Take this with a (LARGE) pinch of salt, because I haven't got a 3 year old lol

Have you tried giving her a choice where possible? ie she has to wear shoes so you offer her two pairs and she chooses one of those, it gives her a bit of control over the situation but in the end you get the result you want.

other than that it can be so so tiring (I used to work with 3 year olds, but never had to deal with anything like your describing, usually only one or two tanties a day. lol)