How do I get him to self-settle?

[BellyBelly]

Moving to general baby discussion

[luua]

Its a tough one but i think now he's over 6 months he will learn new sleep cues quickly. They are very clever at picking up new associations eg. spoon, food, not opening mouth.

With Ella I did her sleep training early at 3months. She was a rocking singing patting bouncing baby. And she also had a wrap and a dummy. So sleep was a complex set of actions. I didnt want to do control crying so i slowly removed one thing at a time to reduce the impact and distress on her. I stopped singing and bouncing and just had patting & rocking for a few days. Then we would do it a little until she was drowsy and put her in her cot where she would cry and i'd pick her up and do it again and again...until she slept with just a little rock and pat. Eventually she needed less of that and she then associated sleep with the wrapping and dummy and a kiss and cuddle. (this took ohhh about 1 month).

Its not a quick solution but in the end i'm happier that we did that than a week of CC. But its up to you really. The important thing to remember is to start doing it when you notice their tired signs and I think what ever method you choose you have to really stick with it even if it feels like some days its not working...

Now we're slowly trying to get rid of the wrap. She's been wrapped with one arm out for the last few weeks and next week i'll have both arms out so she will slowly get use to it. Seems to be working fine so far

Good luck!

[julesr]

Thanks luua - nice to know that the kind of approach I have in mind (slowly easing off on the bouncing and music etc) has actually worked for someone else.

Dach - yup, I read the Tizzie threads closely. On first flick through I wasn't keen on her approach so her book is sitting pristinely on the shelf. She did have a couple of points that I thought were worth consideration however eg making sure the baby is warm enough. My DS is a "hot" baby so I'm never quite sure when to increase his layers now that it's getting chillier down here in Melbourne.

When we bounce him he often kicks up a bit of a fuss - but we know that's just an "I don't wanna go to bed" whinge so I don't have a problem with that kind of protesting cry - it usually only takes 5 minutes to bounce him off to sleep (I know this because I can see the readout on the CD player LOL).

When I first had my DS I read quite a few books - I've never had much to do with babies and both mine and DH's family aren't in Melbourne so I was very much on my own. As time goes on I'm so much more comfortable with going with my instinct and those of you who said that I'm the only one who knows my baby are so right. He's my little individual, adorable scrap of humanity and mummy knows best!

I'm not sure leaving him in his cot to protest will actually work. He has a musical mobile and he knows how to turn it on. I can't bring myself to get rid of it because he loves it so much. I never know whether to laugh or not when I hear the mobile go on at 3.00am - it's like his room service bell!

[ShootingStar]

When Jesse started getting heavy i would hold him and rock back and forth in his room with his music playing, in the dark. After that worked for a while, i started putting him in his cot just before he fell asleep in my arms so that he would fall asleep in the cot. After that worked for a while, id put him in the cot (all the time music playing) and stand in his room.. if he became unsettled id go over and pat him, until he fell asleep. Now i can just go and put him in bed, turn the music on and walk out. He sometimes talks and rolls around and whatever but will put himself to sleep within 10 minutes or so. I might have to go back in to put his dummy back in but i leave again. I havent had to rock him to sleep for about 4 months now. Works during the day now too.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Routines work - DS will go to sleep with his lullaby now, no matter where we are (car, pram...) well, unless it's bedtime. Then he fights it. But he's still asleep within a few minutes of jigging and singing. I have been putting him into his bed as soon as he closes his eyes now, then picking him up because he screams, then back down again, all singing his lullaby. He only needs one pick-up now! It's time-consuming to train this, but I want him to be put in his bed and have his lullaby until he goes to sleep (he has managed this at night twice) because he's big and my back hurts even without carrying him all night. Sometimes he does refuse to sleep and I have to just feed him to sleep, but that's rarer and rarer now. Other nights he just refuses to sleep at all, but that isn't that common.

But this is a baby who would never self-settle or go into his cot awake and just go to sleep. He can now wake up and close his eyes and go back to sleep during a nap! I am also able to cut down his lullaby from 5 minutes long to just 2 minutes long now, even better! (This has taken 6 weeks to do, but we had a nasty accident at 9w and a few routine changes during the course of this, like a change of lullabies and change of bathtime location.)

[julesr]

Yeah Ryn, I'm a big believer in routines. And you're right...what it boils down to is just a change in his routine.

I guess I've just been hoping that he would magically do it on his own - he managed to learn to settle himself back off to sleep instead of waking up every 40 minutes, and he can sometimes go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. I hoped if we hung in there long enough he might take the next step by himself as well, but imminent daycare is now forcing the issue.

Now I just have to motivate myself to do this. Trouble is that it is so EASY to just bounce him or feed him off to sleep, only takes a few minutes and it's such a relief after the terrible times we had with getting him off to sleep when he was tiny, with his eczema and him being so badly affected by my diet that he couldn't settle (NO caffeine, NO chocolate, NO sugar etc). I really questioned whether routines would work but when I threw the routine out the window for a few days it got even worse. I'm so glad I persevered.

Time to find the mental fortitude to persevere again...

Thank you all for your input!