Help! Disciplining a brat!

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi All,
Desperately need your help and experiences. DD 19mths have decided if she cannot get what she wants she will screech and then cry until she vomits.

This happens nearly every 5 minutes, then once she gets it she stops crying immediately.

We have tried the going down to her level and telling her no in a nice calm voice but seriously, its not working!

I have tried naughty corner. She stands there but continues to cry ....

Distraction sometimes works

We have tried slapping her on the hand (i know some parents dont condone this) but still it doesnt work although she does shut up when DH says he will slap her on the hand again and he doesnt have to do it but i dont want to go down this path (ie scared of being slapped).

What do you do to discipline a brat that has worked for you?

Thank you all!

[Junglemum]

I don't think she is being a brat at all, just being 19 months. I found it a pretty challenging time with my DD. It is the age where they are beginning to figure out they have a bit of control over their lives.
I highly recommend you have a read of Pinky's "Toddler Tactics". Just understanding why she is behaving like that makes things easier, and i found it gave me more patience.

I use distraction A LOT! It doesn't always work but seems to be most effective at this age.
The other thing i find important is consistency. It is the beginning of a challenging age and we're only half way through, but i have found things a bit easier in the last couple of weeks.

[Janie]

I agree with Falguni, she doesn't sound like a brat, just a normal toddler . I too found that when my DS was that age it was quite tough. By about 21 months things were a little better, and they improved ALOT after he turned 2. I have also found 'Toddler Tactics' to be a helpful book, just in understanding why he behaves in certain ways.

Distraction is definitely the ticket here!!!! And yes, I completely agree that consistency is really important. It can be hard some days, but it is certainly worthwhile.

[BellyBelly]

I agree with what Falguni has said... and a great idea to get pinky's toddler tactics, and/or what used to be called the science of parenting, 'what every parent needs to know' by margot sunderland. Loads of sections on behaviour and useful tools. And they will both explain that your little one has a very underdeveloped brain (only been on the planet less than 2 years!) which is developing all the time. Your child doesn't know how to deal with storms of emotions (just like we feel as adults, just not as much!) and it's your job to help them deal with it, teach them how to calm themselves down - or you can end up with angry bigger people. Helping them to calm their storms and knowing you are there for them is so important, it is just very challenging on our side, but if you read all about it, it's easier to get your head around it and be patient when you understand what they are going through, tips to help etc.

[~clover~]

DS is similar, but not as bad. If its another child who has what he's got, he might bite. TBH I usually say no & walk away. Soon as I do he forgets about what he wants & comes running after me, more worried that I'm walking away & we have a cuddle instead.
He might start on about it again, but I'll say no again & use something else to distract if possible. If thats hard, I'll put him in the shower, or on his bike that he's obsessed with
Its hard, but it does get easier.

[~clover~]

DS is similar, but not as bad. If its another child who has what he's got, he might bite though.
TBH I usually say no & walk away. Soon as I do he forgets about what he wants & comes running after me, more worried that I'm walking away & we have a cuddle instead.
He might start on about it again, but I'll say no again & use something else to distract if possible. If thats hard, I'll put him in the shower, or on his bike that he's obsessed with
Its hard, but it does get easier.

[BellyBelly]

The problem with walking away and leaving a child in this state or in a tantrum is that you can unintentionally leave them feeling abandoned or even growing up with abandonment issues (these are formed very early in life so it's not as crazy as it sounds). They can't get their head around why they feel the way they do, and they need help to manage it. I've found Parent Effectiveness Training to be brilliant for problem solving with children, it makes so much sense and is so simple. It's a face to face course, and you can also get the book (its in the BB online store). These early years are so important, you don't get another chance at it, and you don't have another chance at rewiring those little brains. For me PET is one of those things you wish you knew about before you had kids, I'd do alot differently. But for now, it's working so well fighting fires and I'm finding out the real problem under the nero tantrums (as margot sunderland calls them . We have very few now, it's a really happy home.

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi All,

hehe okay so Brat might have been too mean, sorry DD. I understand it is normal and I have the book "what every parent knows" hence why i decided to use the "going on the same level and talking to her calmly tactic" but man, sometimes I just lose my patience!

ARGHH

I dont want to be an angry mum but seriously she is pushing me towards that end.

Thanks for the tip about Toddler Tactics, I will see if they have a copy of it in our library.

Also, has anyone else have a vomitty toddler (ie cries and makes herself vomit) and how do you stop them from doing that, ie teaching them that trying to make themselves vomit is not right?

thanks all!!!

[BellyBelly]

My daughter did that too. When she was at that point she was really stressed and her needs weren't being met. One example is being home after a friends visit, she was tired but also hungry, and we were hell bent on getting her to bed and not eating before bed, she worked herself up to epic proportions. Under all the tantrums and vomiting, she was really hungry and I was so stressed out about being a good mum and having specific food times especially because she was a fussy eater. But eating is a need a child has and I was battling that. I think if you make some changes to how you do some things, that will change... I really, really, really recommend PET. It's ideal for parents who are sick of being angry or don't want to be, I know it's hugely helped with that - I am so much calmer, I can't rate it highly enough. PET should be compulsory learning for every parent, I am that much of a fan... and it takes alot for me to be this passionate about something!!!

When children have low blood sugars they can go a bit nuts... happens to grown ups too. There is an article by Pinky in the toddler section about this, and tantrums in general...