Picking up a crying baby - is it always necessary

[ness]

I have a 4 week and 2 day old!1 - My first child. should i be picking her up all the time when she cries(obvoiusly i rule out hunger / nappy/ etc). I swear i am getting a sore shoulder as she loves being up over my left shoulder. I hate being out shopping when she cries as sometimes nothing will settle her and i don't want people thinking i'm a bad mother...

[boomba]

first off your not a bad mum. I think we all get to a point with our first babies where it gets a bit much.
Have you tried a sling or carrier? Maybe she just wants to be close? At 4 weeks they are still adjusting to the outside world and need you to help them with it.

We would always comfort DS when he was tiny and still do as crying is a means of comunicating even if it is just for a cuddle. I would give a sling a go and see if you can settle her in that.

I hope you can find a gentle solution that works well for you and your baby! Good luck

[Indadhanu]

You're definately not a bad mum. Anyone with a newborn will KNOW hoe difficult it is to settle. If I see a mum with an unsettleable (is that a word LOL) newborn I don't think she's a bad mum I think "Oh that poor lady, hope bub settles down soon" or something like that. Babies cry, its what they do lol. Anyone who judges you because your bub is crying obviously isn't a mum and doesn't understand.

A sling (or carrier) is a great idea, Jazz was also a clingy bub, would whinge if she wasn't close to us. I got a ring sling, and she would fall back asleep laying in it. A lot of the time, even now, when Jazz cries its a "huuuuuuuuuuuugs! I need huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs!" cry lol theres nothing else wrong with her except she wants to be in my arms or on my lap. She is on my lap attempting to type as we speak LOL!

As for when do you need to pick them up... well I started a thread yesterday about the diferent types of cries and when do you need to pick them up and everyone is different. It depends on you and your bub, some babies just need a cry for a few seconds and then they're right. Some bubs will start whinging/grizzling and they just won't settle without being picked up. So its just a matter of time before you get to know your bub and what works best for you guys

[ness]

thanks leesha..I guess we are still getting to know each other really!!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Babies cry to give us a message, and it's not always a physical survival message, it can be an emotional security message, which is also super important to them at this stage because emotions help their little brains connect up those neural pathways in the brain and good emotions produce feel-good chemicals in their brains. Negative emotions mean cortisol (stress) chemicals are circulating instead.
Your local library will have a copy of one or all of Pinky McKay's books, or Elizabeth Pantley and they are great books to read to help you figure out what her cries are
Slings will help you immeasurably to connect with her and for you to understand each other better.
It is also quite possible that if she is otherwise content and satisfied on boob juice, that she wants to do a wee or a poo. Babies are born not wanting to do this in nappies and we train them out of it in nappy-wearing cultures (not saying it's a bad or good thing, just repeating many years of cultural observations from anthropologists and child experts around the world), so it could just be her protesting at having to poo in her pants.
All you can do is be there for her, and if you're not going anywhere, it could be that you could use the cuddle time as your own recharge, as well
Oh, and my mantra always is 'if in doubt, get the booby out'...to this day, and DS is 2.5yo!

[River]

I was going to say "if in doubt...... get boob out" too, but Mayaness beat me to it LOL. Babies at this age of mine are pretty much attatched to me, whether on the boob or the chest 24/7.

My vote is for to ALWAYS pick up a crying baby. Always without fail. 4 babies later and I am yet to hear them cry alone for more than a few seconds .

[Sair]

It is also quite possible that if she is otherwise content and satisfied on boob juice, that she wants to do a wee or a poo. Babies are born not wanting to do this in nappies and we train them out of it in nappy-wearing cultures (not saying it's a bad or good thing, just repeating many years of cultural observations from anthropologists and child experts around the world), so it could just be her protesting at having to poo in her pants.

Aha! so this is why Xavier always cries when he is going to poo? That would make some sense. I thought it might be the system is new to doing the action so I help him move things along.

If you feel like you need to pick her up, then pick her up. A sling is a fantastic idea, I made a Hug A Bub style carrier wrap and it is a life saver if I need to get something done and have a screaming baby on the go.

And don't worry, you are not a bad mum if you don't pick her up ALL the time, sometimes you need a breather for a couple of minutes and a happy mum is a good mum.

[ness]

thanks for that - that's a good idea i will try that...It just gets hard sometimes so i'm glad i found this website so I can new ideas and opinions!!

[ness]

Thanks guys for all your Great advice!!!. Have got the baby carrier sorted and am now going to check it Dunstan Baby language aswell.

Am off now to give little Daniella a nice cuddle....

[Celsie]

Am off now to give little Daniella a nice cuddle....

Awww....

[*Efjay*]

yeah im more out of interest wanting to see it. Iain is growing out of those baby baby cries & really (not to toot my own horn) im pretty in tune any way & the only time my babies cry is in the car when I can't stop & tend tot hem straight away.
Wasn't always like that though.

[Visitor8]

Ok hun your not a bad mother, sometimes they just cry.

I always pick up Ashton, but with my other 2 I didn't, I am having another aproach this time

I think it's more that i don't like the thought of him crying, and me not being there to comfort him and how that would make him feel. Usually they are crying for a reason, sometimes a reason you can't fix like a tummy ache, head ache or they might be bored.

Have you thought of a carrier? I have a Mei Tai which he goes in when he is cranky which usually shuts him up. It's great cos I put him on my back and he settles and likes the closeness and I have 2 free hands and no sore arms/shoulders lol

Good luck with it hun It is a personal choice really.

[Visitor8]

We really got a lot out of this DVD. They also offer techniques for comforting a crying baby, a baby with wind pain etc.

My DH will walk through the shops and decipher cries from strangers babies... "Oh, that one has lower wind pain, or that one is hungry". LOL

that is hillarious!!

You can hire the DBL dvd from libraries too Mine had a copy. I brought mine off ebay but for the $40 I paid I wish I had of borrowed the library copy, as he only did those cries for a couple of months.