Gap between babies - what's yours and did it work for you?

[Mrs P]

So we are already thinking about #2 Actually I've been thinking about it since DD was born

DD1 is almost 6 months old and was conceived after a long time (3+ years) and eventually with IVF. There is a *chance* we may be able to try naturally with #2, if not we have some frozen embies ready to go.

So my question is - what is the gap between your kids and would you do it the same again if you had the chance?

For those with smaller gaps, less than 20 months - how did you cope with a new bubba and a young toddler?
For those with larger gaps, more than say 26 months - how did you cope with a toddler that was older and possibly not day-napping anymore? I can't imagine looking after a newborn without getting at least one nap myself during the day!! Or maybe I'll just be a lot more prepared for the sleep deprivation 2nd time around!

I am thinking of seeing my gynae/FS around DD's 1st birthday and then starting either TTC naturally or IVF soon after that. So that would make a gap that could be as small as say 20-22 months... but of course you never know how long it will take to TTC. Which makes me think maybe we should start looking into it before DD turns 1 - at least I guess finding out if I am ovulating etc or if we're going to need the IVF again.


All thoughts/comments welcome!!

[feeb]

My boys ate 18 months and 4 days apart!! I love it, was blooming hard work especially first 6 - 8 weeks (added extra of CS recovery). DS1 was not walking till 21 months so that made it hard as had to carry him as well as baby whom I had in a close carrier a lot of the time.

At feed times I would make sure DS1 had food and drink and or DVD or tv show to watch, I also had some toys just for feed times that I could help him with 1 handed or read a book.

You learn not to worry about messy house and things not done. DS2 was much happier to be put down on floor or in swing while I sorted DS1 out that DS1 was to wait.
i also tryed to make sure DS2 was due a feed after DS1 was in bed for arvo nap which was 1 till 2 - 4 depending until he went into a bed and stopped napping at 25 months.

I was out and about early on with both in pram as I could not drive die to CS, I caught train to city and went to aquarium when DS2 was 3 weeks old!!

I don't think there is any right or wrong gap it depends what works for you.

My 2 boys now play together (not always nicely) and its very cute to see DS1 giving DS2 cuddles and kisses and sharing when he feels like it.

Good luck

[onthefly]

You know, I think it really just depends on the kids and you. And in the end, you just make it work, whichever way.

Personally, with my DS the way he was, anything less than a 2 year gap would have been soooo hard. Now he finally sleeps through (most nights) and does still have a day nap (usually - not today ), and he spends most of his time in his own little fantasy world so it's not too hard to find time to see to DD (or spend time on the computer even). I think it is handy if the older child is toilet trained, can dress themselves and get themselves into the car, etc, and things like that. I'd like a 3-4 year gap to be honest, but we'd like 1 or 2 more and I'm getting on a bit...

Plus I just didn't want to face IVF again before he was 2. We tried naturally for 6 months beforehand too.

[Manhattan]

Subscribing

[Purple Penguin]

The girls are a month off being 4 years apart. There are a few reasons for it though, not because we necessarily planned it that way.
Anyhow it works for us, Erica loves to help out her little sister.

[Maruschke]

We were aiming for 2 years but no luck so far.

[Just Me]

You know, I think it really just depends on the kids and you. And in the end, you just make it work, whichever way.

:yeahthat: I think no matter what the age gap, there are advantages and things you have to work harder on with both.

Having said that, my kids are all very close together.

DD1 and DS - 12 month gap
DS and DD2 - 15 month gap
DD2 and this baby (due in a few weeks) - 17 months

I have never struggled with a smaller age gap except through pregnancy. It is hard work having babies that need to be picked up and dealing with dirty nappies when I am physically exhausted. Because they are so little, I don't have a choice, I have to lift them and I have noticed with this pregnancy the most. Also having kids closer together has taken a toll on my body and my iron levels have been pretty low without supplements since I was pregnant with DS. Back to back breastfeeding and pregnancy (and sometimes both at the same time) does have an impact.

As far as dealing with a newborn and a toddler, I just work my whole day around the older kids having a nap when the newborn does. My kids all still sleep during the day for at least an hour - DD1 sometimes doesn't but will read by herself in her room for an hour and a half so I can still usually have a sleep, which I have needed through this pregnancy.

I think with all obstacles, I have found fairly good solutions and because my kids are close together, the older ones have helped to show the younger one how we do things (like road safety, eating at the table etc) so it is not just my voice all the time. When they are newborns, I have always had a capsule, which has been a life saver. If we are going out, i put the baby to sleep in that so I don't have to wake them to put them in the car or to get them out again. It cuts down on needing to take rockers and other things when we go out somewhere (and fits in the top of my pram). It means that when we go to get in the car, I can put the baby in the capsule down while I make sure the others are safe. When I get home, I can dump the capsule inside the door while I get the other kids out rather than trying to find a safe place to put the baby down. It gets a bit easier when they move by themselves but especially in the early days, the capsule is a life saver.

Having them closer together and being a full time SAHM also means that we don't have a school run. DD1 starts kindy this week so that will be something new, but not having to go out 5 mornings a week and get older kids off to school has been very settling for our routine.

My kids entertain each other a lot too so that frees up my time to look after the baby a bit more. I make morning tea and lunch every morning and put it in the fridge. The kids know morning tea time is after playschool is over and lunch time is when the hands on the clock are on the 12. They can get it out themselves so if I am feeding a baby or rocking a baby to sleep, they can sort it out themselves. They love doing it. They also know that straight after lunch, they go to the toilet (or wait for a nappy change), grab their milk off the bench and head to bed. I get their beds ready during the morning for their naps. I think because they do it altogether, the routine works really well and really easily.

They are some of my day to day management strategies. I was quite worried about how I would go with small toddlers and babies but developmentally, they are quite close together so in many ways it is quite easy. As I said though every age gap would have its challenges but there are good things too. I think whatever happens in your family, you make it work. I started out not leaving much of a gap because it took me 15 months to get pregnant with DD1 and wasn't sure how long my 2nd baby would take so we started straight away. The gap worked for us so we just kept going with not using any sort of contraception between babies and it happened when it happened.

Good luck with your decision and TTC. I hope you get a sticky bubba quickly.

[Mum2Romone]

We will have a 2 year age 9 month gap... Not by choice....

We started trying for number two when DS was 1 yr, 3 months old. Fell pregnant in June last year to miscarry at 3 months and then try for another three months to get pregnant again.

We are due august and DS will be 2 years and 9 months old ...... Oh well

There's always a chance we will get a closer gap next time, but to be honest three would be a handful lol

[RainbowBrite]

I have some really close gaps and two larger gaps.
dd1 - ds1 ~ 17 mths
ds1 - ds2 ~ 3yrs 10mths
ds2 - ds3 ~ 22 mths
ds3 - dd2 ~ 5yrs 8 mths
dd2 - dd3 ~ 11 mths
dd3 - ds4 ~ 13 mths

I really like a close age gap...my eldest two are still really close.
My last three are really close...I had three babies in 24 months.
I love that they will be close as they grow but I am not sure if i would recommend to have then so close...it is a lot of work.
dd2 is just getting TT during the day so up until now I have had three in full time nappies.
It can be hard going out with all three on my own...but you have to learn to manage.

[Feijoa Mum]

I have varying age gaps between all of my kids

Corban and Kees there is a 19 month gap
Kees and Ardyn there is a 3yrs 5month gap
Ardyn and Scout there is an almost 6 yrs gap
and
Scout and Peppar there is 23 months gap.

My favourite would have to be the 3 1/2yr gap I think. The older one is just old enough to be reasoned with but young enough to have no issues with jealously.

In saying that though they have all had there pros and cons.
Ardyn had severe reflux and was an awful sleeper and very hard work.
He actually put me off babies and I thought I was done. It took me till he started school to forget what he was like as a baby and think about the possibility of having more.

[~Kim~]

I have a 2y10month gap between my two. We started trying when DD was 6months old too as we only wanted an 18month gap.

I agree with a PP who said you deal with what you get.
I love that age gap and we will have a similar or greater gap if we decide to have another. My DD still had day sleeps until 3.5 so I could still catch a rest, and having her TTed and in a bed way before he was born was fantastic.

[*Twinkle*]

We have 13 months between our girls. It was hard and a bit of a blur in the early days after Jasmine was born, but now looking back it was sooooo worth it! We got all the lack of sleep out of the way quickly having them so close and now we are reaping the benefits. They are two peas in a pod and both are sleeping through. No more nappies and sleepless nights! Bliss!

[~Hestia~]

I only have the one right now and he is nearly 18 months. If we had fell pregnant with #2 when we originally wanted to, I'd be having he/she by now. In hindsight this would have been very difficult for us! He is a very full on little boy, and though we love him to bits we're glad when it's bedtime He's not bad or naughty - he just likes our attention, loves going out and doing new things, and at the moment is very rough and NOISY. Even though this is all normal I'm exhausted by the end of the day, can't imagine how it would be if I had to look after a newborn with the sleep deprivation that goes with it!

It's really a family choice, if we had a little newborn we'd obviously make it work. But I think for us just that little bit more of a gap is going to be more beneficial. Good luck!

[*Sparklez*]

with my eldest two ds"s i have a gap of 9 months and i found them the easiest out of all the gaps
my ds3 is 4 yrs apart from them and dd is 4 yrs from ds3
i found the last two the hardest as i seem to have lost alot of patience even though im 26 it just feels like ive been doing it for ages and im waiting for the holiday lol itms?
and just to add, my aunty did IVF for her first and concieved 6 months after lol she was shocked as she had been trying to concieve 1 for 6 yrs and to have be pregnant 6 months after natural , she was shocked

[minimatron]

I only know them close together.....
DD1 and DD2....19 months apart
DD2 and DD3.....23 months apart

I would have had a smaller gap with the last one but miscarriaged. My thing with havng them this close is that I am not getting any younger, I hope that being close in ages they can be great friends and have play mates, I am in the space of nappies bottles sleepless nights and tantrums, so for me why prolong the agony! Also when I am finished procreating, I can go on a holiday, go back to work.....

Its been hard having them close as my girls dropped their day sleep before 24 months, so no rest for me. Also I did have some issues with dd1 towards dd2 but thats all settled now and they are great together. By the time dd2 was sitting up and crawling, things settled down as she was more interactive for dd1. There are lots of pros and cons. I wouldnt do it any other way. If we were to have #4 I would probably start trying when dd3 is about 10 months old

[Catherine]

My first and second are 2 years 4 months apart.
They couldn't be any closer, really, as we concieved no. 2 after just one period.

The ages gap is working out just fine. DD was at the birth, and they tandem feed. They show alot of affection for each other. DS is now 18 mths old, and they play together (DD will be 4 soon). We are hoping for No. 3 (AF due today...so hopefully she stays away!). That would be pretty much the same age gap again.

It is nice when siblings are close enough in age that they can play together..but you can only plan these things so far!

what is that song: cay sera sera

[Mrs P]

Thanks for all the great replies - lots of good advice here

DH and I talked about it last night and I think we're going to move forward sooner rather than later, and I will go see my gynae/FS before DD turns 1. If we are blessed with #2 quickly then we will be thrilled and will cope with the smaller gap, and if it takes longer then at least we didn't wait too long to get started!

[beansbeans!]

the girls are 25 months apart.
Is it a good age gap? I don't know. I mean we don't know any difference. But yep it works (well so far both and growing, happy and love each other most days).

I agree with the others, I don't know any better and we constantly work on making it work. Before DD2 was born I was worried how I would handle the 2 of them. But then once DD2 was born we kind of got into our own routine, we found our own ways of doings things, and just altered the parts that werent working.
Honestly I don't think there is a perfect age gap, instead it all depends on how you make it work. Each child responds to new addition in their own way, and you never really can tell how they are going to respond until the new addition arrives.