I need to vent...

Oh my gawd, except for the age thing, I could have sworn this was something I wrote 9 months ago... My DS was exactly like your little man...NON STOP screaming and I was so tired & cranky from basically no sleep (I was counting hours back then and I'd get maybe 3 hours in total per 24 hours). I couldn't put him down or do anything but hold him in the rocking chair...it was the only place he'd stop screaming for a few minutes...I even fell asleep with him on the boob (the only time he was quiet) a few times while sitting there.

My DS has reflux and had colic too...he was a shocker and everything you've said was what we went through. My DH would come home to find the both of us screaming & in tears almost every night. I also wanted to run away sometimes and I also screamed at DS to stop crying (not that he did of course).

We don't have any family near by (at least 3 hours drive from us) so we were basically stuck doing it all ourselves. No one understood and no one wanted to be around us and I couldn't possibly take DS out because he'd scream so much.

Everyone told me that it would get better at 6 weeks, then at 12 weeks, then 16 weeks etc... Blah, don't believe them...all babies are different! For us it finally got better around 6 - 7 months. DS still has really bad reflux (we tried taking him off the Losec but all the horrible symptoms came back) but at least now he's happy and sleeps! :) I never thought it would happen... Those first 5 or so months of his life were sheer h*ll for me and no one else (except those with similar babies) understands what it was like.

Anyway, enough of my babble...I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone and that it is REALLY hard but it will get better at some stage. I don't know how but we managed to get through it (but I can't imagine ever having to do it again & while others are talking about 2nd babies I'm still too scared to even think about that).

If you want to vent more, feel free to send me a message...I'm more than happy to try to help out someone else with the same problems as I had. The girls in BB are fantastic...I think they got me through an awful lot in those early days.

Good luck!!!!! I promise that it will get better, I just can't promise when...

(sorry for the novel!)

Oh sweetheart :hug: I could have written your post myself. It is so, so hard coping with a baby that cries/screams all day. Really hard. And you have thoughts that you never thought you would have, and that you're convinced no-one else in the world has ever thought about their baby.

My son, Jambin, was unsettled from birth. I had a friend who gave birth 2 weeks before I did - when I went to visit her in the hospital, she passed her daughter around for cuddles, and her daughter stayed asleep the whole time, or was happy to sit there in other people's arms. Jambin just wasn't like that - he didn't like being passed around, woke up the very second we touched him, needed constant settling and soothing. I had expected a newborn baby to sleep a lot - but Jambin didn't. People had told me to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' .... well, Jambin didn't sleep during the day, except for 5 mins here and there in my arms, so sleeping when he slept was out of the question.

By the time he was 5 weeks old, he started screaming for hours and hours and hours on end. One day, he screamed for 12 hours continuously. I was totally distraught. I honestly believed that I couldn't cope - DH asked me what did I mean by that ... what other option did I have? And I don't know what I thought the alternative was, but I honestly thought that I couldn't survive. I could not perceive of a future where I would be enjoying my son. My whole world was consumed with a screaming, unsettled, unhappy infant. Before Jambin was born, I had anticipated that he would cry ... but I never anticipated that he would cry every single waking moment. I never anticipated that he would never have any happy, awake time. I spent weeks crying, screaming. I was so depressed. I was so panicked at the thought that this was my life now. I would text my DH and say to him 'this is the biggest mistake of my life. You have to make this go away'. I tried to think of ways to fix the problem ... I thought maybe we could adopt him out, and I could go back to being childless. I went through fertility treatment including IVF to conceive my son, so the fact that I was contemplating adopting him to another family shows how bad things got.

Having him diagnosed with reflux was the start of things improving. His medication helped. It hasn't solved the problem entirely, but it has helped. Keep going back to your Dr if the losec isn't working. They might increase the dosage, or try something else.

HANG IN THERE! I know it seems like you can't possibly keep going for another day, let alone months, but don't think that far ahead. Just make it your goal to cope with one day at a time. Structure your day. Even if he cries, it's so important that you're not stuck in one room all day listening to his cries. Go for a walk, visit a friend, go and sit in your garden, go to the corner store to buy milk, put him in the bouncinette and do laundry, have a bath with him, play music and sing to him, read him stories. Even if he's crying, at least you have gotten some variety. I found it so important to structure my days. I made sure I had something outside of the house planned for every single day (and I still do this ... it's my way of coping). It didn't matter if he cried - the crying seems to be so much worse if you stay in the same room all day with him with no other stimulation. I also found that my son cried less out in shopping centres - it seemed that the stimulation of looking at things and the car trip soothed him. I visited friends with babies - even if he cried I found that I was more relaxed (or I had to pretend that I was relaxed, as I was with friends, and in the pretending, it helped me to feel more relaxed).

When the MCHN asked me how I was going, I didn't preface my statement with 'oh, not too bad'. I said 'I am not coping. I need help.'

I started taking anti-depressants 3 weeks ago, and I think it's only been the last 1-2 weeks where I can honestly say that I enjoy my son, I enjoy having him around, I like being with him. Before now, I just wanted to cope. I promise you it does get better. But I know it probably doesn't seem like it at the moment. Please keep coming back here and posting ... tell us how you're getting on ... vent ... I understand :hug:

Aniejade, these lovely ladies have said it all better than I could, but I just wanted to give you an online :hug:
Over the first few months of her life, I have scared myself with how frustrated I've been with my baby - particularly when she won't go to sleep - and she didn't have colic! I totally understand not wanting to go out or ask for help... Natalie is a homebody, always has been, and when we go out (though it is so much better now) even to visit family, people say things in reference to her being a crybaby. It makes you very reluctant to ask for help, I know. And I also understand that it is so difficult to relax when someone else is looking after them, so it doesn't seem worth it.
I believe Natalie and I are through the hardest months, and we are finally enjoying each other. You too will get to that point, but until then: talk, talk, talk about things. Come on here every chance you get and stay connected. (Even if you have to type one-handed while dancing around the room with your DS ;) ) Big hugs to you.

Hi, Aniejade,

I can tell you, from my own experience and from working with many mothers that there's not a mother alive who doesn't at one time gaze into her crying baby's screwed up little eyes and thing "what the hell have I done?" I was 29 when I had my first, but nothing prepares you for the first weeks with your newborn. The first 6 -12 weeks are hell. You are doing a fabulous job for just hanging in. Babies need *such* a lot of care, breastfed or bottlefed, colic or not. They are designed to be with mum *all the time* They may not know how to even get themselves to sleep - and adjustment to *our* world is often difficult and stressful for them as well. I went back to work when Zac (now 14 - they do survive) was 6 weeks old. I can't tell you how glad I was to get away from him. Not to mention the time I threw the bottle and the baby at my dh and said "just sort it out for yourself! He's weaned - I'm going out" I drove round and round, but eventually came home, picked up the pieces and started over. It passes. If you are breastfeeding, stick with it - you'll be glad you did. I found one organisation, above all, to be supportive and non-judgemental, and that was the Australian Breastfeeding Association. They have a great group in Rockhampton. It doesn't matter whether you are breastfeeding or bottlefeeding - follow the link in my sig to find a group.
Never doubt that you are doing a great job as a mother - you are! It's tough. We have all been there, and are walking with you
Warm Regards
Barb

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! Everyones comments are so beautiful and i appreciate them so much. Last night was a really bad night...at 3am i was just about to jump in the car, leave my hubby with the baby and drive somewhere and sleep!
One of the other hardest parts about it is that MY mother lives 5hrs away so i can't just drop him over whenever i need to :( All my family is down the coast... My hubbies mum is just around the corner...but she's the type that always sighs if she's asked to do anything. Plus she smokes...outside the house...but still...i don't like him being around there too often.
For those who put their young coliky baby in daycare...how did that go? Just for my sanity i am thinking of putting him into daycare but only once a fortnight. But then again i stress that the staff there wont be able to look after him properly (as im sure all other mothers stress about this too).

Caro - Yes, he was diagnosed with reflux...but it's not a severe case or anything. He vomits constantly...but it doesn't seem to hurt him too badly...he's only on 5ml of the Losec.

Aniejade big :hugs: for you... I know how hard it is to cope with a colicky / reflux baby with no family to help. My mum died 4 years ago and I sometimes wish I could call her and just ask what the hell she did to cope with .... especially with 5 kids under 7. My other family are scattered, my sister is in Sydney and my mil is in Sydney too. It is so hard to ask friends to help out without feeling like a burden or a sponge, and it is the added stress that the baby isn't a "perfect" baby.
I hear you and am feeling for you - have been there and still go there even after 9 months!

Aniejade,
I tried the daymother first. She took care of Lelani for one month, wrote me a letter telling me that she can't cope and I need to find her an other place to stay. I was livid, I did not take her back the next day. What irked me the most was that the woman could not tell me to my face!!!!. I took two days leave and stayed home to watch her. Lucky for me it was coming up on school holiday and my mum could look after her for a week. Me and DH went to the daycare centre and it looked good. We only had to wait a week and I took her. The first day I told the princepal that she is a colic-baby and the woman told me: That is my problem, not yours. I was so relieved! I never had any complaints about her, and she is doing MUCH better that at the daymother. And yes I thought that they could not take care like I could and I cried for two days!! She is over the colic now. She gets her bath at 6pm, then a feed and then straight to bed. Sleeps till 11 for night feed and then straight through till 7am!! I am blessed. I deserve it after the first four months!!!
That is something you can look forward to, sometime your bub is going to get better, and then its bliss. Stay strong!!