Does anyone have a 4 or 5 year age gap between kids? What is it like?

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

Hello,

My DS is now nearly 2.5 years old. I see most mums around me now either pregnant, about to pop or with a second child since I have had DS. I have and am still struggling with PND and am on medication for it. I need to come off that before trying for another bub. I do want another one but definitely feel that the time is not right yet.

That leaves me with a 5 year age gap most probably and I think that I would be able to cope better with this and enjoy the next one more.

Can anyone tell me what the relationship is like between their two kids 4-5 years apart? Any tips or words of warning? Any comments will be great really. I'm feeling guilty that I'm not giving DS a sibling sooner and doing something out of the norm that most mums don't do but I am trying to do what works for me. We have also just bought a house and have a much bigger mortgage and financially it isn;t the best time either.

[Rach75]

my oldest 2 nephews are 4 years a 2mths apart they get on fantastic my hubby and his sister were about they same and for most of their lives they got on great bit different being different sex

[Arimeh]

My sister is nearly 5 years older than me, and from conversations with my mum, the only bad part of it was that I was never really allowed to play with her, because I was always too young, we were interested in different things etc - plus she would have to disturb my routine when she picked up my sister (and older brother) from school etc.

But having had 2 under 2 (and soon to be 3 under 3) I can see how a big age gap would be awesome!!! LOL

[Snacks]

Personally (in my limited experience, LOL!) I think it is more about personality than age as to whether your kids will get along.
I think you are doing a great thing by making sure you are really ready in yourself before having another one rather than just having another one at the wrong time because you think you should, KWIM? I have had so many moments of doubt both during pregnancy and after Phoebe was born, asking myself if I made a mistake by having them close together. We are getting by and things are getting easier but if circumstances had been different then I probably would've waited a bit longer.
Sometimes I think it'd be awesome if Natty was older and understood that I'd be able to give her more attention if she waited while I settled Phoebe to sleep... to have the older sibling able to understand that concept would be brilliant, LOL. And while hopefully my girls will be able to entertain themselves and play together before too long, there's no guarantee that they'll be into the same things anyway... they may have very different personalities.
Anyway, that was a long-winded way of saying I think you've made a great choice

[nic]

We have a little over a 8 year gap between our two, so a little bit more than what you are looking at, but thought i would still reply.. We have found that it was fantastic as we were able to involve DD a bit more, and she was obviously able to understand it as well. We got emails in each week, with what baby was growing or doing this week, which she loved to hear all about. We got the kaz Cooke book (name escapes me at the moment sorry!) mainly for DD to look it up for the measurements that ran along the pages and rough weight ideas for her too (One week we got a bag of microwave popcorn out to show her how 'heavy'the baby was that week)

She had a better understanding of why mum was feeling the way she was, we involved her in decorating DS's room, doing up her own list of names, picking out clothes etc...which being older i think she was able to not only appreciate, but made her feel more a part of it all.

Since he has been here, she absolutely adores him. Runs around with him everywhere, sits down and reads to DS, takes heaps of photo's, loves to help feeding him food, and bottle a couple of times when he was a bubba.
DH said to me yesterday, that having a big gap is cool...his words - we were able to devote ourselves solely to DD and now that DS is here, he has our full attention (in that we aren't having to monitor another little one)

I suspect in a couple of years time, as DD is entering her teens and DS is entering the phase where he knows he can annoy her, it will become a different story.... My mum is closest to her youngest brother who is about 13 years younger than her.

[mgm]

here's my experience:

the positive side: you can involve the older one in looking after the younger one (i always got DS to fetch nappies etc, and he invented special songs to sing to the baby when she cried). at 4 yrs they can actually be quite helpful! AND you only have one in nappies and one to put down for naps.

the negative side: once your baby is mobile, with a 4 year gap their interests are extremely different. for example, having a crawler and an older kid who wants to run around and play ball games can be hard. also my DS used to find it very frustrating when I had to sit and feed the baby, put her to sleep etc - but this would probably be even harder with a younger child who might be less easily distracted.

my two are quite sweet together now, but we went through a long period when my older child was very hostile toward the baby. we eventually turned this around but it took a lot of extra attention and affection before he really accepted her and understood that he was still special and loved just as much as before.

so, pros and cons! but to me the BIGGEST positive is that with the bigger age gap you're able to give heaps of one-on-one time to each child in their early infancy, when they need it most. my ds will be at school next year, and while i'll miss having him at home, i'm looking forward to lots of fun and adventures with my little girl.

best wishes with recovering from PND. i think waiting til the time feels right is an excellent idea, and don't be too worried about the age gap! all will be well .

[tan32]

hi i have a nearly 11 yr old a 6yr old and a 15 month old.

we didnt plan it this way its just natures timing.

I must say I do like it, my eldest loves to help out with the boys. The older two are at school and i get to spend the day with bub on my own. It also gives the older two a break from each other and bub. When they come home from school they love to play with him and each other. I find my kids tend to get along very well with each other. We have one rule though, all small toys must be played with in your room or away from Lachlan.

[TeniBear]

My brothers and I have a 5 year gap between the three of us - We're all fairly close and it seemed to work pretty well with my mum. Mum got pregnant the year I was in Prep, so I was at school and she didn't have to worry about me when my brother was a baby. Then the same happened when said brother was in kinder.

I'm much closer to my middle brother than the younger one, but that could just be personality clash (we're fairly similar in our stubborness and short temper but not really much else)