questions from new mum - sleep and schedules

[ms_fluffy]

Hi everyone

This is my first post as a mum. My little girl is 7 weeks old, and I'm hoping to get some opinions/feedback from other experienced mums about the following issues:

Sleep - how do you get your bubs to sleep? The Plunkett nurse and family centre I visited (here in NZ, not sure what the Oz equivalent is) suggest some sort of control crying, and not to let her fall asleep in my arms. Thing is, she goes crazy when I put her in her basinet. I tried leaving her in there to cry for a few minutes, then comfort her and put her down again, but she gets into such a state that she's yelling before I even manage to put her right down after being comforted. They say don't leave her crying for more than 5-10 minutes, but I often don't even make it to 2 minutes before she's worked herself up. I personally don't think a little baby should be left to cry like that so I always pick her up and she eventually falls asleep with me.

So, just wondering at what age you trained your babies to sleep themselves, and how long it took to implement, and how successful were you?

Another thing is SCHEDULES. Aparently she should be on a 3 hour feeding cycle. I've tried to keep to that as a guide, but I just end up feedng her whenever she seems hungry, so that throws the schedule out. I'd like to have some order, so I can plan outings etc, but I feel 7 weeks is too young to impose a strict routine just for my own convenience. Am I being too soft? Would like to hear your experiences with routines etc.

Sorry this is such a long post, but I really need some feedback. Thanks lots.

[Trillian]

Don't aplogise for the long post!

You are on the right track - just follow your baby's cues for feeds and sleep and you will do great. Already you have discovered that control crying doesn't work, because all you end up with is an upset bubby and an upset Mummy. If she is happy to fall alseep in your arms, then fine - let her do that. After a while she will just fall into a routine all on her own, which is better because she is doing things the way she wants them done IYKWIM?

As for the schedules, I didn't follow one to the letter as such, but all of my kids just sort of fell into the habit of wanting feeds around the same time each day. If I wanted to go out, I just left earlier or later depending on when they would feed, because you usually know within 1/5 hour either side when they will be due for another feed IYKWIM?

Settling - If they didn't fall asleep during a feed, I would usually always put them into bed awake, but sleepy, and they would just go off on their own. There were nights when this would not work and then I would just nurse them to sleep or get them settled and calm and just put them into their bed awake. If they got really upset I would always hold them and comfort them. Sometimes this can happen quickly and other times you just need to persevere with it.

I think you are doing a great job and are not being too soft, because little babies just love to be held and comforted.

[Tracey]

=D> Congratulations on the birth of your little girl...
Also Congratulations on noticing that a baby shouldnt be left to cry just because some woman said so...

I demand feed my 6 month old daughter (a bit difficult now as I am back at work) but I leave Expressed Breast milk with my sister or Mother whoevers day it is to have her & they are on strict instructions to feed her when she is hungry... At 7 wks of age your daughter is still so new & needs lot's of cuddles, food, love & attention...

So by nursing her to sleep it wont harm her! I fed my daughter whenever she wanted to be fed & cuddlked her whenever we needed reassurance (coz Mums love cuddles too & reassurance), so if my daughters ever call out for me & need a cuddle to get back to sleep they can have them...

I never trained my babies to sleep, our first daughter slept through the night at 8 or 9 days of age & is still a great sleeper & loves her bed alot!!!
Our 6 month old still wakes up every now & then although I think she is teething... Your little girl will get her own sleeping pattern settled in her own time...

Your doing a marvellous job, now ignore the clocks & do what your comfortable with......

HTH...

[BellyBelly]

ms_fluffy - firstly, take a deep breath and relax

Please trust yourself as a mother - your baby is only seven weeks old. If you can imagine being in a nice, warm, tight cosy place for nine months then being in this great big bright open wide space, you'd freak out too. Especially when little babies are left on their own, they can easily become frightened. Their only way to communicate any emotion to us is by crying, so you can imagine them trying to communicate with us only to be left to cry - it's heartbreaking not just for baby but for mum too - it's survival instincts and hormones at work.

It's not spoiling your baby by picking her up or cuddling her. In fact, study has proven that babies that are picked up and / or are worn up develop into confident and independant individuals.

Try grabbing yourself 'Parenting by Heart' and '100 Ways to Calm the Crying' which are great books - must reads! Some great articles on the main site are:

Cuddle Me Mum
Babies and Sleep and
Babywearing - The Benefits

You might also like to read the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health's position statement on controlled crying and sleep training HERE.

Good luck - you are a great mum and you have all you need inside you! Listen to your heart, listen to your baby and that's all you'll need :flower:

[ms_fluffy]

hi everyone

thx so much for your responses and encouragement. i have just been following my gut but have been doubting myself as my methods seem so different to what is "recomended".

I've been reading the articles and other postings on this website and i think i have unknowingly adopted gentle parenting techniques. we sleep with our daughter despite the disa[pproval of my inlaws, other mums etc. I want to buy a sling...am currently weighing up btw a hug-a-bub and baby bjorn....i think the consensus is hug-a-bub....my only concern was that it's not as easy to use as the baby bjorn.

anyway, I better go. little bubby is crying.

thx againeveryone

[BellyBelly]

We often question ourselves or our parenting when things get difficult but if you follow your heart, how can you go wrong?!

I am not being biased, but I find most women love the Hug-A-Bub as it's MUCH more supportive on their backs. I stopped using the BB with Marisa when she was months old, but with Elijah, I still use the HAB every now and again and he's 18 months old and weighs heaps!!!

It is like tying a shoelace, seems daunting at first, but with practise it becomes second nature. A fully instructional DVD is included and you'll be surprised how quick you get it Plus it's easy to wash

[Angel]

Have to agree with the hug a bub being easy to use! Only took a couple of goes for me to get the hang of tying it and even DH knows how to tie it now. We love ours... first started using it within a week of being home from the hospital and Kynan still loves it (and falls asleep in it!) at 10+ months old.

[Tigergirl1980]

We aren't on any kind of schedule in this house, in the beginning I did and boy was that a mistake, it never worked and I was stressed because it wasn't working, so basically we just fly by the seat of our pants in this house. Jonah has set his times that he wants things and I wasn't really impressed with this because he was staying to 11, 12 and 1am. But he's ironed out all the wrinkles for himself and has been going to bed at 8:30. It's really amazing what kids can do.

[nellbe]

Well done on following your baby's cues ms_fluffy, I was going to direct to our Gentle Parenting forums, but it seems you have found them

I believe its all about nuturing and giving the baby love and support so they can grow and know how to love and support. We also cuddle Matthew when he needs it whether its 2pm or 2am! They are just bubs and can't tell the time! Go with your heart - it's what its all about.

I also have a hug-a-bub and they look a little tricky at first, they are sooo comfy for wearer and bubs - they are just fantastic.