setting up a routine?

[Ginger]

hi all,

people keep telling us we need to establish a routine for ds but i'm not sure exactly what that means or how we go about doing it. at the moment ds is fed when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired. sometimes i get to sleep in with him if he wants to sleep, sometimes i don't. can some lovely bbs please explain why people say that routine is so important and what i should be doing to establish it? thanks in advance

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

At 13 days old, he doesn't yet need a routine. But to help, you could note when he sleeps and feeds now - in the next few weeks you will notice a pattern emerging. You can then plan your day around the routine the two of you are in - by a month you'll be in a routine whether you plan it or not. It will change frequently, but not hugely, just a change in feed times or naps. That's normal, just be flexible. Babies like to know what to expect and by letting them set the adgenda you are getting the most out of your time together rather than keeping a sleepy baby awake, trying to get an awake baby to nap or not feeding a hungry baby.

[Beach Mama]

At around 6 weeks I started a feed, play, sleep routine - which most books follow if you are wanting a routine. Ive never stuck to a strict routine though and at times its a sleep, play feed routine or a pplay feed sleep - I just vary it to what she needs and have found that as Ryn said its important to be flexible. You will find as he gets older he will have more awake and play time whereas at the moment he wont be doing that - it will mainly be feed, gaze at mum for a few minutes and sleep! HtH!

[Kaylene]

Hey Gracie,
Was wondering how you were. Hope your keeping well. Yes its a bit early yet, a routine is best around the 2-3 month age and even then its tough to do. All you can do is day by day or even hour by hour when they're this young. Be patient, people always give advice whether its appropriate or not. Trust your instincts first. Also don’t forget to look after yourself too.
K

[Trillian]

Gracie, Lewis is still just trying to find his feet in this world and at this age their day-to-day varies so much depending on how much they sleep, how often they decide they want to feed etc. It is much better (and easier) to just follow their cues in the first weeks, expecially since it can take a few weeks to fully establish BF. In a week he will be coming up to the magical 3wk mark where he may want more feeding, more cuddles and may be a little harder to please in general so it would be difficult to try to figure out any pattern he may be starting.

I have found now though at 1mth, Alister is settling into a pattern of doing things. Some days though he may want an extra feed or be harder to settle, but he generally follows the same pattern every day.

Before long you will realise that you've already fallen into a regular way of doing things with him and more often than not, we fit in with them than they do with us LOL.

If you are keen on a more formal type of order to your day, just wait until he is a little bit older and more predictable.

As to why people think that you need routine, I can pretty much guess that they are older people or people who don't have children yet. Back in the day of our parents, it was all about routines, 4hr feeds and controlled crying (back then I think it was more just that our parents were pooh-poohed for cuddling us to sleep and just put us in the cot to work it out for ourselves LOL). But if you are happy with the way you're travelling with him ATM, then don't worry about it - there's plenty of time for it later.

[LuluHB]

Now that I have a child I laugh at the books that have strict routines in them. My DD feeds when she wants to feed, sleeps when she wants to sleep (during the day that is), plays when she wants to etc. After initially trying to make her comply with what the books said she should be doing in terms of amount of hours awake, sleeping, feeding etc I gave up - she's her own person and knows when she wants something. I found by the time she was about 3 months she had really fallen into a routine that suited her though. Going with the routine your baby chooses is so much easier than fighting him into the one the books say is the right on. So long as he is happy, not getting overtired etc, go with the flow - that way you can enjoy him and not be fighting him.

[Ginger]

thanks for all your responses and help. yes i thought it was a bit early to be worrying about a routine. i think my mil is just doing my head in with all her blah blah blah cr8p iykwim? in the last few days i have copped- you shouldn't be taking panadeine, is he getting enough milk?, where is he sleeping?, you need to let him scream, teach him some discipline, stop over mothering him, you'll suffocate him and he'll overheat if you put him in bed with you, don't let the dog anywhere near him, you need to establish a routine, don't let him feed so much.....she lives 1000kms away from me and still manages to drive me insane....

[Trillian]

OMG Gracie, I would be looking into a caller ID display LOL. Let him scream? is she on another planet or something? You are doing just great the way you are hun.

[Ginger]

i know sherie- it's bad isn't it? i try to screen all calls and let them go through to the answering machine and then pick it up once i know who it is but sometimes she catches me out by ringing at weird times so i don't think it's her and answer it. she's a nightmare

[AnyDream]

Gracie, I second everything Sherie said about your MIL being on another planet!! You're doing a great job hun, as you learn to follow Lewis's cues you will develop your own "patterns" of responding and then when he's older and the patterns are more established you can then start tweaking them to fit in with the rest of your day (most times anyway).

In MIL's defence, she's probably beside herself that she can't be nearer your new little treasure (well thank goodness for you) - she's probably just desperate to be involved in his life in some way...is there somehow you could channel that in a positive way (get her to make something for him & send it perhaps...then send photos of him using made thing)?? Just a thought, might get her off your back a bit...

[MantaRay]

Big hugs Gracie. The best advice I can give you is to ignore your MIL. I found that both my boys settled into their own routines when they were ready. Not every day will be the same, as you will have fussy periods and days when you are out etc, but basically he will fall into a pattern that mostly works. For example both my boys would want to go down for their first day sleep within an hour of waking up in the morning (Tom still does). I discovered this by watching for sleep cues and seeing that they were ready, then putting them down and having them sleep. And really, that is all there is to establishing a routine IMO. Let them tell you what they like and when and then you go with it, bearing in mind that some days things will be different. A strict routine works for some but not for me. And don't despair, it isn't as disorganised as it sounds, most days (after the first few "settling down" weeks), he will want to sleep and eat at roughly the same times so it is not hard to plan your day around that. GL with it and enjoy! You are doing a great job!