Self settling

Little_O, she is usually pretty good during the day. The evenings can be a challenge though. Today she's been very cranky and yesterday too. But sometimes she is good and will settle within 20 minutes after a feed. I find that she always starts to give up around 1.5 hours after I start to feed her. Naturally I would like settling NOT to take 1 hour, but if all else fails she will usually exhaust herself by this time.

Cazz, thanks.She does the same with the crying, but if i leave it it slowly escalates to a full blown cry. It can build up for 10 minutes and then she just explodes. I can tell by her sounds that she is going to explode lol.

How long does she sleep for during the day? I remember the child nurse saying to me that at this age they should be sleeping for 1.5-2 hour stints during the day. Once she started doing that she wield go 5 hours at night. This was from about 9-12 weeks though.

Does she burp well after each feed?

Tasha - have you got a copy of the Wonder Weeks book?

It helps explain really well what is going on for bubba, week by week, and gives you a heads up on weeks which might be a little different, a little easier, a little harder.

I don't know about you, but personally, having a bit of a road map, a bit of fair warning, makes all the difference. :)

I think there's even an app these days (those crazy kids! what next?).

Check it out. :D

:hug:

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How long does she sleep for during the day? I remember the child nurse saying to me that at this age they should be sleeping for 1.5-2 hour stints during the day. Once she started doing that she wield go 5 hours at night. This was from about 9-12 weeks though.

Does she burp well after each feed?

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She sleeps pretty well during the day usually, about 1.5 hours. But the last two days she's been terrible :( After her 6:30am feed she only slept about 30 minutes. I had to go in and resettle her 4 times. By the time she finally fell asleep it was time for the next feed.
That's the new problem, it's taking her so long to fall into deep sleep that 3 hours passes and it's time to feed again. She just had an hour and I can hear her stirring, but it's because I opened her door. Her last feed was at 9:30am and she didn't go down till 11:30. She is starting to burp well, but does LOTS of farts.

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Tasha - have you got a copy of the Wonder Weeks book?

It helps explain really well what is going on for bubba, week by week, and gives you a heads up on weeks which might be a little different, a little easier, a little harder.

I don't know about you, but personally, having a bit of a road map, a bit of fair warning, makes all the difference. :)

I think there's even an app these days (those crazy kids! what next?).

Check it out. :D

:hug:

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Yeah I will check it out, thanks peanutter :)

Well, it's 2:30am. I fed her at 12. She still won't sleep. I've tried everything. She has "looked" like she is sleeping 5 times already. But after spending 15 minutes to get her like that, 10 minutes after I put her down she's screaming again. I just can't do this. And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

Tasha these nights will happen. Just when you think you have worked out the "thing" that works for bub they will decide that it doesn't work anymore.
You can do it. She needs you.
Whenever things go off course here I try all my whole resettling routine, feed, burp, nappy, feed, rock etc. Then if that doesn't work, I walk with her, watch tv, put her in the pram etc then try the feed, burp, resettle.
The more desperate I became to get her to sleep the less she would some nights. Almost like she sensed it in me.
I know it's hard work.
The thing that works best for me is to try feeding her again. We discovered cluster feeding which sometimes would be 2 plus hours of feeding, dozing and then eventually sleeping... It's hard work but I started to think when in doubt and she's screaming she either had belly pain or she was hungry. Just what works for me....
I hope you are both asleep now....
It does get better, we all keep telling you that but sometimes you will have a shocker of a night. Here I am reading your post and it's 3am and I'm awake with an unsettled bub.
Hugs x

I fed her again because it had been almost 3 hours anyway. But unfortunately I couldn't get back to sleep :( now she's up again. Thanks joeve :)

I'm up again too. It's just one of those nights!

Tasha, this may sound harsh. I do not intend it that way. I recognise that you want to do everything just right for your baby, that you want her to be happy and we all know that the more sleep you get, the more rested the brain and the better to learn and enjoy. It sounds like you are doing all you can to be the perfect mother. I applaud you for that.

But...

It clearly isn't working for you. You sound so stressed. About everything. Your baby is not yet five weeks old. She'll not do things she's supposed to - including sleeping. Babies can be forced into a strict routine, but it is stressful and not what the baby needs. What baby needs is a mother who loves her and goes with her needs. Which can be more sleep or less sleep than prescribed (Liebs was always a less sleep baby and still is a less sleep child). It can be more or less feeds, milestones met at different ages... Please can I urge you to not worry. The phrase "sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby feeds, rest when the baby rests and clean when the baby cleans" is what you need to follow, not something that is stressing you.

You can do it. You will fumble your way: we all have to. We don't birth a Haynes Manual with the child. It doesn't sound that muddling through is coming easy to you and you need reassurance: please believe me when I say mistakes are not the end of the world and all our babies are different. What works for some doesn't for others (trust me, I tried all the sleep methods save for total abandonment, although that was contemplated). And studies show that a "perfect" mother screws her children up more than a muddling-through mother. Or at least in a different way (I only buy parenting books and read studies that support my style of parenting - you may find things differently depending on what you read).

I say this not to bring you down, but build you up. When you give yourself permission to try and fail, you give yourself permission to let go of the exhausting mental strain and to start to enjoy life. Enjoy playtime at 2am, knowing you'll nap at 2pm. Enjoy the cuddles. Enjoy the late-night Star Trek sessions: everyone needs more Patrick Stewart in their lives, even at this early stage. It does pass. Not quickly enough, or too quickly, depending on who you ask. And asking for advice is great, just know that the answer is usually already in your heart if you trust yourself. (That sounded stupidly corny even to me.) Please trust yourself more, you are doing a great job as a new mother.

I totally agree with TFB. You will enjoy this so much more and find it easier if you can try to go with the flow and accept that this is how babies are. Nothing is wrong with her sleep, she doesn't need to be 'fixed', she is absolutely acting perfectly normal for a baby of her age.

It's really really hard with your first when you realise the reality is so much different to your expectations. You can't change the reality, but you can change your expectations.

Hang in there, we have all been exactly where you are :hug:

Have you had her checked out for reflux Tasha? All of mine had reflux, 2 of them had silent reflux and they were the worst ones to settle, particularly at night, they would scream and scream and scream. I would get them to sleep and they would wake up as soon as I put them down - because its painful for them to lay down.

I remember DD3 got really bad around 5-6 weeks and we went to the GP and got medication for her - it was an instant improvement. She settled easier and didn't wake up as soon as we put her down. Plus we moved her in to our bed at this time too and that extra comfort of us close by made her settle quicker after feeds. During the day I held her for basically every sleep to make sure it was a good one, sleep breeds sleep as they say. Sometimes I used the carrier, but mostly I just sat on my butt on the couch and held her. This was with 3 other young kids running around too (4 year old, 2.5 year old and 17 month old), so my parenting wasn't perfect for them I would imagine, but it worked for DD3 and she was my main priority at that time.

I held her for every day nap until she was around 7 months old. If she woke up in the early evening and we hadn't gone to bed yet, I would hold her again so she would sleep. If I wanted to do something around the house, I gave her to DH to hold. It was hard, its time consuming, but it worked and she would sleep.

DD1 was slightly different (my other silent reflux bub), we never medicated her but we treated her with some chiro treatments, and some herbal stuff from a homeopath.

If she's not settling at all, there could be a medical reason for it, I guess thats what I'm trying to say. I think once I realised that DD1 was in pain, I felt so bad thinking negative things about her not being able to settle because I've had heartburn and its awful so its hard to imagine what little babies feel when they have reflux issues.

Hang in there, you are doing a great job xx

Tasha I really think Arimeh is right, get her checked for reflux. If only for your own peace of mind.

Im going to give you some advice being on the tail end of four kids.

Nothing you do will influence your baby unless they are ready and willing. And WE don't decide when that is, they do!

Every single one of my kids has at the bare bones been raised the same way from birth. All four are COMPLETELY different. One slept ok, two slept badly, one slept through the night from pretty much birth. Two were bad at self settling as babies, two were not.
Just when you think you figure them out the game changes and your back at square one. So just don't figure them out. Its a waste of your energy and time.

Ive been you. Ive had THAT baby. The one that wont sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and has its days and nights mixed up. It sucks. I kind of wish it had of been my first baby instead of my third because working on very broken sleep with two toddlers was a nightmare. I strongly suggest you a) sleep whenever you can, who cares if it's daytime, if she sleeps you sleep. Even if its in the same bed; and b) involve your DH. When he can, if that's evening or weekend - take it. Hand her over if she has been fed and she is clean then go to bed, pop on headphones and pass out. Even if its a half hour of sleep its better than nothing. After the disaster that was my third baby I perfected the art of sleeping upright with my eyes open while jiggling a baby. My DH would just deal, and do the jiggling and singing and walking.

It does end, I swear. And you will survive it :hug:

Thanks girls, I feel like such a sook. I don't even have other kids to look after!

TFB, not harsh at all. I understand what you are saying :)
Arimeh, I mentioned reflux to the MCHN and she said it wasn't that. I have oversupply and she is choking a bit when she feeds. But she still has a lot of wind. Last night she was farting all through the feed.

I just keep thinking that maybe we ttc for so long for a reason, because I just wasn't cut out for this. Maybe the plan for me was to give up.

ETA: I can't sleep during the day at all. I just toss and turn.

That's not true tasha, you can and will do this. I know it's hard, I had pnd and would get really worked up as I found little sleep aggravated it. But in the end you love this little person so much, you would do anything for them. You can't judge how parenting will be from one moment, especially the first few months. They are hard, I won't lie, but you have to think your baby is adjusting to a new world. My son took 3 months before things started to settle somewhat. I won't say everything was great, coz I had pnd and still wasn't coping, but things were just easier somehow.

I had to look at it like, they had spent 9 months in your tummy having all their needs met immediately. Now they are in a noisy, cold place. They were carried (and in a way cuddled) everywhere, now mum needs time to go to the toilet etc. They never had to ask for food, or sit in a dirty nappy. And now all they can do to communicate is cry. It's hard to listen to your baby cry, but it also takes time to understand the different cries. When you start to understand them, you can meet their needs quicker and they learn to trust that you will be there. You will also start to pick up on their cues.

So even if it feels like things are never going to get any better, trust me they do. And if you feel you aren't coping mentally/physically, speak to your GP or MCHN. Lots of hugs, but do try to spend a little time every day just being with your baby. You made that little person, and they are perfect.

MCHN's don't know everything about silent reflux, not saying anything bad about them obviously, but even some GP's don't believe it exists, and ask any mother who has had a child with silent reflux - it definitely does exist!!!

I'd take her to a GP and ask them for their opinion before ruling it out. Is she a good solid feeder or does she pull on and off a lot? Does she squirm a lot during feeds or arch her back and let out little cries - just basically quite unsettled whilst feeding?

She feeds ok, aside from the guzzling and choking. But she will pull off and squirm and make straining noises nearly every time. Actually she just burped while feeding, that's a first...

Tash,

Ask family and friends for help. You need to as you sound more than just exhausted from lack of sleep. Demand it in fact, don't pussy foot around, tell them what you need and when. I've tried to do it all myself bc of the same thoughts as you - 3 odd yrs of ttc and IVF. Told myself this is what I wanted so desperately that I should just suck it up.... No, I am a mum with a newborn that needed help and because of doing it all myself suffering now.

Huge hugs Hun, I so understand your pain. You are doing an awesome job x