Strategies required - DD hurting baby DS - I am sure I have tried it all!!!

[Salad]

Hi Girls (and guys)
I have a 2 yr old DD and a 8mth old DS, lately DD has been hurting DS, such as biting his head and hands, scratching his face and head pinching him etc. He looks like he has been in a fight with our cat, people say "Oh somebody looks like he has been tormenting the cat" but seriously its DD that has done it to him and I cant remember the last time I saw his face/head clear.
They are not random attacks she is doing it when he goes to touch her toys, he is just exploring but she doesnt know this, I have explained it to her, she is a pretty switched on little girl but is very protective of her stuff.
I feel like I have tired everything:

Taking the toy and putting it away for a long period (some days there has been more toys in my walk in robe than in their toy room)
Time out
Going to room
Sitting down and explaining it to her how its not nice etc
Smacking her
doing it back to her
The latest thing I tried was just ignoring it picking DS up and walking away with him but sometimes its hard to not react when she is so rough.

I am just wondering if there is something else I can try or do I keep peristing with these things and eventually she will get it - is there something I am missing.

Hope someone has some strategies for me.

Sal xo

[Tinks]

I had this problem with my DS when DD was born. I used to teach him to play nicely with her and show him nice ways to interract, teaching him things to do that made her laugh so they could interract together etc. Like patting her head and things like that. Also I got him involved in bath time, nappy changes and feeding etc so he felt more included.

[Salad]

Thanks Tinks, DD is included in everything and has been from the start, she even feeds him bottles and his food, they do laugh and giggle together but its just if he touches her toys its all about learning to share i guess.

[aussienic]

Would it be annoying to put up a gate or a playpen for DD's toys? that way she can still have her space and he can't get to the toys.

[Salad]

I thought of that Nic but they have a big room of the main living area for their toys and I dont want to lock DS out because DD cant share, his toys are in there too.

[Yeddi]

If it's about toys, that's obviously her collateral. If she can't share them, then she can't have them - take the toys off her. If she wont let her brother play with shared toys in a shared room, then nobody gets to play with them. Honestly, it wont bother him, babies at that age will have just as much fun exploring the shag carpet or chewing on a rusk, but it will have an impact on her.

[M22]

this is hard.. i create a drawer in ds room for hi s"special stuff" so anything taht he did not want dd to touch when he finshed he put in there.that helped. i also asked him to choose some of his toys that dd could play with.

[AndiE]

My DS1 will yell at DS2 and then smack him around the head or body. Not generally hard, but still - it's not on. I put him straight into time out and make no bones about being unhappy with his behaviour. Sometimes he gets a smack. To try and get through to him why it's not nice I say "he's your little brother - you have to look after him, he just wants to play with you, you have to share, it's not nice to hit etc etc etc". It's not constant here, but the minute DS2 takes another of DS1's toys, it happens again.

I can see you've tried time out, among other things. While it's not nice, it's obviously a stage most of them go through and I guess all you can do is be as consistent as you can with the "punishment" when your DD does it. Sorry I can't offer any other pearls of wisdom.

[~StarBright~]

Usually if we have a toy delema, i ask DS to choose a toy that baby can play with, he thinks that is heaps of fun and will often give her his own toys or one of hers. He does get possesive though and has at the odd time tried to sit on her for fun!! I think the older ones are just learning what they can do with the new baby who is now suddenly moving and crawling and wanting to touch everything!!

Sorry i am not much more help!!

[KimB]

Have you tried putting DS in a playpen by himself with some toys. That way he can stay in the play room with DD but she will have trouble getting to him to hurt him.

[*Ali*]

I agree with getting DD to choose some toys that are special to her and then creating a special place for her to put them, in a pretty decorated box, in her room etc. Then talk to her about the rest of the toys being for sharing.