Mum's of fussy eaters - Please, I need your help!!

[KatieRabbit]

Why don't you work on one meal at a time ie let him have his toast for bekkie and whatever he likes for lunch and then, as others have suggested, try to slightly vary what he does like for dinner. In saying that, I find DD too tired at night to muck around with introducing new food at dinner so her main meal of the day is at lunch after her sleep and then something lighter for dinner- beans, cheesy toast, yog etc
I really wonder how much milk he is having during the day as it is a food in itself in terms of being filling? What amount would he have in mls each day?
I also have given u torturing myself (for now) in spending time creating dishes for DD that she may not eat, esp ones that are time consuming or fiddly. For now, I stick to the range of what she will eat and try to broaden it every now and then. Will DS eat anything off your plate?
Also, my DD has never eaten any red meat and is perfectly healthy. I have even had her iron levels checked as my GP's insistence and they were completely normal.

[Madissun]

Oh KatieRabbit i agree! I have spent sooooo much money and time on making toddler meals from recipe books, only to have Toby not have a bar of them and have to throw it all out! It can get so frustrating!

[~*Niadalla*~]

Wow! Thank you so much everyone for your replies!

Well last night, DS did end up in bed with no food. I felt absolutely horrid, but he slept all night no worries and didn't wake any earlier than normal which was good.
Wehn he got up this morning, he had some weetbix (first time in about 8 months) and DH also gave him half a sippy cup of milk, but only after he had eaten 1/2 of his bowl of weetbix(he ate them dry). He ended up eating the whole lot no worries.
As for the table thing, We are going to eat all together every night from now on. The only reason we haven't is because we have a massive old homestead, that is absolutely FREEZING in winter and no heating in the kitchen (where our table is). I might try and get a small heater to at least warm the room up a bit at nighttimes.

Oh the amount of milk he was drinking, was about 2 full sippy cups per day. That has now been cut out and he will live on water and maybe half a cup of milk each day to start with after he's eaten a meal.

I would LOVE for him to have ONE fruit that he likes. He refuses any fruits. Same with vegies, and he won't touch rice or pasta. He will have things like different flavoured jams, but the sugar content worries me.
If I could get him to eat one or two types of fruit and vegies, I'd be alot happier.
I think I will persist with only offering him what's on his plate and if he doesn't eat it, then he doesn't get anything else. If he at least eats on meal per day, he is getting something into him. If it goes on for more than a couple of days, I may have to reasses and attempt just trying it once a day, but the little guy is super crafty, and I think he'll cotton on pretty quickly that he can skip the one meal per day that he gets offered the 'yuck' stuff.

I am trying to stay very calm. Give him his space. Tell him that his food is yummy, make 'mmm' noises when I eat mine on the odd occasion, and just let him watch. I couldn't ever try and force him to eat and I don't want him to have a negative association with food and eating, as that could have dire consequences. Hubs gets a little worried and tells him to eat, but I tell hubs that if he doesn't eat, then he misses out and that DS isn't wasting away anytime soon.

Gosh I hope I'm doing the right thing!!! I feel horrid, but if I don't stand my ground with him, he will manipulate me. He's a very switched on little boy.

At least he ate weetbix this morning. That's a sight I haven't seen in a long time and it's something completely different to normal.

Thanks again everyone for the advice. I would love to keep swapping notes with people on what you are/have been doing. I can tell this is going to be a bit of a struggle for me.

Thanks so much!!

[~*Niadalla*~]

Ok so last night was ok. I made a roast chicken with roast potato, carrot and parsnip mash and gravy. He's never really liked sauce or gravy of any type.
Anyway, he ate the potatoes. He's never even tried them before, but he grabbed hubby's and mine off our plates and ate them. He wouldn't try the chicken or the mash though. He did eat the potatoes with gravy on them which is a first!! So that's a VERY SMALL win.
I gave him weetbix this morning with milk (as he has been eating them dry the last 2 days) and he had one or 2 spoonfuls or them, but then decided they were no good. He chucked a huge wobbly, and didn't touch them again. I am trying my hardest not to ask him to eat it, and to let him go. I am not getting upset at him at all though... that's one thing I refuse to do. I don't want him having that negative association.

So he's gone to bed now for his day sleep with 2-3 bites of weetbix and half a cup of water. He asked for milk, I told him there was milk in his bowl, and he just made a 'humph' noise and walked away.

Am I doing the right thing? How much longer should I keep this up? I worry that he will fade to nothing in a few days time!! He woke twice last night, and the only reason I can think of for that is because he was hungry.

[KatieRabbit]

He did eat the potatoes with gravy on them which is a first!! So that's a VERY SMALL win

No- that's a VERY BIG win. That's great that he is trying. even if it is only one thing a day or every couple of days is really good going.
I am wondering whether it is worthwhile giving him the food that he does enjoy and let him fill up on that as well as slowly introducing new stuff? For eg, give him say one weetbix with milk for brekkie and then a slice of wholemeal toast and say half a banana at the same time and let him choose what and how much he eats. So he has something familiar that he knows and something new that you want him to try.
I am personally not for the child going hungry as I think it becomes a bigger issue more than a food one and apower play between parent and child and I wouldn't like to wake hungry in the night myself.
I think you are doing a great job and taking it slowly will help. Great to reduce the milk as after a few days he will prob get a bit more of an appetite if he knows there is little milk coming. My DD eats best when she has a smallish amount of a few things rather than one food for a meal eg at dinnertime (her 'lunch' type food!!) she will have an egg, half a piece of toast and a few spoonfuls of yoghurt rather than one big bowl of anything. Keep up with what you are doing and make is pleasant for both of you and manageable long term. If you are not comfy with him going to bed w/out food, you don't have to do it without 'giving' in.

[MantaRay]

N, that's great news that you have had some wins. It really is a great start to be seeing that change already.

If it is concerning you that he is not eating enough, you could try giving him pentavite drops - these will provide him with some vitamins and minerals and often they also stimulate the appetite. It's also ok to give him one or two things he likes in a day (not too much to fill him up though), if you want to do that. It's best not to do it after he has refused something else, but it's ok to offer him a slice of bread with hommus (for example) as one of his meals.

You might also like to try "hiding" vegies for him in things he'll eat. I put pureed brocolli in the egg when I crumb chicken and the boys love the "magic skin". It's a good idea to put vegies on his plate as well, but at least this way he is eating a vegie without knowing it.

I totally agree with your "no stress" approach. It is incredibly hard to do, but you are right that it is important not to show him how much you want him to eat. You are doing a great job hun, you really are. I am sure that you are going to keep having progress.

[Junglemum]

N- thanks for posting this thread.
i too have taken some advice and wouldn't let her have cheese, potato or pasta unless she at least tried what i made. Last night i made rissoles with star shaped carrot/pumpkin mash. She ate about a teaspoon, then pushed it around, but at least she tried it. Tonight i made savoury mince with lots of veg. She wanted cheese. I said no cheese unless you try one spoonfull. Well she had a spoonful, liked it so much she polished the bowl off! So i gave her some cheese. So thanks for giving me new ideas in regards to food.

[MantaRay]

Woo hoo Falguni, that is a huge win also! Well done!

[~*Niadalla*~]

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just want to SNAP! I am staying nice and calm and not giong on about him eating, but what I really want to do is hold the poor kid down and stick the food in his mouth!!!!!!!!! ( I woudl NEVER do that though ).
I am sooooooo frustrated! it's been a week, and apart from the roast potatoes the other night, NOTHING. He won't even eat plain pasta! I tried putting shredded cheese on it. NOPE. He screams, cries his eyes out and throws himself on the floor. I am trying to ignore this and not yell or get angry/upset with him... but this is REALLY testing me.

He won't even try shredded cheese, but he'll eat the exact same cheese sliced straight off the block.
What is with is?

Please someone tell me your child was this bad and it stopped. It's been one week and I am already nearing the end of my tether

[KatieRabbit]

Is it that he won't try anything new that is annoying you? What has been 'one week'?? What exactly is your DS eating- can you tell us break, lunch, dinner, snacks and milk that he had say today and yesterday? You sound really frustrated and I am trying to picture what he will eat. By the way DD would only ever eat cheese melted and not the exact same stuff not melted till one day she tried it and now eats it any old way..

[Madissun]

I hear you Niadla Toby ate Savoys for breakfast this morning. He wouldn't eat anything else

[MantaRay]

That sounds so frustrating

DS1 was similar to that hun, I remember how hard it was at the time. It did take longer than a week, but he did get better and now he really is a fantastic eater. The difference is he is now 4 and eats vegies, meat, pretty much everything we do. He still only eats 3 or 4 types of fruit but he'll eat at least one piece a day and I alternate the types of fruits I have so he gets some variety that way. He does like a sandwich for lunch, so he nearly always has that and he knows that means he doesn't get bread at other meals and is ok with that. As I said, he eats most things now.

One of the most amazing things I found with DS1 was with salad. It was the one thing he refused to try more than anything. I kept offering whenever we had salad and he continued to have no interest. I must have offered at least 80 times! Then one night he asked for salad, ate it, and asked for more . It has been one of his favourites ever since! So there is hope!!

Hang in there hun

[Snacks]

Nicky, I feel your pain! You are stronger than me. I can't bear Natty when she's hungry - her behaviour is dreadful.
One thing I know about her is that texture is important. She wont eat her cheerios at breakfast if they are soggy. (In reading your post about the weetbix with milk, perhaps your DS is the same about soggy cereal? Can you just serve it dry?)
I have been including new fruits or veges on Natty's plate at dinner time every night. But usually I put something on the plate that she'll eat. If she only eats that small portion of dinner, fine. But there's no more, so if she's still hungry she has to try something else. This has worked one or two times, never with veges but it has with fruit. She'll now eat pineapple and orange, and she has tasted beetroot once or twice (but doesn't always eat it). She used to flat out refuse to try new stuff, but now she will at least put a bit in her mouth. As long as I be careful in how I react I'm hoping this will lead to her eating it as well as trying it.
Natty eats corn on the cob - it is sweet and fibrous and fun to eat. That's about the only vegetable she'll eat.
Hang in there. I will look forward to hearing how you get on.

[~*Niadalla*~]

Just thought I'd update and see how others are getting on.
Epic FAIL here. I gave up after a few days. It was far too stressful to continue whe I had a newborn to look after. DS is happy and healthy, perfect weight for his age, so I figured he can't be going to bed.
We have had some luck introducing fruity yoghurts which is good. He's still a big fan of his hommus on multigrain, and all his dairy.
He received some plastic play food for his birthday late July, and can name everything he has. It has peaked his interest a little and he looks as if he is nearly ready to try something new.
My plan with DD when she starts solids, is to do BLS. I did the mush with DS, so thought I'd try something different with DD and see how it goes. I am going to be super strict with DD's meals, especially with well meaning grandparents who like to slip in lots of treats.

Thanks for all of your advice. I am sure I will pop back and check this thread again soon.
How is everyone else going?

[mrscricket]

Great idea to check back Nicky! well things are better here - not so much in that he has suddenly become a good eater (I wish ) - I've just stopped stressing so much since realising lots of other mum's are going through the same thing!

We are making a big effort to eat dinner together and that's been going well. It feels like I don't stress so much since I am also focused on eating myself rather than solely on what's going into DS's mouth. He loves meat so I've been giving him half of whatever is on offer, and once he's scoffed that, he has to atleast try some of the things on his plate before having more meat. This way we discovered he loves beens (little trees) and will at least try some carrot.

I also letting him help with dinner - I chop, he puts things into the saucepan and he's actually been eating bits of raw pumpkin and slices of zucchini which is a big step for him! Our local fruit shop also has those little kids trolley's so we've been shopping there and he's been putting things in the trolley and is excited when he sees the things he picked out on the bench to be cut up for tea.

I've also accepted there is just things he plain does not like - he hates pasta and also hates anything tomato based. I think I wasn't allowing him to have likes and dislikes - all I wanted him to do was eat his tea! Mum said I was a fussy kid and now I love heaps of things so hopefully one day he'll be the same (and if not, a least he'll move out one day ).

During the day I've been giving him lots of friut to try and he seems more receptive to that. And hiding lots of stuff! Muffins with carrot and zucchini etc.

I was given a copy of a book called 'More Peas Please" (the joys of working in a bookshop!). I have only flicked so far and it is seems really good - it explains the different types of fussy eaters. I also live by the sentence in Toddler Taming that it takes the average person 68 days to die from a hunger strike...

[Talia*L]

Oh you are all doing amazing jobs!

They do grow out of it! My sister was the worst, barely ate anything, would scream, and to make things worse, was TINY and the doctors had her on formula as a drink until she was 4 (bf until 1.5)!

Sure, she's not an adventurous eater now, BUT she is 8, and healthy, and active, and does slowly add new things to her diet - she now eats really rare roast lamb with loads of rosemary! Where she used to HATE any meat, particularly bloody!

I guess what I am saying is that, very rarely will a fussy little toddler turn into a malnourished child / adult who only eats corn and pasta! They grow up And TBH, I kinda miss the fussy little thing, screwing up her face awww!

[Madissun]

Still struggling here... Although im not worrying about it anymore! Still trying new things eg. tonight was Vege Couscous. He put it on his fork, smelt it, touched it with his tongue then pushed the bowl and said "Dont want it". So he had 2 bananas and yoghurt instead

I'll still keep trying new things, he'll eventually start to get the idea!