking their heads at me... When I told them what I had been up to in Bali, including eating food from carts (which I have always done), eating on the beach fresh seafood at Jimbaran Bay etc...

So for me nothing changed....

With Indah's preg & now Zyon's preg I have read pamphlets & taken note of various things, but made my own decisions, some ppl wouldnt agree with, but then I dont always agree with others!

[christy]

I think yes & no myself.

I worried about SIDS because of knowing someone whose son died from it. But I didn't get a mat or a monitor or anything like that. I just checked the SIDS website & did the best I could without living in total paranoia. I'm someone who could go overboard with it.

I find that if I worry too much about the "what ifs" I lose the "what now". I mean that if I spent all my time worrying about every little thing that could affect them the rest of their lives, I could miss things that are happening right now, memories that can be made of positive experiences and love.

[Roryrory]

I think it is all about being informed and making an informed choice. You might be informed about the risks of your child sleeping on his or her stomach, but depending on the age of the child and your personal circumstances (ie: whether there are other risk factors such as smoking, 2nd hand mattress, etc) you might decide that the risk is low enough and let your bub sleep on his or her stomach. Equally, you may have read of the risks of extended periods of crying or 'controlled crying" but decided that, damn it, tonight I just need to sleep so my winging two year old can cry for an hour while I wear ear plugs.

Personally,DH and I do our best to read as much as we can on childrearing and so on and then based on that information make an informed choice. I respect anyone else who does the same, even if their choices based on the same information are different.

I think a great example is organic food - I completely understand and applaud people who are, say, vegetarians and eat only organic food and insist on that for their children. DH and I don't do this - we eat well enough, choose organic where we can/can afford to but have the odd bit of cr@p in our diet as well. With Flynn's diet, he has non-organic vegies and non-organic meat but organic baby food when I buy it in a jar - go figure LOL! But my point here is we are trying to look at the big picture of chemicals being bad and making choices that suit us and our lifestyle as a whole. We drive a car with a plastic interior, use a microwave, paint our house with commercial paint - but use an organic floor sealant and DH is in the process of building a new chest of drawers for Flynn because he doesn't want MDF near our bub's clothing. It's about us being informed as parents and making a choice.

[PinkPalace]

I find that if I worry too much about the "what ifs" I lose the "what now". I mean that if I spent all my time worrying about every little thing that could affect them the rest of their lives, I could miss things that are happening right now, memories that can be made of positive experiences and love.

You voiced my thoughts beautifully Christy.

[MrsFabuloso]

I think things have gone too far. While it is important to be informed, I think in some instances paople are over informed and get anxiety and depression and other problems like this from having too much information, being misinformed and not seeking professional advice.
What do you think people did before lotions and potions, monitors and breathing sensors? They slept with their bubs, breast fed them and used natural stuff on their rashes and things. Now research says thats the way to go....why did it change in the first place?!
There is so much hype surrounding pregnant women, children and babies and I think too many people fall for it. The easiest, cheapest and usually the best thing to do is what people did 200yrs ago! I'm not saying there isn't instances where modern technologies or medicines, etc...arent needed, but I do think there is definately too much these days.

[Rouge]

I think yes and no.

Sometimes its ok for our kids to fall over and hurt themselves. I hate the fact that schools have padding around the basketball hoop pole for fear of children running into them. Or that kids aren't allowed to swing upside down on bars.

But I also think some things like sids, listeria etc its up to the individual person as to whether it bothers you or not.

But then I think in some cases things are in place for a reason, I hate that we live in a society that is riddled with perverts that we have to worry about pics on the internet, we can't let our children walk home from school or play out on the street or in the front yard. I wonder sometimes that because we've become so self sufficient that we no longer rely on our community that we've shot ourselves in the foot. Whilst yes gossip is a bad thing but back when my mum was a kid her neighbours would have known every dirty secret on each other, and if there was some loner suss old man living in a house people would know about it and would be wary. Kids could play in the street because mrs nosy parker across the road would be soooo worried about a cricket ball coming through the front window that she would be watching the kids the whole time. So if dodgy man from down the street came up to the kids someone would know about it. I know I am generalising and I know dodgy perverts aren't always loners But ykwim. I mean who knows their neighbours these days? And who goes next door when they run out of eggs, milk or sugar? It just doesn't happen. For me this is where my paranoia lies and I hate it.

ETA: With regards to lotions and potions, and all that jazz yeah I think its not necessary. Same goes for fandangled gadgets. But having said that I wouldn't be without my angel care monitor LOL! But I don't give in to flushing potty's LOL!

ETA2: I realise I went completely off topic LMAO sorry

*hugs*
Cailin

[{sarah}]

I'm a bit of a fence sitter on this one as well.

With diet during pregnancy I think it's probably saved a lot of miscarriages by pin-pointing some of the foods that carry listeria. I think people can go a bit far & be very paranoid over it, but I think most people take in the info & use it to their needs. For breastfeeding I wasn't aware that there are such strict restrictions, more so what you learn your baby can & can't tolerate. Having not breastfed I don't really know.

Some of the nursery equipment I think makes people less vigilant, some thinking that the breathing monitor is on the bed therefore bub is ok unless the alarm goes off. I'd prefer to check for myself rather than rely on machinery. JMHO there. Monitors I like purely for being able to hear a crying bub when I am not in earshot ie hanging out washing when bub is asleep.

I think that worrying about the emotional affects of discipline is very important, but I wouldn't say I'm paranoid over it. IMO everything we do, discipline or otherwise is shaping our children's emotional well being & that is a very important thing to concern ourselves with as parents. I guess some people would get paranoid over it & try not to discipline their children because of this, but I think they're making it worse for the child as they have no boundaries.

Lotions & potions aren't necessarily a good thing in my opinion. Certain branded products have been known to cause eczema flare ups in babies & did in Zander. I'm not sure on anyone being paranoid about using these sorts of things though?

[Emma1979]

yes, i pretty much do think things have gone over the top a little... i also think companies know this and are revelling in it, and marketing all these wonderful 'necessary' products to all the mums... but each to their own, whatever makes you feel safer etc...

i pretty much ate whatever i felt like when pregnant... oh the only thing i stayed away from was salad bars, but i don't eat salad from salad bars anyway cos i am paranoid about germs! LOL

and in regards to lotions etc, i think they are a waste of time... i use avacado oil for baby massage and try to use cotton wool and water as much as possible on her bum. i think all the chemicals in the wipes etc are not good for anything.

also, and i know this is going to sound terribly bad, i only occassionally sterilise the dummy. a quick rinse under hot water is usually all it gets (and strange for me as my main paranoia is germs!!). i hope nobody lectures me about the dummy!

[Tracey]

Cailin,
my hubby thinks it's weird as heck that neighbours dont know each other in Aust!
When my inlaws were here they too found it quite sterile & weird that we dont all get together!!!
i grew up living in a court where everyone knew everyone & we all knew who the ladie's hubby next door was seeing whenever she was out etc!
it certainly has changed!

[Karina]

Hmmm yes and no... Sometimes i think it is a matter of being aware and informed, but sometimes i think people do go a bit OTT at times..

Diet during pregnancy and breastfeeding - I cant say I went totally crazy with my diet while pregnant. I still ate food from salad bars (obviously not the yukky looking ones, but I wouldnt eat from a yukky one even if I wasnt pregnant). I was sensible with what I ate but i wasnt about to turn myself into a food cripple or anything.

Nursery equipment such as monitors, breathing mats, anti-roll pillows, special breathable mattresses - these are good items to have, but I tend to agree that having all this stuff might make someone less vigilant. I too would prefer to check on my daughter rather than relying on a machine. I do tend to agree with the use of monitors though, for if I had to go outside to hang up the washing or something while my daughter was sleeping, but i usually bring my daughter with me as I live in a unit and I cant just run back in if she needs me.

Bathing and body care of the baby - lotions, potions, wipes - bathing yes - i reckon you need to do it occassionally although I admit I dont bath my daughter every day. Its not as if she is outside getting filthy (she is 4 months old) so I do not see the need for daily baths right now. Lotions and potions - it depends on what they are. I use a bit of avocado oil on her head as she gets a bit of cradle cap, but thats all. I am not into the sterilising of everything my baby touches. I dont see it as necessary as i believe we need to be exposed to *some* germs in order to build the immune system up.

[PinkPalace]

Emma - I usually do the same with the dummy - boil them every other day but usually just sit them in boiling water from the jug...

As for baths, we do bathe DD every night but it is for relaxation and routine so she knows it is time for night time sleep. We use wipes only through convience - hopefully they wont damage her skin using them all the time (not sure).

Tracey - it is like that in australia some times isnt it. The last 2 places we lived we knew our neighbours... when we bought our house we knew everyone from the street (bought a puppy and all the kids came to visit - great way to meet the neighbours lol). Where we are now we also know our neighbours which is nice because if they are having parties you can call them at midnight and ask them to be quieter or if you need something quickly they will pop over. QUite nice actually.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I think yes, but only because of the "You Should" gang.

"You Should"... have the baby sleep alone. Co sleeping eliminates the need for baby monitors, but sleeping alone means the SIDS risk is there and a monitor is needed. Then again, if we had a big house I would have a monitor just for when DS was asleep and I was in the kitchen or the garden.
"You Should"... with crying; if we listened to our instincts and not the gang then we wouldn't need to be told it's OK to comfort a crying baby because no-one would have thought to do otherwise. Therefore no angst about discipline methods as we'd be doing the right thing, which is the natural thing and not second-guessing ourselves (btw, I don't call beating a child right OR natural, that is a learned behaviour from when beating was considered acceptable and needs to stop now so our children don't even consider it).
"You Should"... eat fresh, organic food. Well, we've only needed to do that since ready made stuff was marketed so much to us and we started to mess up the environment with pesticides and chemicals.
I don't use products for DS either; people think I'm mad for rarely using baby wipes, let alone no soap on DS's skin. Same with the fact I'm "brave" for using cloth nappies. If there weren't over-priced baby products and throwaway nappies no-one would think twice about it.

When DS is older he will be going out to play. He can go out on his bike with his friends for a ride. He can go to the local park without me holding his hand all the way (although he will be watched, just not helicopter-mothered). I won't let him go to the park in the dark, but that's a silly thing to do and not over-paranoid IMO.

I don't sterilise either - hot soapy water is good enough for me, so as I'm BFing any antibacterial things I have will go to DS, so hot soapy water must be good enough for him. Things drop on the floor at home, he can have them right back; what will he be getting in his mouth when he crawls anyway? Falling outside then they're taken away, but that's not a bad thing!

[widdly]

YES ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many parents are sooooo paranoid, however in saying that i don't think that those paranoid parents are bad parents just that i can't understand how they deal with all the extra stress they put on themselves. Each to their own, what works for us is different to what works for them and thats fine.

i think parents have forgotten just how tough and resilient babies and children are. We only ever used a monitor if DS was in bed and we were outside, it was really tempting to use it all the time but we stopped ourselves from doing that as we would have jumped at every single little whimper, instead of just letting him turn over and settle himself back to sleep. i did use an anti-roll pillow til DS learnt how to completely roll over and back again. i think i do worry too much about the rights and wrongs of discipline, but i also think some people don't put enough thought into it.

I guess we all pick and choose as a parent what things we will and will not worry about. Compared to other parents i think we are very relaxed.

[Berry]

It would be nice to strike a balance between obtaining valuable wisdom, alongside surrendering to worry-free relaxation. Unfortunately we stress ourselves with a whole load of information we don't really need, and rarely let ourselves relax