If you had issues with bubs during pregnancy...

[chody47]

Do you still find yourself worrying about them 'too much' now that they are here? With DD2 I had a pregnancy full of issues. I was sooo worried that we would lose her. Now that she's here (and 100% healthy), I'm always worried something will happen to her (way more worried than with DD1). I almost feel like we are on 'borrowed time'. I struggle being away from her, even when she's with family. I worry that they won't keep an eye on her or check her when sleeping (didn't have this issue with DD1). I wake several times a night to check she's still breathing. It's honestly crazy. I feel like there is something wrong with me! Has anyone else felt like this? If so, when did it stop? Any advice for helping me to relax?

[nickle730]

Yep, my DS (my second child) has renal issues, diagnosed at gross morph scan, we were advised he was 'incompatible with life' and advised to terminate. I spent the first 5 years of his life feeling that we were 'on borrowed time'. He only has one kidney, it's very abnormal - but it does function. He was sick quite a bit in his first 12 months, lots of hospital admissions and some surgery. Consciously, I wondered how long his kidney would function for. I felt so sorry for this poor little baby being put through some many uncomfortable procedures, being ill so often. Subconsciously, I felt a never ending sense of impending doom.

It really affected the way that DH and I parented. We figured if it was going to be a short life, it would be a bloody good life! We gave DS pretty much whatever made him happy. As he grew, I made excuses for poor behaviour. It broke my heart to see DS upset, I would do whatever it took to make him happy. We spoiled DD1 too, because you can't spoil one kid and not the other, right?

By the time DS was about 5, we had a real ratbag on our hands! By nature, he is extroverted and confident. By nuture... he was a precocious brat! A really sweet, smart and handsome one, mind you!! Anyway, we realised that we had to treat DS the same way that we would treat any other kid. That meant more discipline, setting boundaries and insisting that they are respected, reigning in the attitude... the way that DH and I always intended to parent! DS is 7 now, almost 8, and he is still a confident little extrovert. But he does have more respect and he usually adheres to the boundaries we set. Not always, but what kid does?

So, in answer to your question, in some ways that change in my behaviour stopped when I realised that it was detrimental to my DS. That took 5 years!! The truth is, the worry never goes away for me because the renal issues will never be any better. Perhaps your conscious could have a chat to your sub conscious and tell her to relax?! You've been through a traumatic experience and it is normal for you to suffer residual effects of that. Have you talked to anyone about it; your GP, a counselor, even a good friend or family member?

[blessedatlast]

Quickly cos DS is stirring.. Yes, I still can't believe he's here after all we went through and sometimes believe it's too good to be true. I have to work hard to live in the moment and tell myself I deserve to have him here.

[chody47]

Honestly, I haven't mentioned it to anyone. I feel silly. Unlike your DS, she has no health issues, she's just on the lower end of the scale in terms of height and weight. I think that to anyone else I'd just seem like a 'regular' overprotective parent. I know it stems from the pregnancy issues.

[MLR1901]

I was nearly going to start a similar thread!
More along the lines of missing the feeling of being pregnant because they are safe inside. And they don't feel pain in there or cry!
I am loving DD being here, but I also miss her inside me so I don't have to share her, she doesn't have to cry from tummy aches and she was always getting food! Silly things but just what I've been feeling of late.
I had issues staying pregnant, then when it was a sticky one, there were some issues, but overall the pregnancy was smooth sailing. Wonder if these feelings are really repressed ones from pregnancy? Hmmm

[Mildez]

Same thing with me but my pregnancy was fine it was getting pregnant that was the hard part and ever since even over 2years on I feel its too good to be true and something is going to take her away from me. I was only stroking her head tonight in bed thinking something is going to happen to her

[chody47]

It seems lots of us have these feelings, for various reasons. I wonder if they'll ever go away or if I'll always be hugely overprotective of her?

[Mildez]

It seems lots of us have these feelings, for various reasons. I wonder if they'll ever go away or if I'll always be hugely overprotective of her?

My second daughter was not planned and I had some difficulties with her pregnancy (not in the sense your talking about) I was on medication for my neuropathy that my original GP insisted would cause abnormalities and insisted I terminate. Combined with the fact she shouldn't have been conceived as I was on contraception and then my medication I use to feel she wouldn't be strong enough to get through the next bit and I would loose her. Funnily enough that feeling faded when I had DD3 so maybe if you have another baby that feeling will be shifted on to it That's how it worked for me anyway

[Charlotte91]

I hate leaving DD somewhere. I get worried that she'll die when I'm not with her. And she's 2.5!!
DS, he's still a boob man so I cant' really leave him. But yes. I don't know if the feeling goes away, because it certainly hasn't for me.