DS won't go to his father!!!

[lilprecious75]

HELP!!
DS seems to not want to go to his father and it is absolutely breaking DH's heart and I don't know what to do to fix it.

With all the family around for Christmas DS goes running to his uncles and his grandfather but flatly refuses to be held by his father.

Is this just a phase he is going through or have we somehow created this problem?

Any thoughts, comments, suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

DH is very hands-on and has been since day one - helps with feeding, nappies, bedtime and the like. But he is also very busy running his own business and so I know he doesn't spend as much "down" time with DS as he could/would if he were working set hours.

DS was 10 months old on the 13th!

Thanks in advance for the help!!!

[Pandora]

It will probably go away.
Milo does it on and off with different people.

I also remember this lady I used to work with coming into to work one day all upset because her daughter was doing it to her (I think she was 2 or 3 yearsold). She'd wake up and night, and when this lady went into her room to comfort her she got "no I don't want you I want daddy!" and it went on for a week or 2 I think.

[C~Q]

It happened with our DS and DH too. It will pass, they just have to spend as much time together as possible. I know how you feel though - it's heartbreaking but it will pass.

[BellyBelly]

It's quite common and separation anxiety (with mum or whoever) peaks at around 18 months. It is hard, both my two are clingy with me and sometimes I wish they would just go to dad, but reasure him it does get better. The day I saw my son turn to my DH and ask him for a cuddle just before 2 years of age was such a relief for both of us!!! He still wants mummy most of the time, but if you read 'Raising Boys' which is a great book for you both to read, they really start to hang out with daddy more at about 4 years and less with mummy - it's when they get a huge testosterone boost. Great book

[lilprecious75]

Thanks guys!
I have tried to reassure DH and he was even able to say that he is trying to tell himself that it isn't a big deal but it is breaking his heart and it is so hard for me to watch.

The hardest thing I think is that DS is choosing not so much to go to me, but rather to go to other male family members (uncles, grandfather, cousins) whom he sees even less then his father - rather than spend time with his father.

He is a curious, active little boy and so is often looking all around the room at things rather than people sometimes and that frustrates DH as well - especially when he wants DS to look at him and acknowledge him.

I hope and pray that it passes soon as my DH has enough other issues on his plate right now without this too. He hurt his back and his elbow and he is having stress/issues with his business and I'm just at a loss as to what to do to help him.

Add to the fact that my MIL has been staying with us for 2 weeks and we have had little or no privacy and things are just really building up for him I think.

[BellyBelly]

Give him a copy of Raising Boys (Steve Biddulph) to read, there is a special section for dads and covers major age groups of development. It will help him understand why!

[lilprecious75]

Thanks again -
I have the Steve Biddulph book - I read it before we had kids and again when I was pregnant, so perhaps I should be reading it again. I'll read it myself and then read outloud the parts that will help out DH!

[lilprecious75]

Hi -
Have started reading "Raising Boys" again and I totally understand and agree with what he says about the baby wanting/needing mostly mummy in the first few years. But it doesn't explain to DH and I why our son will go to other male members of the family over my DH or even me sometimes.
The only thing we can think of is that it is the beard my husband has grown over the past few days. Perhaps that is just too much of a change for DS and we'll have to see if shaving it will make a difference. I'm still going to finish reading "Raising Boys" though. Thanks for all the comments and I'll keep everyone posted.