Is "no-sibling guilt" enough reason for #2?

[amberj]

I adore DS to absolute pieces, but for a lot of reasons am not sure I want another. There isn't need to go into them here, save to say that I know there would be some big difficulties for me personally and us as a family to overcome with a second.

And yet, I feel so terrible about not providing DS with a sibling. The other day I was at a play centre and these two sisters were playing together- the younger was about DS's age. They were having so much fun and my DS wanted to join in and he thought the older girl was just SO cool. He (unlike me!) is a very social creature and seems to really enjoy playing with others more than on his own. It seems like everywhere I look I see examples of good "sibling-ness" (both in childhood and adulthood) and I am wracked with guilt about maybe not giving that to DS. I am not close to my own brother (long story) and I really, really miss that.

So I have to say that the main reason I am thinking about a 2nd is to give DS sibling. I mean, I know I will adore my other child just as much and they will provide as much joy as DS has, but if I didn't feel this 'no sibling guilt', I probably wouldn't consider it. Is this enough reason to have a 2nd? I am afraid I could end up resenting the difficulties a 2nd would place on us because I made the decision out of guilt for someone else, not for me- and I will be the one who will need to make the sacrifices.

I just wondered how much providing a sibling was in others decisions to expand their family, and how that motivation bears out once you actually have more than one?

[veebee2]

For me, personally, I didn't want just one child. But this was a decision I made a long time ago.

I wanted my child to have siblings and coming from a large family, I suppose this was a major factor in my decision making.

[Lulu]

Well my sister and I didn't stop bickering until we were about 25, and my last 2 are at each other hammer and tong all day long.....so there ARE downsides!

Also, I really truly enjoyed being able to give my all to one child. Sometimes I feel guilt because I find it hard to share out my attention equally and worry one will miss out (not that they do but it's sometimes exhausting).

[Arimeh]

I never wanted just one child, simply because I had siblings so it just seemed like the done thing ya know?

DS and DD get along brilliantly (for the most part!) at their current ages (2.5 and 1 yr) and they always share cuddles together, and some of the stuff they get up to is sooooo cute!!

However, you always have competition between them for cuddles (one can't just come up for a cuddle with mum without the other one screaming for one too) and they don't always share the toys nicely.... life would sure be easier with just the one to worry about!!!!!

[Nelle]

It was part of the reason I have two, because I had a sibling and it's a nice thing, to have a playmate at home on hand. As long as they're in a good mood.

I think there are pros and cons and you just need to keep thinking about it. For us, #1 could have done really well as an only child, but far out I'm glad #2 has his big brother, he's sooo social. Whenever #1 is out somewhere #2 is all over me - so sometimes (okay, often) they egg each other on when being naughty, and get cross and make each other cry, but often they entertain each other too and watching them play makes me glad there's two of them...even watching them fight makes me laugh.

Having said that, that's just my experience. When I take just #1 out by ourselves man, it's sooo much easier than having two! So there are definitely upsides to one.
Like I said, pros and cons for everything, you just need to decide how the balance is in favour for your family. I don't think there's any rush. xo

[fionas]

I don't really get along with my sibling - we're like chalk and cheese - so personally I would never have another child to provide DD with a sibling because I think much closer bonds can be formed with friends.

However, we are TTC - but not to provide DD with a sibling, it's to provide us with another child IYKWIM.

But my age has a lot to do with it; if I was younger I'd take my time and would probably wait another year so that I could give DD that extra one-on-one time.

[Nettie]

Amber, I completely understand what you mean. I am in the same situation.

If it was completely my choice - I'd have another tomorrow. However, my DH has always felt like we would be a close family with only one child. He is also the primary carer, so he would be the one taking care of 2 if we had another - so he definitely has more say on the situation!

However, I feel 'sibling-guilt' (as you so succinctly put it!) all the time when I see DS play with other kids. He's also very social and sometimes I worry about him being lonely... All the other kids in the family are a lot older and DH isn't a very social person so he doesn't feel confident about joining play groups or anything (and I work full-time, so I can't).

Don't have the answer, but I can empathise!