Just so it's said, I don't have a problem with smokers, it's their choice to smoke and I don't want to offend anyone!
My mum is a very, very heavy smoker. She's tried to quit many times and can't. She stresses easily and when she gets stressed, she smokes. If she feels pressured she smokes. If you mention anything about her quitting she gets upset.
Me and DH have talked about this a lot, and I still don't really know what to do! Basically, she's going to be seeing bubs a lot i expect and we're not comfortable with her coming straight in from a smoke (she already knows to smoke outside) and holding bubs straight away as she's going to smell of smoke. I know I wouldn't like to be that close to someone who's just had a smoke so neither should our baby.
All I want her to do, is wash her hands and wait maybe 20 minutes after having a smoke before she holds our baby so the smell has time to not be so fresh and at least her hands will be clean, but how should I ask her to do this without offending her because as I said before, she's very sensitive about it!
What do you think about this issue? What rules did you have about smokers and holding your baby? How did you politely ask them to wash their hands and wait a while? What reactions did you get?
you could mention that there is a lot of toxins that stay on the skin after smoking and you want your baby to not be exposed to these. just say nicely to her that although you respect her decision to keep smoking, could she please respect your decision about washing hand, holding baby etc..
Even if you get her to wait 20 minutes, she is still going to smell of it. My mum was the same, but at least she didn't have to be told kwim? Its the sort of thing where there really is no polite way to say it, especially if she is really sensitive about it in the first place, so you just need to say it and be done with it.
I have that problem with my sister. She is a smoker and she just stinks when she comes inside the house after a smoke. I would prefer that she didn't hold DS smelling like that but she is a bit too delicate to reason with and I'd really start trouble if I said something. I just grin and bear it. It's the same with people wearing copious amounts of strong perfume - DS always stinks of it when he's been passed back to me. Lucky for me, DS is a mummy's boy and mostly cries when other people hold him, so he's always passed back pretty quickly
I got miffed about perfume too - it was just as gross as the cigarette smoke I reckon. This is awful but my kids are old enough now that when they can smell cigarettes, they always say 'this place/that person smells like Nanny' and it's terrible that they know kwim?
oh you know, my best friend who is also my brother in law is a smoker, and we didn't bother sugar coating, we made it blunt. "You can't hold her until you quit smoking" . That was it. Of course he was annoyed, but he knows deep down that it's perfectly reasonable, and now he is content to simply look and not touch.
Just say what you have to say and be done with it. Like I said, it's a perfectly reasonable request and she will understand that, even if she is a bit miffed!
This is a tough one! As an ex smoker and a new mum I can relate to both parties!
Have you thought about getting your Mum a smoking shirt? This way she can put on her "smoking shirt" before she goes outside then can take it off after, I found this worked well for my sister. I also asked that she washed her hands and I would offer her a mint. I really only had to ask once and now she does it automatically with out any fuss. It's a smokers right to chose to smoke but its your right to chose what to expose your baby too. I also agree that we are exposed to toxins everyday but you can't smell that on your baby's skin! I would also like to ban perfume, nothing worse then my little man smelling like his cheap great aunty!
My husband and my mother are both smokers, they both have smoking jackets to wear over their clothes in winter, and long sleeve shirts to wear over their clothes in summer - this helps to reduce the smoke permeating through to their clothes (the jackets and shirts are kept in the shed where they go to smoke). They both wash their hands and use antibacterial hand sanitiser (which I keep right by the back door) after smoking, and do not kiss Lachie straight after smoking. Personally I am happy with these methods, but each to their own I guess - your baby, your choice... but at the same time you don't want to alienate you and your baby, and neither do you want to make ur loved ones uncomfortable. I would be honest with your Mum, explain that you don't expect her to quit, but that for the health of her grandchild (who cannot make decisions for themself yet) that you would appreciate her taking some measures to significantly reduce the exposure to the toxins that are present in cigarette smoke. She is ur Mum, and I'm sure that she would understand - the same way that she would have sought to protect you from things when you were younger
Smoking - How should I say this nicely?
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