Ooohhh SRV...

that's a bit tough.
I think if you were to go to sleep school they would recommend that you persist with the patting and sshh'ing as much as you can. They never encourage them to the point where they are screaming. Usually a child cries, but is relatively calm if their mum is there.

I find that if I hold my DS hand... he calms right down. I usually hold his hands with one hand, and pat with the other. And talk to him quietly... saying he is a good boy, he's going to sleep, mummy will be here when he wakes up etc.

But when I first went to sleep school, my DS wasn't used to it - and put up a huge fight. He really resisted the re-settling. I'm not an emotional person - but I shed tears the first time we tried to get him to resettle in the day. But the next day... he just took to it.

If the habit you have now is to pick him up and cuddle him back to sleep... it's hard for him to break that habit. Some mums will say that you should continue with the cuddling... but I understand that that can be as hard on you, as it is for your son. If he is able to re-settle himself, he will get longer sleeps, and will probably be a happier baby. I know my son was a totally different child after getting good day sleeps. He was so much happier.

How old is your DS?
Maybe you could get into a sleep school - just for a day stay?

Sorry I can't be more help. I know what it's like to try everything....
It was only the support and advice from the sleep school that gave me the skills and strength to persist.